This past weekend I was invited to the Bat Mitzvah of a family friend's daughter. It was my first time going to a Bat Mitzvah and I thought it was a beautiful ceremony as well as a fun party. Our friends were extremely proud of their daughter and were thrilled to celebrate with family and friends.
A Bat Mitzvah is an important religious coming of age. Our friends' daughter had to attend Hebrew School and devote a lot of her free time to get ready for it. The closest I have ever experienced (and I don't feel it compares as much) was my confirmation. It was my religious coming of age in the church.
I think all kids both crave and fear adulthood. Adulthood is the freedom to do whatever you please (at least to a child it seems that way), but there are a lot of complicated feelings that come with growing up. There are many different religious and cultural events that indicate when a child has reached adulthood, but just because society deems someone an adult doesn't mean that that someone feels like one.
I know I sometimes still don't feel like an adult and I'm in my mid-twenties.
Someone please right a story based on this image...
Society has set the bar high when it comes to these events too. Shows like My Super Sweet 16 or the insane prom stories that pop up on Facebook in April and May have caused many teenagers to want big over-the-top parties and try to out do their friends. It can make a person envious.
Then there are the coming of age novels or movies that adults love to show teenagers. I remember having to watch Now and Then as well as Stand By Me when I was going through my confirmation classes and reading To Kill a Mockingbird and House on Mango Street in school. These books and movies were meant to help us understand that there would be a point were you just couldn't be a child anymore. The loss of childhood innocence was inevitable.
What all of these stories, movies, and shows didn't mention was that coming of age wasn't necessarily one event in your life time.
Some days I look back and don't feel I ever went through a coming of age event. There wasn't one moment that I instantly knew I wasn't a kid anymore.
Don't get me wrong, there were a lot of moments where I lost that "childhood innocence" adults try to protect. But I didn't have that big adventure that spanned one amazing summer that was a popular narrative in these stories.
I think that's true for a lot of people, especially people my age.
We're stuck in a weird limbo where we still feel like kids and wish we didn't have to face the cold world of adulthood. Childhood was fun and carefree, even if our parents and teachers had final say on everything. Adulthood is a mess of never ending responsibilities, so many uncertainties, and mixed emotions.
Childhood was full of possibility. Adulthood just feels overwhelming.
However, I couple of weeks ago, I was at a guest lecture event for one of my writing groups. While the author was describing the book he had written (The Ferryman Institute by Colin Gigl), he said that it was sort of a coming of age story for adults and that anyone can go through a coming of age story no matter how old they are.
It was a message that I think I needed to hear.
There are a lot of different adventures that I can go on throughout my life and I can learn and grow during each of them. Coming of age stories aren't just for children becoming adults, they're for everyone.
I hope everyone has a fun Halloween. Get dressed up, eat a ton of candy, and act like a little kid. I have several costumes picked out for the next couple of days.
Until next time!
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