Welcome to Feeling like an Adult

 As we approach September, my anxiety is rising again. For the past few months, I’ve been a contractor. It’s a good position with awesome work. My contract ends the first week of November.

There is the possibility that the organization that I’ve been working for will make me a full time member of their staff, but nothing is guaranteed and after the past two years I’ve had regarding my employment status (or lack there of), I don’t want to get my hopes too high.

When I think back on my 20s, I realize what an ideal time it was in my life. I had stable employment, a great friend group, opportunity to travel and have fun, and a good support system. In my mind’s eye, the problems from my poor mental health are smoothed over in favor of memories of going to Broadway plays and trips to the farmers market. My homesickness replaced by laughter from my writer’s group and nights clubbing in Hoboken (as infrequent as they were).

I almost want to go back in time and give my younger self a pep talk. Enjoy this time, take a few more risks. I’d want that version of me to enjoy that life because COVID-19 is just around the corner - lurking like a vampire just beyond the streetlight’s rays - to upend everything.

Things haven’t all been bad, but I can tell how restless I am - how listless I’ve become. I’ve struggled to writer and create art. I’ve had to take on even more responsibilities (though I wouldn’t trade my grumpy fur baby for anything).

She’s sweet, but also has teeth!

For once in my life I actually feel like an adult, not an awkwardly old teenager pretending to be one.

Soon, this period of transition will end. And my mind will find something else to overthink. I’ve started looking at apartments in different areas and I want to cry over how expensive they all are. 

Sometimes I think life in general is just one long period of transition - though between what I haven’t a clue. It’s not life or death though. That answer doesn’t feel right.

Meditation and yoga can help me find some form of stillness that goes against the natural chaotic momentum that shapes our world. Time never stops moving forward, even when a clock does. The Earth will keep changing regardless of human activity. 

We live, we change, we go to the next life.

It makes for a great story though.

If you enjoyed this blog post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y’all like hearing from me.

Until next week*.

*next week is Labor Day, so maybe the week after that.

Welcome to Becoming a Cat Parent

It's finally happened everyone. I am no longer responsible for my own well-being. I now get to look after the well-being of a furiously fluffy fur baby who hisses every time I get a little too close.

I've taken in my cat Karma.

Karma is my 12 year old cat. She'd been living with my mom until circumstances changed and it was decided that Karma would come to live with me - no I don't feel like elaborating. She has spent most of the past week hiding under my bed.

When I was younger I missed her a lot when I was away at school and after I moved away from my mom. I loved visiting her when I was at my mom's house - even if she constantly hissed at me or sat on my suitcase when it was time to pack up.

I'll be honest, I very much enjoyed not having the responsibility of looking after a pet (or another human, but let's not jinx me), but I was happy to have Karma in my life again full time. When she's in a good mood, she's the cuddliest fluff ball in existence. I love curling up with me on the couch or on my bed - though my allergies aren't the most cooperative.

A watercolor painting of Karma near my couch

I also wouldn't really call myself a cat person (allergies are a big deterrent). I actually prefer big fluffy dogs and their crazy energy (I will never pass up an opportunity to pet a dog) to the much more temperamental and regal cat. However, due to those earlier circumstances I mentioned, I had to beg my mom to bring Karma to me.

One day I might get a dog, but not for a long while yet.

When mom brought her down, it was clear that Karma loved my apartment. She was out and about most of the day, playing with a ball and bird watching. She didn't mind me picking her up to take her out onto the balcony. I can tell that she really misses my mom. Hopefully she'll except me as a good substitute soon.

Cause the thing is, cat's don't like change.

Period.

I can only imagine what might happen if/when I move again (let's be real - I will move again at some point). Chasing her around the apartment to give her medicine is beyond stressful. I don't fancy trying to put her in a carrier again anytime soon.

Though it's taking time for her to adjust, I've already noticed myself re-prioritizing my life. I know she's a cat and can take care of herself for the most part, but I hate the idea of leaving her alone for too long. I worry what will happen when I start traveling again - will she be okay at a kitty hotel? or by herself? will I find someone who will check in on her?

I also worry what might happen if she were to ever escape my home. Yes, she has a micro chip implant, but any number of things could happen to her. There are foxes and busy roads!

Though I'm not super interested in taking in any more pets at this time (or finding a relationship, let alone raising kids), I have noticed how much I love having Karma around. It's expensive and time consuming, but she is the best thing to wake up to first thing in the morning. She loves having her head scratched.

I might hate cleaning up her litter box and constantly freak out when she coughs up a fur-ball, but I'm glad she's here. There's a bit of a learning curve when it comes to looking after her.

Having a pet is a big responsibility. It's not just me I have to think about anymore. Karma is my kitty and she will be treated royally.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Until next week.