Welcome to Feeling like an Adult

 As we approach September, my anxiety is rising again. For the past few months, I’ve been a contractor. It’s a good position with awesome work. My contract ends the first week of November.

There is the possibility that the organization that I’ve been working for will make me a full time member of their staff, but nothing is guaranteed and after the past two years I’ve had regarding my employment status (or lack there of), I don’t want to get my hopes too high.

When I think back on my 20s, I realize what an ideal time it was in my life. I had stable employment, a great friend group, opportunity to travel and have fun, and a good support system. In my mind’s eye, the problems from my poor mental health are smoothed over in favor of memories of going to Broadway plays and trips to the farmers market. My homesickness replaced by laughter from my writer’s group and nights clubbing in Hoboken (as infrequent as they were).

I almost want to go back in time and give my younger self a pep talk. Enjoy this time, take a few more risks. I’d want that version of me to enjoy that life because COVID-19 is just around the corner - lurking like a vampire just beyond the streetlight’s rays - to upend everything.

Things haven’t all been bad, but I can tell how restless I am - how listless I’ve become. I’ve struggled to writer and create art. I’ve had to take on even more responsibilities (though I wouldn’t trade my grumpy fur baby for anything).

She’s sweet, but also has teeth!

For once in my life I actually feel like an adult, not an awkwardly old teenager pretending to be one.

Soon, this period of transition will end. And my mind will find something else to overthink. I’ve started looking at apartments in different areas and I want to cry over how expensive they all are. 

Sometimes I think life in general is just one long period of transition - though between what I haven’t a clue. It’s not life or death though. That answer doesn’t feel right.

Meditation and yoga can help me find some form of stillness that goes against the natural chaotic momentum that shapes our world. Time never stops moving forward, even when a clock does. The Earth will keep changing regardless of human activity. 

We live, we change, we go to the next life.

It makes for a great story though.

If you enjoyed this blog post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y’all like hearing from me.

Until next week*.

*next week is Labor Day, so maybe the week after that.

Welcome to Ducktales the Reboot

Well, I finally did it. I watched every episode of Ducktales - the original and the reboot.

The reboot is by far superior to the original. Hands down, it’s great. Go watch it with your kids or without your kids (like I did because I don’t have kids).

They took the best park of the original series, mixed them with elements from the series spin-offs like Dark Wing Duck, and finally accented the series with what was learned from more modern shows like Gravity Falls. Add in an excellent voice cast and a superb finale that leads to an entertaining and meaningful show.

It’s not perfect - nothing is - but this version of Ducktales grew with the original audience and will allow the next generation to grow with it.

But the ending message is what’s most important: “family is the greatest adventure.”

This version of Ducktales heavily emphasizes the importance of family throughout the series. It’s the focal point of the first season while the Dewey tries to figure out who his mom is. The concept of what a person will do for family has multiple dedicated episodes in seasons 2 and 3. And the show challenges the idea of who gets to be a part of a family throughout season 3. 

Obviously the main family featured are the Ducks: Donald, Della, Huey, Dewey, and Louie. They have their uncle through the mother/grandmother Scrooge MacDuck. Then there are their cousins that pop up every now and again. Heck, we even get to meet Scrooge’s mom, dad, and sister Matilda in a very funny episode about how families can feud with one another (poor Webby thinks it’s her fault for destroying clan MacDuck).

There are a lot of “side” families that are in this version of Ducktales. This includes Fenton and his mom, the gods of Ithaquack, all of the Beagle Boys and their beloved ma, the running gag TV show brothers from Ottoman Empire, Lena and her evil aunt Magica (who has an equally evil brother that was turned into a raven named Poe), and the found family Darkwing Duck creates with Launchpad and Gosalyn. Heck, one character (Violet Sabrewing) has two dads and no attention is ever brought to it (this is good for a couple of reasons but mainly because it means that it’s normal and no big deal!).

Speaking of found families, I haven’t yet talked about Webby and her grandmother Mrs. Beakley. We first meet Webby in the first episode, already living in Scrooge MacDuck’s mansion, and trained in the art of espionage, self defense, and general mayhem. She’s obsessed with the Duck family and solving the mystery of who Della Duck is. She’s awesome, intense, and super different from the annoying tag-a-long character from the original.

I can’t say that Webby is my favorite character (it’s just too hard to have a favorite in this series),  it she’s one that I am super emotionally invested in.

She’s also the one who creates her own found family. Despite her obsession with the Duck family, Webby doesn’t spare much thought to her own family. She lives with her grandmother at the manor and she’s happy with that story (until season 3, but I refuse to spoil the finale - go watch it). She starts to create her found family through the Duck nephews (Huey, Dewey, and Louie). They recognize that she wants to be a part of their family and decide that she is. Scrooge also directly tells Webby that she is part of his family. Donald doesn’t really explicitly say anything, but doesn’t treat her any different than how he treats his nephews. I don’t think Della ever questioned Webby’s inclusion in the family (she doesn’t question Mrs. Beakley’s place despite constantly butting heads with her over how to parent).

Webby is also the first to reach out to and never give up on Lena. She even tells Lena that she doesn’t care that her aunt is the evil Magica De Spell. In many ways Lena is the older sister figure to Webby. Lena is also later adopted by Violet’s family - further showing how found families are just as important as blood families in this series.

Webby’s story is how she finds a family and the series finale brings it all together in a way that makes sense. (No spoilers!)

The reboot Ducktales is awesome and I totally recommend it. I’m sure in another 20 to 30 years we’ll get another reboot that will (hopefully) knock this reboot out of the park. Until that time we have the original and this version to watch.

Oh and David Tennant is the voice of Scrooge MacDuck. I want his autograph with that picture. (Actually I want all of the voice actors’ autographs on a poster size photo of the series - it’s been added to my wish list that includes the alligator Loki plushie).

Until next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Welcome to if Money Weren’t an Issue

 Have you ever thought about what you might do if money weren’t an issue? 

It wouldn’t take away my anxiety or quell my cautious nature, but it might lead to some awesome adventures and new experiences. I know money can’t solve all my problems, but they could help me achieve some goals and do some things.

If I didn’t have to worry about rent or other bills I think I would spend most of my time traveling the world and exploring as much as I could. I could impulsively go to Spain or Italy and then hop over to Algeria or Senegal. I’d go to Tierra del Fuego and charter a boat to Antartica. I’d go urban exploring in forgotten hotels and camp in every national park. I could be like Scrooge MacDuck, but give the lost artifacts to their original country’s people to keep.

Planning my trip around the world would be a lot easier if I didn’t have to worry about money.

Once I’m done traveling and exploring, I would go back to school and get PhDs until my mind was so full of facts it would float into the stratosphere. I’d take that knowledge and dive deep into the ocean floor to count the number of species in the twilight zone and help people to adapt to climate change.

In between these times, I’d volunteer as a gardener. Helping plants grow and feed my community with healthy, fresh produce. I might even have my own house (with a secret passage and a tower and a library) with a huge garden.

I’d spend my time reading and writing books. I’d see every movie I’m interested in. I’d take dance lessons and maybe a martial art or two. I’d paint and create art to my heart’s content.

There is so much to experience in life and I know that I might only experience a fraction of it. I’ve barely scratched the surface of all the amazing wonders life has to offer. My goal in life is to live live as much of a fulfilling life as possible. I don’t think I’ve done that just yet. There’s so much I want. So much I wish for.

 But this feels selfish of me. 

It’s not that I’d be lazy and idle with my time. No matter how much I imagine a carefree life with travel, education, and creativity, I can’t help feeling that I’m undeserving of such things.

There are so many people who have hopes and dreams like I do. So many people who have to chose between x and y despite needing both to survive.

We have one life (that we know about) to live and it’s a very limited existence. I find it frustrating that there is so much to do and hardy any time or resources to do them. I also am very fortunate to have been given a lot of helping hands to get to where I am now. Am I ungrateful for wanting more?

Or is wanting more an intrinsic conviction of our human lives?

What about you, reader, what would you do if money weren’t a factor? 

You’d still have a time limit. And the pandemic would still be going on. Would you try to find an end to COVID? All illnesses?

Would you buy a nice house? Would it be on the beach? 

Would you travel? Or build the most amazing home entertainment center so you would never have to leave your home again?

Would you write novels? Make movies? Further your education?

Would you spend your days volunteering to build houses or gardening?

Would you spend the rest of your days floating in outer space?

I’d say it’s unfair that some people can do these things without second thought or worry where their next meal might come from, but that’s a little on the nose for this post.

I have so many wishes that are unlikely to come true. But the again…

If wishes were fishes, we’d all eat like kings. And the fisherman would be free to do other things.

If you liked this post (or it really pissed you off -or maybe it confused you this time) like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you like hearing from me.

Let me know in the comments what you would do if money weren’t an issue. Or maybe right a short story, then send me a link to where you publish it.

Until next week.

Welcome to When the Sky Cries

Yep, that’s the title I’m going with to describe rain.

I created this image many years ago in Paint

I don’t know about you, my readers, but I love a summer rain storm. I especially love putting on a pair of rain boots, grabbing an umbrella, and getting caught in a lazy shower that cools the air and sounds like wind chimes.

Summer showers break the tension of heat and humidity. I know I feel a bit more agitated when the air is thick like cheese and broccoli soup and my skin is sticky from sweat. It’s like standing on the precipice of a major event - all anxiety and wishing something would give. Then, the sky breaks open and cries.

Have any of you had a good messy cry recently. I haven’t, but I can bring up the memory of them. It’s messy and gross which leaves me exhausted…and relieved. Much like the lead up to a summer shower or storm, I feel tense. I usually get a horrible headache behind my eyes that won’t go away until a river of tears cuts down my face.

I’m not a pretty crier. There’s always a lot of snot involved.

But I feel so much better after crying so hard. Usually, I take a shower or bath afterwards. The mess needs to be cleaned away to finally feel refreshed.

A good summer rain is the same. The air feels clean after the storm, less muggy and humid. The sweet smell of flowers is lightly carried on a breeze instead of heavily mixed in the atmosphere like too much coffee sitting heavy in your tummy (sorry, I couldn’t resist the rhyme).

Today I walked in the rain and felt at peace. Stress and tension drifted away like lilies down a stream. A few studies have come out saying that rain showers can help people with depression and anxiety feel better. The sound is soothing and the negative ions in the rain may help dissipate the build up of positive ions the come from our crazy everyday lives. The rain washed away my troubles and left me feeling like I can take on the crazy I know this week will be.

Without rain, we don’t have flowers or food. Without rain, we can’t appreciate the sun. Without rain, there’d be nothing to break the stressful tension of humid August afternoons.

After my walk (and shower), I sat outside with a cup of tea and listened. Rain creates a sound similar to white noise, which we humans can find relaxing.

Truthfully, I didn’t feel like doing much today. It was nice to take a break and curl up with my cat on the couch. I like to think the rain helped.

We need the rain the same way we need a good cry. It may be messy and not always pretty, but will make us feel better.

How do you guys feel about rain? What about thunderstorms? Leave a comment with your thoughts on rain. Do you guys ever think that rain is a little like crying?

Until next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y’all like hearing from me.