Welcome To The "What If Loop"

Or Why Being A "New" Adult Is Stressful

I like security and familiarity. It's probably why I have such a hard time getting rid of silly things like pictures or all of my books. I feel at home with them. Unfortunately this past year hasn't been the kindest to my sense of stability and familiarity.

Sure, I have a stable job and income, but I just moved several states away from all my friends and family. My roommate is great, but we've only known each other for a few months. Sure, I have my own room, but I sometimes still feel like I'm invading someone's space. It's a new experience that I don't have a reference point for. It makes me nervous and occasionally more paranoid than usual.

Then there is my questioning. Some days I worry that I'm going to wake up and find out I made this whole trip of to New Jersey up and that I don't actually work here. So far this fear hasn't become too irrational, but it's always in the back of my mind (variations of this include being fired, ending up in the emergency room for insert physical malady here, and insert horrible natural disaster here).

This leads to my "what if loop." What is a that? Basically it's how I think of my anxiety. When I'm really anxious, all I can think about it what if x, y, or z happens. Heck, sometimes I think in term of what if a, b, c or d didn't actually happen and instead I made them up (this happens a lot when I'm dating someone). 

These thought patterns used to not be that bad. They usually followed along the lines of "what if I don't pass this test" or "what if I forget my lunch at home." Sure it was hard to concentrate thinking like that and I tended to make them seem bigger than they really were, but they weren't all that life changing. Now, though, there's a lot more that can change. I don't feel that I have the same safety nets I did in college. These are the worse when I can't fall asleep or am so worked up that I can't stop talking in a loop.

Okay, yeah, everyone is a phone call/text message/ skype call/email away, but it isn't the same as seeing them in person. There are days where I wish I didn't worry all the time (then again, I sometimes wonder if I'd be happy if I didn't worry about something).

The trick is trying to stay calm and just go with what ever is happening. I have to remind myself that I can't control everything and that I need to calm down enough to make a critical decision.

How do I calm myself down? I think there's already a blog post about that (Welcome to Self Reflection should be it), but in a nut shell, Yoga, meditation and writing help out a lot. My focus doesn't even need to be on my problem while I'm doing any of those activities. I am able to let it all out and feel mentally prepared for my next step.

Which could always lead me right off a cliff if I'm not paying attention. It's a delicate balance.

Until next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off), please, like, share, or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me. Now to go figure out this life stuff.

Welcome To Exhaustion

It's winter. Once again snow is in the forecast and it's still cold (obviously if snow is on the way). All I want to do is hibernate until spring. Unfortunately I am obligated to get my sorry self up and work tomorrow. How I wish I was still in school and could enjoy a snow day.

It's not uncommon for me to suddenly become a complete sloth in winter. It's not "cabin fever" where I'm restless and need to get out of my home (though if I'm stuck in my home long enough I start longing for an excuse to see the world).

I remember coming back from rugby practice one weekend, passing out and sleeping for 12 hours. I vaguely recall one of my roommates asking if they should wake me up to go see a show and another saying to just let me sleep. I woke up the next morning feeling great and ready for another all day practice. I hurt all over Monday morning, but it was worth it.

So my first question is, how do I beat the urge to sleep my weekend away? Perhaps I should try to get enough sleep during the week (haha like that will ever happen). It might work. Perhaps I should drink more coffee (I probably drink way more than I should already).

Then there are the days I'm so tired I can't sleep. I think those days are the worst. I am ready to drop off into dream land and I can't.

Why?

Usually I'm stressed or obsessing about something (never a good thing). It's been a tough couple of months and I think the stress is finally catching up with me. I sometimes just wish that the world would stop and let me catch up with it. Most of the time I feel like I'm being dragged by my ankles behind the unstoppable flow of time.

Other times I don't know why I can't fall asleep, so I drink some tea and curl up under a blanket. It usually works a little faster than staring at my ceiling. I think I'll do that after the Simpsons tonight. If only the fan in my heater wouldn't stop squeaking (supposedly that's getting fixed tomorrow).

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Welcome To Long Weekends

Tomorrow is Martin Luther King Jr. Day in the US? That means I have an extra day free to do whatever I want. I think I'm going to spend it relaxing and pretending the outside world doesn't exist. These days don't come very often, so it's nice when they do.

However, if I stay at my place and don't do anything for the three days, I can occasionally get a little bored and restless. There are a lot of things you can do on a long weekend. Here is a list of my top five things to do on a long weekend.

5) Do nothing but sleep for an entire day. It might not be the most productive thing to do, but it can be very rewarding.

4) Go on a cleaning spree. It's hard to clean during the week because once I get home that's it I'm done. I'm making dinner and relaxing. That's it.

3) Go into the city. I get to explore the area and see some of the sights. Also food!

2) Have a mini vacation. It's fun to get away and go exploring. Having an extra day to not rush back to real life is what makes it the best time to go over a long weekend.

1) Having friends and/or family come visit. They can go exploring with you or help you with a video game binge.

Long weekends are fun, yet rare. I try to enjoy them when I can and hopefully you guys do to. Some of my friends have the option to trade the day off for a different day later. I sometimes wishi had this option, but I dont.

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. day everyone. Maybe we can all celebrate by seeing Selma. U til next week.

If you enjoyed this post, or it pissed you off, please like, share or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.