Welcome to the Sudden Changes I Probably Needed...

...but didn't really want.

A few years ago, for LGBTQ+ month, I took the time to watch the six hour HBO miniseries "Angels in America" adapted from the play with the same name by Tony Kushner. I knew very little about the play other than a recommendation in one of Lindsay Ellis's YouTube video essays and by watching Kyle Kallgren's YouTube analysis of it.

I immediately fell in love with the 2 part, 6 episode production. If I ever get the opportunity to see the original play on stage, I will take it in a heart beat.

One of my favorite quotes from the play comes at a point where one character, Harper, is being forced to reevaluate her life and figure out what she wants. She ends up having a conversation with an animated mannequin of a pioneer Mormon woman that goes as follows:

 “Harper: In your experience of the world. How do people change? 

Mormon Mother: Well it has something to do with God so it's not very nice.
God splits the skin with a jagged thumbnail from throat to belly and then plunges a huge filthy hand in, he grabs hold of your bloody tubes and they slip to evade his grasp but he squeezes hard, he insists, he pulls and pulls till all your innards are yanked out and the pain! We can't even talk about that. And then he stuffs them back, dirty, tangled and torn. It's up to you to do the stitching.

Harper: And then up you get. And walk around.

Mormon Mother: Just mangled guts pretending.

Harper: That's how people change.”

I was laid off this past week.

It's a little easier to type those words out, now that it's been a few days. When I first got the news, I tried my best to not cry in front of my boss (though I think he knew I was going to), but I couldn't stop all of the tears. I spent the next few days alternating between feeling numb, crying my eyes out, and screaming away my pain.

I knew my current job wasn't going to be forever, I just thought I'd stay on a few more years. I really liked my coworkers and bosses. I liked the work. I wanted things to go a lot differently.

I was content with how my life was going, even if it wasn't perfect.

Tuesday came, and the universe decided I needed a good hard b!tch slap.

Thankfully I'm in a better position than I thought, even if it's been difficult for me to see that through all of my emotions. I have a very loving and supportive family, even if it sometimes feels like they are trying to smother me. And I have some of the most wonderful friends a person could ever ask for.

Everyone is giving me really good advice and assuring me that it's not the end of the world...even if I still somewhat feel it is. I need to process all of my emotions before I can take my next steps.

I have no idea what's going to happen over the next few weeks, let alone the next few months. Well, I do know that my sister needs help with her wedding, so I have that on my agenda.

And I do have some good news to come out of this week. I received my first publication contract. One of my short stories will be appearing in the anthology Hell's Highway. It was wonderful news to come after being laid off.

The Mormon Mother's words on change are graphic, painful, and spot on. My body felt like it was being ripped to pieces on Tuesday.

Today, though I'm still sad and scared about what the future will bring, I'm doing a lot better. I'm more hopeful and positive.

Change is a constant of life. I may be resistant and try to avoid it, but I may have needed it.

Thank you all for reading and if you haven't seen it, please go watch "Angels in America".

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

I might take next week off from writing since I need to dedicate some time to my sister's wedding. So I'll simply say, until next time.

Welcome to the Eye of the Storm

I am utterly fascinated by hurricanes. I both fear and love them.

My fear is perfectly just. I grew up along the Atlantic coast and got to ride out a number of tropical storms over the years. I think the highest might have been a Category 2 hurricane, usually it was a tropical storm by the time it hit my area. But nothing like the storm that just hit The Bahamas.

Dorian was a slow moving Category 5 when it hit the islands and then just stopped moving for a day. That is terrifying. The pictures and videos of the catastrophe are all over the internet. At least 30 people were killed last weekend. (Edit - as of 9/9/2019 the death toll has risen to 44.)

Rebuilding The Bahamas is going to take time (if you're interested in donating to help, see this Washington Post article).

This is just the latest powerful storm to tear up the Atlantic seaboard. Last year we had 15 storms strong enough to be named, two of which hit the feared Category 4 (Florence) and Category 5 (Michael) status. In 2017, we had 17 named storms, with four that hit Categories 4 (Harvey and Jose) and 5 (Irma and Maria). Puerto Rico is still feeling the effects of Maria two years later.

With climate change and the sea temperatures rising, these dangerous storms are only going to become more and more fearsome. We're going to hear more stories similar to what happened in The Bahamas. More people will lose everything to an indiscriminate monster that can't be controlled.

However, the stories about the lengths people go to help others is amazing. One of my favorite stories out of The Bahamas was about a woman who took in nearly 100 dogs into her home. She likely saved all of those doggies lives. There are tons of pictures of brave people in boats patrolling neighborhoods, taking in anyone they can to shelters. 

Humans have managed to pull off a lot of amazing things since we evolved, however, it's only in our science fiction dreams that we can control the weather. The best we can do is look at the patterns in our atmosphere and predict what change of rain we might have over hte next week. We're getting better, but it's still not perfect.

Which is kind of why I also love hurricanes as much as fear them. They're a lot like giant twisters (another weather phenomena that I fear) with a central focal point and strong winds winding round and round. The patterns they create are beautiful in their own terrifying way. 

I admit that I get a little excited seeing these storms. Currently I've been monitoring Tropical Storm Gabrielle. She's stayed mostly in the Atlantic away from any land (including small islands) from what I can tell. I'm happy that no one was hurt by her and there hasn't been any reported damage. I'm also fascinated by how she looks sitting in our atmosphere. She reminds me of a small child swirling whipped cream around the top of their hot chocolate or a seashell getting tossed about in the current.

From up above, she doesn't seem that scary. Underneath her is an entirely different story. She's the kind of storm that would sink ships without knowing they were in her path.

Hurricanes are completely indiscriminate in their rampage. They don't target anyone or anything, not like a predator stalking prey. They have no motivations. 

Hurricanes simply exist.

I fear the day that a Category 5 Hurricane comes up the mid-Atlantic and hits New York, DC, Baltimore, or Philadelphia. It's not outside of the realm of possibilities, but it's very unlikely. Part of me wants to be there if and when it happens. 

I hope everyone stays safe this hurricane season and that the people of The Bahamas are able to rebuild quickly. Hurricanes aren't going away and we aren't likely to create a weather machine in my life time. So the best way that we can deal with these storms is to study them and prepare for worst case scenarios. 

For those of us who aren't scientists, know you're evacuation routes, know safe places you can go in a hurry, and for the love of the universe DO NOT FORGET YOUR PETS! Not everyone is as mobile as everyone else. Not everyone owns a car or has the capability to get to safety on their own. If you can, try to incorporate helping those in need into your plans as well. Hurricanes aren't the only natural disasters this applies to. Earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, rouge waves, blizzards, tornadoes, and water spouts are just a few types of disasters to plan for. 

Until next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me.

Welcome to Nostalgic Cringe

Apparently someone this week sent out into the Internet an article about how awe full the 90s show "Friends" is. I only found out about it because it’s been in my Twitter trends for the past couple of days.

I vaguely remember watching friends. I think I found it funny, but it’s been so long that I don’t really remember. I just know I watched the show if nothing else was on. I don’t think I’ve even seen the series finale, which shows how much I cared.

I do know that the author of the original article is right about one thing, "Friends" has some seriously dated and cringe moments. Like to the point where I can’t watch a 5 minute clip without pausing.

I can take guesses about why "Friends" has somehow managed to stay relevant going into the 2020s, but really I think it comes down to a nostalgia for a time that never really existed. It’s the same reason I get sucked into watching "Leave It To Beaver" with my dad, or why I just binged 5 seasons of "Murder She Wrote". These shows take place in an idealized world, in places that never really existed, to distract us for an hour or so from our inadequate lives.

Quality of these nostalgic shows may vary. Aging into the 2020s is not always applicable.

For example, I finally sat down and watched every episode of the Original Star Trek series. I came out of that binge with a few thoughts. 1. It is such a product of the 60s - from the clothes to the hair to the crazy colors. So freaking 60s. 2. The sass is strong with this show, especially if it's Spock or Chekov doing the sassing. They have some of the best comebacks in the series.

And finally, 3. there are so many cringe moments in this show. I don’t want to call out any particular scene or episode (though "Plato’s Stepchildren" was tough for me to sit through), but there were a lot of cringe moments that had me thinking “this wouldn’t be done today”.

Do I think that people shouldn’t watch the Original Star Trek Series? No, I think people should keep watching (and learning) from this show. It’s entertaining as all get out, even if some of it hasn’t aged very well and is definitely a product of the 60s.

Rewatching "Star Trek: The Next Generation" occasionally gives me similar feels as my take on the Original Series. It’s great when it’s great, Q is a hilarious villain, and there are some cringe moments that make me question certain production choices. Like who in their right mind let’s a child have a very important position on the bridge? There were better ways to have had Wesley be involved in the series.

The same can be said of most TV shows and movies. It’s hard to make something timeless. I can totally tell the difference between the 60s "Batman" show, the 90s animated show, and the Chris Nolan movies of the mid-2000s and know exactly when they were made based on the technology and aesthetic. My only exception (which others may argue with me on) is the first Tim Burton "Batman" movie from 89. Okay yes, the women’s hair totally have an 80s vibe, but so much of that "Batman" world was styled to be a mash of 40, 50s, 60s, and 80s aesthetic as to be uniquely timeless.

Another show I loved as a child and have been rewatching for mindless nostalgia is "Sailor Moon". Thankfully someone managed to update and fix the first awful dubbing I had as a child. It’s a lot better than the 90s, but that doesn’t mean that it’s aged well. "Sailor Moon" is totally a product of the 90s and there are some major cringe moments that I didn’t pick up on as a kid, but find super awkward as an adult.

NO ITS NOT. IT'S WORSE!

The biggest cringe moment (at least right now) for me was the relationship between Usagi’s (Serena in the original dub) friend Naru (original dub Molly with a thick Boston accent) and the villain Nephrite. Naru is a middle school girl, 14 max. Nephrite is an adult. At first he totally takes advantage of Naru’s crush on him, as any villain would, but by his down fall he genuinely claims to love a MIDDLE SCHOOL CHILD. And not love as in “I-think-of-her-as-my-daughter” love, this is supposed to be interpreted as romantic love.

So much cringe.

And this doesn’t even cover the slightly less cringe romantic relationship between the lead Usagi (again a middle schooler) and college student Mamoru (Darien in the first English dub). Their relationship is seriously messed up at times.

However, I still love the show, cringe and all.

Though there have been shows and movies that I've gone back and tried to watch for nostalgia reasons and been completely turned off by their cringe factors. "The Mighty Morphing Power Rangers" may hold a special place in my heart, but I can't for the life of me get through a whole episode in one sitting anymore.

So is "Friends" as terrible as the author of the article made it sound? I don't know, I haven't watched it in a while and I don't plan to any time soon. It's definitely a product of the 90s and should be viewed as such. Times have changed, "Friends" has not.

Hopefully the next sitcom to define a generation is the timeless treasure we deserve, but I doubt that.

Do you guys have a show or movie you find nostalgic, but also a little cringe?

If you say no, you're either too young to feel nostalgia or you're lying.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Until next week.

Welcome to an Arts Micro-Vacation

This weekend I spent in New York City. I don’t usually spend a full weekend in the city, especially not in the summer months because of the heat and even worse humidity. It’s often crowded and space, as rare as it normally is, becomes nearly impossible to find.

But really, that’s New York in a nutshell.

So, why did I choose to spend a weekend wandering around a city that I typically avoid during the burger of tourist season?

I decided to take the opportunity to see a couple of plays. I got tickets to see To Kill a Mockingbird months ago (because any sooner was near impossible in my price range). Then, about two weeks ago I saw that Tom Hiddleston and Charlie Cox would be in the play, Betrayal, on Broadway. It was an opportunity I didn’t want to waste.

I felt it was too hard to do my usual commute back and forth into the city, so I opted to just stay the night. I call it a micro-vacation.

The plays were only part of the trip. I now had ample free time to do a few other things - like eat in Hell’s Kitchen (Maria Pia is one of my favorite restaurants in that area), see some of new exhibits at The Met, and enjoy my wanders around the many parks (Central being my favorite).

It’s calm and peaceful and everything is set to my pace.

This also isn’t the first micro-vacation I’ve taken this month (last weekend I was in Hershey with a friend). They’re a nice indulgence when I can’t get far away from home for a long period of time.

This trip has been centered around the Arts. The Art of the Stage Production, The Art of Fashion (The Met has a really cool exhibit on Camp right now that was really cool and informative on the history of LGBTQ+ culture), The Art of Food, and The Art of Adaptation.

I don't think that last art gets as much attention as many of the others. Adaptation takes an already created work and transforms it. In this case, I'm referring to the play To Kill a Mockingbird.

My introduction to the story was like many American high schoolers, by reading the novel for English Lit. class. I think it says something about the books that they were making us read that I still think of it as the "happiest" book we read that year. To be clear, this book is not "happy" in the slightest, just happier than everything else we read in 9th grade.

It wasn't that much later that I saw the movie with Gregory Peck as the too prefect for this world Atticus Finch. Both the book and the movie are excellent. The movie definitely does the book justice, though I recall it leaves a number of scenes out.

The play has a very different structure from the book and movie, but this is an adaptation that I think does both justice in a time where a few updates needed to be made. Jeff Daniels is excellent as Atticus Finch, showing both his strengths and deep flaws as a white man living in the south during the 1930s. He even gets called out several times on his actions by the family's black house keeper, Calpurnia, which I don't remember happening in the movie or the book.

I thought the updates were needed and I found myself frustrated by Atticus, more forgiving of Jem, and enjoying the non-linear story telling.

Which brings me to the other play I saw. I went into the play Betrayal only knowing that it was a play about an affair told in reverse, also Tom Hiddleston and Charlie Cox were in it. I enjoyed the acting and the story, but I didn't understand at all why two of the characters started having an affair (even at the end when it showed how the affair started).

I won't spoil the story, but I admit I had a hard time relating to the characters. The only character I somewhat sympathized with was Tom Hiddleston's Robert, though I might have also sympathized with Zawe Ashton's character, Emma, with a few more scenes providing context to some of her claims.

Charlie Cox's character, Jerry, was just an all around clueless B@$%@#d.

I think the coolest part of the play was how time was portrayed. They had a circular revolving stage (one ring on the inside and another on the outside) with only two chairs, and later a table, as the set. As time moved backward the circles would turn and there would be a projection of how far back in time we had gone in the story. There was also a lot of excellent shadow play with light projections and use of the circles to show how all of the characters orbited around each other.

My final thoughts on the weekend are from while I was at The Met. I got to see the incomplete masterpiece of St. Jerome by Leonardo Da Vinci, which was cool, a very cool presentation of music and visual landscape of Iceland called "Death is Elsewhere" which was projected on screens surrounding the viewers, and an exhibit on Camp.

I honestly knew nothing about Camp before I went into the exhibit. It's history and evolution are closely tied to the history of (mostly male)  LGBTQ+ culture. It's an Art of Fashion and Self Expression. Though I don't think I could pull off any of the looks, I was fascinated by everything I saw.

It was a fun weekend and I experienced a lot. I'd recommend any of the plays I saw and the exhibits at the Met. Also Hell's Kitchen is a must for people who like good food.

Until next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Welcome to a Childhood Dreams

In the early 2000s there was a TV show on the Travel Channel called "Great Hotels" hosted by Samantha Brown. My sister and I loved the show for a variety of reasons. Some of our favorite episodes included her trips to the Disney Hotels where she also got to check out one of the parks, any time she went to Hawaii, and her trip to The Hotel Hershey where she spent the day at the Hershey Spa.

As soon as I saw the Hershey Spa episode, I knew that one day I would have to go and be drenched in chocolate.

This past weekend, I got to fulfill that dream with a friend of mine.

It was amazing.

Though we didn't get to stay at the beautiful 1933 Spanish and Italian influenced hotel (or as my dad calls it: "an example of American Imperialism at it's finest"), we did spend an entire day at the Hershey Hotel Spa. One day I hope to stay at the hotel (if only so that I can go to their outdoor pool area and slide down the two water slides) and have the whole amazing experience, but there are only so many excursions I can do at the moment.

A day at The Hotel Hershey Spa was well worth saving up for. We decided to do one of their garden and herbal packages and ended with a lovely chocolate message. By the time I was finished, I was a happy pile of goo. Basically I had turned into butter on a fresh baked roll in July. Plus my skin is so soft, it's amazing.

The experience was so much more than I expected. Not to mention the muffins are some of the best I've ever tasted and I could eat as many as I wanted.

I admit that I could gush about the experience throughout this post and turn it into a free advertisement for Hershey, but that's not entirely the point.

This was a wish fulfillment that I've been dreaming about doing for years. To some people it might seem silly or unappealing, but not all dreams have to appeal to everyone. I have a lot of dreams and wishes I have on my Bucket List. When I tell people about them, sometimes they're very encouraging, other times I'm straight up told I'm a weirdo and asked why "anyone would want to do that?"

They're still my dreams and wishes - most of which I have to work very hard to fulfill.

It took me years before I was able to have a spa experience like this, but the little kid in me is extremely happy. I'm extremely fortunate and lucky and I hope to continue to cross those items off the Bucket List.

Even as the Bucket List gets longer and longer as time goes by.

Until next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a message. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me.

Welcome to the Patterns in Hindsight

How many TV shows or movies have you guys watched and known exactly which characters aren't going to make it to the end? Or what about the crime shows that have you figuring out who the killer is in the first 15 minutes?

I've been watching a lot of Murder, She Wrote lately, and it has a fairly formulaic structure. Within the first few minutes a problem is introduced and the wacky group of characters are introduced. It's in these moments that I can usually pin point whose murder J B Fletcher is going to be solving. It takes me another twenty minutes or so to figure out who did it. 

The killer and the person killed are nearly always introduced at the very start of the show.

This formula can be seen in a lot of other crime or mystery based dramas. Heck, even my beloved Scooby Doo uses it. It's rare when we have no idea who's under the mask. 

It's even easier to pick up these hints when watching multiple episodes at a time. Until I actually started binge watching Murder She Wrote, I almost never picked up on the subtle clues that were peppered throughout, but once you know what to look for (usually a throw away line about some important piece of information that the character in question shouldn't know about) that leads to picking out the killer way before the big reveal. 

Horror movies follow a similar patter that has now been deconstructed to death (let's conclude that this pun was intended). Cabin in the Woods is the most famous modern example. The iconic Scream even has a scene where the character Randy lists all of the rules that keep you alive in movies. Since Randy follows the rules, he gets to live to the sequel.

Re-watching these movies, I start to pick up on the hints of what led to a person dying. Either they broke one of the cardinal rules of horror movies ("don't have sex, don't drink or do drugs, and never, ever say you'll be right back") or they made a mistake that led them right to the killer.

Real life isn't entirely like horror movies or 60 minute mystery shows. The hero isn't always around to stumble across a dead body and piece together the clues like a prefect puzzle. Real life is messy, chaotic, and even senseless.

However, that doesn't mean that there aren't patterns that don't emerge when horrible events do occur. Humans like patterns, our brains are built to recognize them (even when they aren't there, but that's another blog post). It could be a person's search history, the posts they tweet on Twitter, the groups they like on Facebook, or if they're on an FBI watch list. 

These patterns that our brains detect have helped our species survive and thrive. It's why some people are extremely intuitive and know when to listen to their "gut". It's why we sometimes get a creepy feeling that tells us that danger is around in an otherwise perfectly normal setting.

I sometimes feel like Sid and the cameraman trying to tell Randy, who's screaming at movie Jamie Lee Curtis that Michael Myers is right behind her in a movie, that Ghost Face is behind him with a knife. I can see the danger, but there's nothing I can do about it. I can't change a story that's already been written.

But isn't that how some of us who watch scary movies or murder mysteries feel when we know what's about to happen? We've figured out who and where the killer is and can do nothing to help the victim. We're just watching events unfold on a screen, wishing, praying that our favorite characters will survive. 

We know the patterns and unless we're willing to do something about them, the horror movie killer will keep coming back.

If you liked this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me. 

Until next week.

Welcome to Fun in the Mud

Yesterday I did my first ever mud run. Muckfest is a multi-city mud run event with the goal of rising funds to find a cure for multiple sclerosis (MS). I know a few people who suffer from MS and have seen how it effects their lives. 

Muckfest (also known as the FUN mud run) has been around since 2011. A few years ago, my coworkers started to go as a fun way to do team building and fundraising for a good cause. This year was my first year along with one of my other coworkers.

I tried to do some training for the event, but I was still pretty unprepared for some of the obstacles (plus I walked instead of ran the 5K part). From what I’ve come to understand, each of the obstacles were selected because of how they related to the day to day struggles of people with MS. 

Some of them were fairly easy, like crawling over a rope bridge or swinging into a pool of muddy water. Some were very challenging, like rope climbing up and down a “mountain” or crawling on your stomach under a tarp through the very thick mud (I did not do this one).Some obstacles were funny, like getting hit by a giant ball and thrown into a mud puddle. Finally there were the downright terrifying obstacles, like jumping off a platform onto a blowup cushion (was no one else scared of this one or was it just me?).

Prior to crossing the starting line, the MC of the event got us pumped up and ready to get muddy. However, before we officially began, he told us that within 48 hours, we should be ready to tell a story about our time on the course. Whether it was helping someone with an obstacle or someone helping you, whether it was doing something you didn’t think you could do or facing an obstacle that you thought would be easy, we should tell our stories about our adventures running.

I don’t think I have an “amazing” stories to tell. I didn’t help many people as I was the person often being pulled out of the mud (it was very sticky). However, there were a number of challenges where I stood up afterwards, turned to my friend, threw my arms up and yelled “I live!” I especially didn’t like the obstacles where I was free-falling (either into a muddy water pit or a squishy giant pillow). 

It wasn’t an easy corse by any stretch of the imagination. For people living with MS, mobility can be very difficult. I know I often take for granted the fact that I am an able-bodied person.  Not everyone can do the same physical activities I can.

If you know someone who suffers from MS, please consider trying the Muckrun. There are a few events throughout the United States. You can create a team or donate money to a team. 

If you have MS, there are also options to participate in the run. I saw a few people who shared with the event that they have MS and wanted to run.

Oh and don’t wear a white shirt or sneakers. They will never be white again.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off), please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y’all like hearing from me.

Until next week.