Welcome to Creative Block

 I seem to need stability and a routine for me to be able to work on some of my creative projects. I’ve been really struggling with writing, painting, and my webcomic throughout the pandemic and it’s been a bit worse since my last layoff. 

I thought that with so much time on my hands, I’d be able to use it to finish my horror novel, maybe get a chapbook published, or work more on my art work. That hasn’t been the case. Anytime I sit down in front of my computer, I feel the need to work on job applications. Blank pieces of paper stay blank. I can’t remove the wrong words from a page to create some blackout poetry.

I have come to realize that I was able to do some of my best writing and art when I was working full time. Which sounds silly. I have a lot more free time now that I’m not working, why can’t I use it to do some creative work?

If I were to guess, it’s that I’m so stressed out right now that I just can’t create.

Well, that’s not entirely true. I can do some creative work. I’ve embraced doing cross stitch and crochet. I’ve brought a few patterns and pinned a bunch of ideas to my Pintrist board. 

I enjoy the repetitive stabbing of a needle trough a piece of fabric hundreds of times to create a picture. It’s therapeutic. Plus, I have a pattern to follow, so I’m not coming up with everything out of my own head.

Creativity is hard.

I tried taking a class on creativity. It became so overwhelming that I couldn’t finish it. Not that I didn’t enjoy it, just that I couldn’t find the right head space to work on the projects or the lessons. I’ve been taking a lot of online classes since the pandemic, it this was the first I really struggled with and I haven’t opted to take anymore since.

The creative process isn’t easy. It takes brain power, concentration, and the right head space. Since my world is off center at the moment, my struggle with creativity is at its highest. And I’m not alone. Lots of people have been having similar issues.

If you’re one of the creative types having a hard time right now, know you’re not alone.

There has been some good news for me since the year started. The anthology my short story “Model Mannequins” is in was just released. If you’d like to order a copy you can click the link here. I also just found out that another short story I wrote a few years ago called “Last Train to Waldwick” will be in Cosmic Horror Monthly.

So I’m struggling, but good things are still happening for me. I just gotta keep hoping the good things continue. It’s what I’ve got going for me.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y’all like hearing from me.

Until next week.

Welcome to the Quiet Reflection During Hard Times

 This week I was unfortunately laid off...again. 

It's a tough position to be in, especially now. I'm anxious and a bit scared, but I am thankful that I have a wonderful support system who are willing to help me through this. There are many other people in a similar position as myself who can't say that.

It sucks that this happened twice. It sucks that this time I'm facing the added hurdle that is a pandemic. It all around sucks.

As I am not a person who takes idleness well, I have already hit the ground running taking care of updating my resume, job hunting, and all the applications I need to put in now that my work status has changed. At least this time I know more of what I need to and should do.

My knowledge doesn't make the situation any easier. And it's also not just me this time - I have my evil fluffy kitty Karma to worry about.

My list of things I need to do is long and overwhelming. Just thinking about it leaves me wishing to curl up into a tiny ball under a blanket fort and pretend I'm six instead of an adult. But I'm getting them done one item at a time.

Worrying won't fix my situation, but I also can't be constantly working to "fix" it. I'll burn out or turn into a messy pile of shaky bones if I don't take a break every once in a while.

Last night, I needed to take some time to center myself. I grabbed my watercolors, paint brushes, and some washi tape. I cut one of my special art papers into six Polaroid shaped rectangles. Then, I started to paint.

I don't always know what I'm going to create when I put pencil or brush to paper. Sometimes I get inspiration from the colors I pick, other times its an image I've seen that I want to try to recreate. Last night it was a piece of music going through my head. It's a calm song called "The Sixth Station" by Joe Hisaishi and plays at the start of the final third of the movie Spirited Away.

Though not perfect, I am very happy how it turned out

The calming music gave me inspiration. I hummed along with it as I did my best to bring the images in my mind to life on paper. I bobbed and I swayed and I left my mind picture the beautiful image of Chihiro walking along the train tracks covered in water to catch a train.

I love the movie Spirited Away. Chihiro's character grows a lot during the story. There are a lot of unique characters and intense action scenes. Some moments are silly and the animation is wild. But then there are the times when the film is quiet, contemplative. One of those moments is when "The Sixth Station" plays. 

Chihiro is on her way to visit the witch Zeniba - twin sister to the witch, Yubaba, who runs the bathhouse and turned Chihiro's parents into pigs. The scene is beautiful, quiet, and a little melancholic. Chihiro has no idea if Yubaba is going to eat her parents or not. She's worried and scared for her friend Haku. 

However, Chihiro has grown so much since the start of her adventure and this quiet moment is a reflection on all the hard work she's done. There's a chance things may go wrong, but there's an even bigger chance they'll go right.

And [SPOILERS] things go right for Chihiro. She finds a wonderful ally with Zeniba who gives her the courage and wisdom to overcome her last challenge. 

Through all my trials and tribulations over the last two years, I hope that I'm (metaphorically) on my way to visit Zeniba. Yes, there's still a lot of hard work to do. Zeniba puts Chihiro's friends to work, while she sits and thinks on everything she's learned. Chihiro pulls through and I know I will too.

Being laid off is the worst. It's an emotional roller coaster and it's very easy to be left doubting oneself. Taking a quiet moment to reflect or do something that will help relax away the tension is just as important as doing that hard work. 

Muscles tense? Take a hot bubble bath and give yourself a bubble mustache and beard. Mind going a million miles a minute? Take a walk or do a breathing exercise (especially if you find meditating hard).  Find a moment for yourself.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me.

Until next week.