I know I'm not the only person who has these types of dreams. It doesn't matter if they are about being a writer, a movie maker, a musician, or any other type of creation.
I've been told that I can write well. I've been told I have a wild imagination. I've been told that I am a good story teller. I've been told a lot of things about my writing, nearly all of them good.
Yet there's always this nagging voice in the back of my mind that causes me to doubt myself. Between writer's block and fear that my stories are no where near good enough for strangers to read, I struggle to finish short stories and novels (or if I do finish them, then finishing the rewriting and editing).
I don't make it a secret that I write fan fiction (no not the 50 Shades of Grey kind). It's where I've been experimenting with my style and different genres. I've gotten some great feedback on most of my stories. However, I've stopped rereading them.
Why?
Because when I go back and read those stories, all I see is where I could have improved them. I notice all the small changes that I could have made that would have made my work better. I also start to sometimes think that what I've written is silly and that maybe I shouldn't have posted them at all.
Doubt is my worst enemy.
Even this blog can be a struggle sometimes. I have posted once a week consistently (with one or two skips) since 2013. I've had many posts that I've started and then promptly deleted. There have been many weeks where I've wondered if I should click that "publish" button because once I do, anyone can see it.
Will people laugh at what I have to say? Am I writing anything worth reading? Is this even good?
Don't get me wrong. I know negative feedback is going to happen. I can't grow as a writer without negative feedback. I just find that there's a difference between being told that a few things in my writing don't work versus being told that what I've written is complete garbage. It's that fear of being complete garbage that always makes me pause (and occasionally ask someone for a second opinion) before hitting that "publish" button.
I've recently joined two writers groups. I've submitted a few samples of my writing and I've gotten the constructive feedback that I need (what does and doesn't work). Each time that it was my turn to submit, I almost said "never mind, I actually don't have anything to share."
Thankfully I didn't back out. I got the feedback that I needed to make improvements to future drafts and I'm looking to publish a short story (more developments to come). It helps my confidence to know that people like some of the things I write.
It might be totally irrational, but one of my biggest fears is that I'm not writing anything worth reading.
Finding that confidence might be the toughest challenge that I face, that or editing. I have very little patience for editing.
If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off), please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me. Until next week.
No comments:
Post a Comment