Welcome to a Season in Transition

Fall is my favorite season.

The air is crisp and clean compared to the moisture and humidity of summer. Trees transition from vibrant greens to brilliant reds, yellows, and oranges. The farmers market is full of fresh produce and food has an extra layer of spice.

The weather is constantly changing. One minute it’s cool with a light breeze, perfect for sweaters and blankets. Then it’s back up to the 90s and I’m back in shorts and a tank top. Thunderstorms aren’t quite as dramatic in the fall like they are in summer, unless it’s a major storm. The world seems a little brighter, though that could be the decrease in moisture in the air and the sun’s rays reflecting off the changing leaves.

Time to gather around the bond fire

Much like spring, fall feels too short. It’s supposed to last about three months as all the other seasons are supposed to. It never does.

This fall has started out a lot different than usual.

I remember when I started this blog, I lamented about how weird it was that I wasn’t going back to school like I had every other year since I was 4 or 5. This year, I got laid off and my sister got married. I managed to sell my first short story.

Another fall pass time at school we’re challenging the anti-education protestors.

I’m not sure where I’m going.

I’m not entirely sure where I want to be.

Change is my only certainty.

I named this blog “Starting Out in Wonderland” after one of my favorite books because the adult world felt like entering Alice’s Wonderland. Nonsensical and illogical, but with arbitrary rules I had to follow even if they still don’t make much sense to me.

I start every blog post with “Welcome to...” after the anime “Welcome to the NHK”. I had to watch it in college for one of my classes. It’s not one of my favorite anime series, but it resonated with me. I think it’s because the anime focuses on three people trying to navigate the adult world while struggling with their mental health and personal demons. I should really rewatch it. The light novel and manga the series is based on are a little different, so I can’t comment on them.

There are days where I wish I was still in high school or college and the most stressful things I had to worry about was passing my next test. There are days where I wish it was the future and I was delighted with everything I had accomplished. Content with where life has taken me.

Rarely do I take the time to appreciate the present.

I’m currently sitting in my apartment, rewatching “The Haunting of Hill House” for the third time. Occasionally the wind shifts and light bounces around the walls, highlights of pale yellow and green against a bright blue sky and warm orange sunlight. I try to spot the hidden ghosts in the show between typing out these words.

I dislike uncertainty. Planning for things comes naturally to me. Being idle is not ideal. I need to do something.

So I write and do research until I figure out what to do next.

If you enjoyed this post, or it really pissed you off, please like share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Until next week.

Welcome to The Wedding Party

It has been a rollercoaster past couple of weeks. I was laid off, got my first short story publication offer, and my adorable baby sister got married to a wonderful guy this past Friday. I’ve learned that my friends have my back, my crazy family is extremely supportive, and (most importantly) I never ever want to have a wedding.

That’s not to say marriage is off the table, just that I don’t want to go through a year of angst, crazy prices, and extreme drama for just one day.

Not that my sister’s wedding wasn’t fun. It totally was. I was happy to be there for her and help her as much as I could.

But if I ever get married, I plan on doing it in a T-shirt and jeans in front of the Justice of the Peace. No fuss, no frills, and minimal drama.

But there may be cake...

I then hope that my sigfig and I travel around to our friends and family to have celebratory parties. None of this overpriced venues for “wedding” nonsense.

Though I admit that my sister and brother-in-law’s choice of chapel and reception were on point. They decided to have the wedding in the chapel in Greenfield Village (a historical park created by Henry Ford in Dearborn, MI). The reception was in the large dinning area next door. We had the run of the area with some outside seating and great photo opportunities.

My family came together for my sister too. Everyone did something to help out.

My aunts did all of the flowers and decorations. My uncle put together a corn hole set for people to sign at the reception. My dad led the prayer. A family friend did our makeup. And our photographer was another old family friend (she was also there as a guest).

By the end of everything, I was dead tired and couldn’t feel my feet anymore. I’m still somewhat in need of time to recover.

Weddings are a lot. There’s a lot of people to talk to, food to eat, and numerous things can go wrong. Emotions are at an all time high and focus needs to be on the bride and groom. There will be drama (I know I’ve mentioned it quite a bit in this post so far) and people might get their feelings hurt (hopefully not too badly).

My sister’s wedding was beautiful, fun, and chaotic.

I still don’t want to have one.

However, a number of people said I was the funniest person that had to make a speech that night. Plus I got a couple of zingers in while the bride and groom thanked everyone. My sister nearly killed me, but ended up laughing her butt off after the shock my innuendo passed.

I had to make a speech, because I was a “person of honor”. I kept it short, simple and to the point. I only included a couple of inside family jokes. A good chunk of my brother-in-law’s family had no idea I was the older sibling until I mentioned it in the speech. It made for a good laugh.

As far as I know, everyone had fun. Though a couple of people did get lost and ended up at the wrong wedding,  it thankfully everyone made it to the reception. I wouldn’t have changed a thing about the day (except maybe have broken in my shoes better).

Until next week.

“I can’t believe we’re finally here. Today, my adorable baby sister, Cecil B. DeMille, married one of the most wonderful guys I have ever met. Lenz, you make my sister very happy and that makes me very happy. I first met Lenz at Buschgardens Hallowscream event. It’s probably the best way to meet your future brother-in-law because you get to see how he reacts to your sister jumping on him when a guy in a mask yells ‘BOO!’ Wine and Jell-O shots may have also been involved.

“So guys, I wish you all the best and I hope you have many more adventures.”

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Welcome to the Sudden Changes I Probably Needed...

...but didn't really want.

A few years ago, for LGBTQ+ month, I took the time to watch the six hour HBO miniseries "Angels in America" adapted from the play with the same name by Tony Kushner. I knew very little about the play other than a recommendation in one of Lindsay Ellis's YouTube video essays and by watching Kyle Kallgren's YouTube analysis of it.

I immediately fell in love with the 2 part, 6 episode production. If I ever get the opportunity to see the original play on stage, I will take it in a heart beat.

One of my favorite quotes from the play comes at a point where one character, Harper, is being forced to reevaluate her life and figure out what she wants. She ends up having a conversation with an animated mannequin of a pioneer Mormon woman that goes as follows:

 “Harper: In your experience of the world. How do people change? 

Mormon Mother: Well it has something to do with God so it's not very nice.
God splits the skin with a jagged thumbnail from throat to belly and then plunges a huge filthy hand in, he grabs hold of your bloody tubes and they slip to evade his grasp but he squeezes hard, he insists, he pulls and pulls till all your innards are yanked out and the pain! We can't even talk about that. And then he stuffs them back, dirty, tangled and torn. It's up to you to do the stitching.

Harper: And then up you get. And walk around.

Mormon Mother: Just mangled guts pretending.

Harper: That's how people change.”

I was laid off this past week.

It's a little easier to type those words out, now that it's been a few days. When I first got the news, I tried my best to not cry in front of my boss (though I think he knew I was going to), but I couldn't stop all of the tears. I spent the next few days alternating between feeling numb, crying my eyes out, and screaming away my pain.

I knew my current job wasn't going to be forever, I just thought I'd stay on a few more years. I really liked my coworkers and bosses. I liked the work. I wanted things to go a lot differently.

I was content with how my life was going, even if it wasn't perfect.

Tuesday came, and the universe decided I needed a good hard b!tch slap.

Thankfully I'm in a better position than I thought, even if it's been difficult for me to see that through all of my emotions. I have a very loving and supportive family, even if it sometimes feels like they are trying to smother me. And I have some of the most wonderful friends a person could ever ask for.

Everyone is giving me really good advice and assuring me that it's not the end of the world...even if I still somewhat feel it is. I need to process all of my emotions before I can take my next steps.

I have no idea what's going to happen over the next few weeks, let alone the next few months. Well, I do know that my sister needs help with her wedding, so I have that on my agenda.

And I do have some good news to come out of this week. I received my first publication contract. One of my short stories will be appearing in the anthology Hell's Highway. It was wonderful news to come after being laid off.

The Mormon Mother's words on change are graphic, painful, and spot on. My body felt like it was being ripped to pieces on Tuesday.

Today, though I'm still sad and scared about what the future will bring, I'm doing a lot better. I'm more hopeful and positive.

Change is a constant of life. I may be resistant and try to avoid it, but I may have needed it.

Thank you all for reading and if you haven't seen it, please go watch "Angels in America".

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

I might take next week off from writing since I need to dedicate some time to my sister's wedding. So I'll simply say, until next time.

Welcome to the Eye of the Storm

I am utterly fascinated by hurricanes. I both fear and love them.

My fear is perfectly just. I grew up along the Atlantic coast and got to ride out a number of tropical storms over the years. I think the highest might have been a Category 2 hurricane, usually it was a tropical storm by the time it hit my area. But nothing like the storm that just hit The Bahamas.

Dorian was a slow moving Category 5 when it hit the islands and then just stopped moving for a day. That is terrifying. The pictures and videos of the catastrophe are all over the internet. At least 30 people were killed last weekend. (Edit - as of 9/9/2019 the death toll has risen to 44.)

Rebuilding The Bahamas is going to take time (if you're interested in donating to help, see this Washington Post article).

This is just the latest powerful storm to tear up the Atlantic seaboard. Last year we had 15 storms strong enough to be named, two of which hit the feared Category 4 (Florence) and Category 5 (Michael) status. In 2017, we had 17 named storms, with four that hit Categories 4 (Harvey and Jose) and 5 (Irma and Maria). Puerto Rico is still feeling the effects of Maria two years later.

With climate change and the sea temperatures rising, these dangerous storms are only going to become more and more fearsome. We're going to hear more stories similar to what happened in The Bahamas. More people will lose everything to an indiscriminate monster that can't be controlled.

However, the stories about the lengths people go to help others is amazing. One of my favorite stories out of The Bahamas was about a woman who took in nearly 100 dogs into her home. She likely saved all of those doggies lives. There are tons of pictures of brave people in boats patrolling neighborhoods, taking in anyone they can to shelters. 

Humans have managed to pull off a lot of amazing things since we evolved, however, it's only in our science fiction dreams that we can control the weather. The best we can do is look at the patterns in our atmosphere and predict what change of rain we might have over hte next week. We're getting better, but it's still not perfect.

Which is kind of why I also love hurricanes as much as fear them. They're a lot like giant twisters (another weather phenomena that I fear) with a central focal point and strong winds winding round and round. The patterns they create are beautiful in their own terrifying way. 

I admit that I get a little excited seeing these storms. Currently I've been monitoring Tropical Storm Gabrielle. She's stayed mostly in the Atlantic away from any land (including small islands) from what I can tell. I'm happy that no one was hurt by her and there hasn't been any reported damage. I'm also fascinated by how she looks sitting in our atmosphere. She reminds me of a small child swirling whipped cream around the top of their hot chocolate or a seashell getting tossed about in the current.

From up above, she doesn't seem that scary. Underneath her is an entirely different story. She's the kind of storm that would sink ships without knowing they were in her path.

Hurricanes are completely indiscriminate in their rampage. They don't target anyone or anything, not like a predator stalking prey. They have no motivations. 

Hurricanes simply exist.

I fear the day that a Category 5 Hurricane comes up the mid-Atlantic and hits New York, DC, Baltimore, or Philadelphia. It's not outside of the realm of possibilities, but it's very unlikely. Part of me wants to be there if and when it happens. 

I hope everyone stays safe this hurricane season and that the people of The Bahamas are able to rebuild quickly. Hurricanes aren't going away and we aren't likely to create a weather machine in my life time. So the best way that we can deal with these storms is to study them and prepare for worst case scenarios. 

For those of us who aren't scientists, know you're evacuation routes, know safe places you can go in a hurry, and for the love of the universe DO NOT FORGET YOUR PETS! Not everyone is as mobile as everyone else. Not everyone owns a car or has the capability to get to safety on their own. If you can, try to incorporate helping those in need into your plans as well. Hurricanes aren't the only natural disasters this applies to. Earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, rouge waves, blizzards, tornadoes, and water spouts are just a few types of disasters to plan for. 

Until next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me.

Welcome to Nostalgic Cringe

Apparently someone this week sent out into the Internet an article about how awe full the 90s show "Friends" is. I only found out about it because it’s been in my Twitter trends for the past couple of days.

I vaguely remember watching friends. I think I found it funny, but it’s been so long that I don’t really remember. I just know I watched the show if nothing else was on. I don’t think I’ve even seen the series finale, which shows how much I cared.

I do know that the author of the original article is right about one thing, "Friends" has some seriously dated and cringe moments. Like to the point where I can’t watch a 5 minute clip without pausing.

I can take guesses about why "Friends" has somehow managed to stay relevant going into the 2020s, but really I think it comes down to a nostalgia for a time that never really existed. It’s the same reason I get sucked into watching "Leave It To Beaver" with my dad, or why I just binged 5 seasons of "Murder She Wrote". These shows take place in an idealized world, in places that never really existed, to distract us for an hour or so from our inadequate lives.

Quality of these nostalgic shows may vary. Aging into the 2020s is not always applicable.

For example, I finally sat down and watched every episode of the Original Star Trek series. I came out of that binge with a few thoughts. 1. It is such a product of the 60s - from the clothes to the hair to the crazy colors. So freaking 60s. 2. The sass is strong with this show, especially if it's Spock or Chekov doing the sassing. They have some of the best comebacks in the series.

And finally, 3. there are so many cringe moments in this show. I don’t want to call out any particular scene or episode (though "Plato’s Stepchildren" was tough for me to sit through), but there were a lot of cringe moments that had me thinking “this wouldn’t be done today”.

Do I think that people shouldn’t watch the Original Star Trek Series? No, I think people should keep watching (and learning) from this show. It’s entertaining as all get out, even if some of it hasn’t aged very well and is definitely a product of the 60s.

Rewatching "Star Trek: The Next Generation" occasionally gives me similar feels as my take on the Original Series. It’s great when it’s great, Q is a hilarious villain, and there are some cringe moments that make me question certain production choices. Like who in their right mind let’s a child have a very important position on the bridge? There were better ways to have had Wesley be involved in the series.

The same can be said of most TV shows and movies. It’s hard to make something timeless. I can totally tell the difference between the 60s "Batman" show, the 90s animated show, and the Chris Nolan movies of the mid-2000s and know exactly when they were made based on the technology and aesthetic. My only exception (which others may argue with me on) is the first Tim Burton "Batman" movie from 89. Okay yes, the women’s hair totally have an 80s vibe, but so much of that "Batman" world was styled to be a mash of 40, 50s, 60s, and 80s aesthetic as to be uniquely timeless.

Another show I loved as a child and have been rewatching for mindless nostalgia is "Sailor Moon". Thankfully someone managed to update and fix the first awful dubbing I had as a child. It’s a lot better than the 90s, but that doesn’t mean that it’s aged well. "Sailor Moon" is totally a product of the 90s and there are some major cringe moments that I didn’t pick up on as a kid, but find super awkward as an adult.

NO ITS NOT. IT'S WORSE!

The biggest cringe moment (at least right now) for me was the relationship between Usagi’s (Serena in the original dub) friend Naru (original dub Molly with a thick Boston accent) and the villain Nephrite. Naru is a middle school girl, 14 max. Nephrite is an adult. At first he totally takes advantage of Naru’s crush on him, as any villain would, but by his down fall he genuinely claims to love a MIDDLE SCHOOL CHILD. And not love as in “I-think-of-her-as-my-daughter” love, this is supposed to be interpreted as romantic love.

So much cringe.

And this doesn’t even cover the slightly less cringe romantic relationship between the lead Usagi (again a middle schooler) and college student Mamoru (Darien in the first English dub). Their relationship is seriously messed up at times.

However, I still love the show, cringe and all.

Though there have been shows and movies that I've gone back and tried to watch for nostalgia reasons and been completely turned off by their cringe factors. "The Mighty Morphing Power Rangers" may hold a special place in my heart, but I can't for the life of me get through a whole episode in one sitting anymore.

So is "Friends" as terrible as the author of the article made it sound? I don't know, I haven't watched it in a while and I don't plan to any time soon. It's definitely a product of the 90s and should be viewed as such. Times have changed, "Friends" has not.

Hopefully the next sitcom to define a generation is the timeless treasure we deserve, but I doubt that.

Do you guys have a show or movie you find nostalgic, but also a little cringe?

If you say no, you're either too young to feel nostalgia or you're lying.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Until next week.