Welcome to a Haunting Christmas Story

There is an old Christmas tradition of telling scary stories at Christmas time. Modern times have (mostly) drifted from this practice, leaving all things spooky to the season of Halloween. However, there are still some frightening tales that are famously told and retold every year.

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens is the most well known Christmas horror story in modern times. You might be wondering why I call it a horror story when it has such an uplifting ending and is presented as family friendly - even the Muppets have adapted the story.

Yet, when I was a small child, watching my first adaptation of the story with Scrooge McDuck and Mickey Mouse in a half hour short, the scenes with Pete as the Ghost of Christmas Future always terrified me. Other adaptations have upped the spooky factor such as the Scrooge musical with Albert Finney that sends Mr. Scrooge to hell or the Disney version with Jim Carrey (if the animation doesn’t frighten you, the ghosts really will). Scrooged even has a dead body in it (though it’s more sad than frightening).

Even my favorite adaptation with George C. Scott (sorry Muppets) has some intense moments that leave the audience tense with suspense. When the Ghost of Christmas Present shows the children - Ignorance and Want - hiding under his robes, I jump back.

A Christmas Carol may be a traditional story, but there are other famous terrors of the season. 

Krampus has recently become an icon of holiday horror in the United States, though his folk legend origins in Germany are very old. There are now movies about Santa’s not so friendly companion and he makes frequent appearances in pop culture.

One could argue that Dr. Seuss’s character of The Grinch is very loosely related to Krampus in his hatred of Christmas and as a polar opposite to Santa (stealing rather than giving presents). The live action Jim Carrey version of the movie has a few scary moments that are overshadowed by the crude comedy. How the Grinch Stole Christmas is not a proper scary story, but it’s also not a saccharine one. It falls into that in-between space that other stories like Nightmare Before Christmas and A Christmas Carol do.

Another traditional Christmas baddie is Grýla along with her sons known as the Yule Lads. Much like Krampus, Grýla kidnaps naughty children around Christmas time and eats them. The Yule Lads are pranksters who, in modern times, give presents like Santa Claus to the children of Iceland. However, Grýla’s cat, known as The Yule Cat, continues to be an ominous presence - eating anyone who doesn’t receive new clothes to wear before Christmas Eve.

Moving away from the traditional and folk lore, there are plenty of 80s style slasher movies set around Christmas to satisfy the horror lover. Black Christmas has been remade a few times and there are a number of slashers where the mass murder dresses up at Saint Nick like in Silent Night, Deadly Night.

And then there’s Germlins. This movie mixes the dark fantasy styles of the 80s with a bit of creature feature, shaken well with Christmas spirit. For many an 80s child, this movie is an essential at Christmas time.

This year, in the Christmas tradition of haunting tales, we got the remake of Nosferatu - it was worth waiting 102 years for this one. Part gothic, part art house, all horror, this movie is intense. It flows like a dream…or nightmare. The camera transitions are smooth, yet uncomfortable. It takes place in early winter - complete with a Christmas scene. It drips with cold atmospheric tension that send shivers down the spine. 

So in the meaningless time in the last few days of 2024, pop in a spooky holiday movie and curl up with a hot beverage. You’ll make it through this winter yet.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y’all like hearing from me.

Until the next week.

Welcome to the Tale of Rebecca

A few months ago, I wrote a blog post about the gothic novel "Bluebeard's Castle" by Anna Biller. While the writing was solid, I found the characters to be insufferable. It's an excellent character study on what causes women to fall for and stay with bad men. However, some of those bad choices the main character made could have easily been prevented with a quick Google search.

I am not victim blaming. I am saying she had the technology to fact check her handsome creep and chose not to.

But that's all in the past. I've moved on to other books within the genre - books like "Rebecca" by Daphne du Maurier. 

"Rebecca" is one of those classic books (and movies) that everyone has (likely) heard of. It's most famous for having a protagonist without a name, a lot of twists and turns, and some queer subtext. Alfred Hitchcock directed the 1940 movie starring Laurence Olivier and Joan Fontaine. There's also a Netflix adaptation that I am ignoring. 

"Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again."

It's a haunting opening line to be sure. Our nameless narrator meets the much older Maximilian "Maxim" de Winter while on holiday with her employer, Mrs. Van Hopper, in Monte Carlo. They have a whirlwind romance (kind of sort of) after Mrs. Van Hopper is taken ill. Then decide to get married when Mrs. Van Hopper gets better and wants to return to America. Mrs. Van Hopper warns the narrator about marrying the mysterious de Winter, but is so unpleasant about it that I don't blame the narrator for running off.

The honeymoon is wonderful - or so we're told; it's not included in the text. Then, they arrive at Manderley and things start to unravel. Everyone expects that the nameless protagonist is about to step into the previous Mrs. de Winter's place, do things as she did, and prefer things as she preferred them. The narrator is so uncertain of herself - she is very young after all - that she goes along with the established routine. However, Maxim seems to be pulling away. Hurt and jealous of a dead woman, the narrator becomes even more timid and falls into more elaborate fantasies - which she is already prone to do. 

Rebecca...

Enforcing the traditions of the previous Mrs. de Winter is Mrs. Danvers, who seems to hate the narrator. There are a few intense scenes between the two women, which culminates in a nasty prank by Mrs. Danvers using the narrator to emotionally hurt Maxim. Mrs. Danvers loved Rebecca de Winter and thoroughly blames Maxim for her death.

For good reason, but that's getting into spoiler territory. 

The first half of "Rebecca" builds up the character, Rebecca, into this mythically perfect person who is wonderful and kind to everyone. Except, perhaps, she wasn't so nice to Ben, the neurodivergent (they didn't have this word in the 1930s when this book was published, but it's clear he is not neurotypical) "beach hermit" who wanders around the grounds of Manderley. He seems afraid of Rebecca and claims that she wants to lock him away.

This is the first clue that Rebecca is not the saint we and the narrator have been led to believe. The next is a reaction from estate manager and family friend, Frank Crawley after the narrator confesses that she's afraid that Maxim doesn't really love her (anymore). Frank seems to be warry of the memory of Rebecca - almost like he had a bad experience or two with the women. Plus there's this creep, Jack Favell, coming into the house when he's been told to stay away.

Spoilers

Maxim hated Rebecca, but couldn't divorce her for a variety of upper class 1930s English reasons. She slept around, did (unspecified) terrible things, and may have been bisexual (it is also not specified). Her death might have freed him from her physically, but not emotionally.

Maxim may be portrayed (and often interpreted) as a classic upholder of traditional upper class patriarchy, but he's also someone who has clearly been emotionally, if not verbally abused for years. I feel a lot of people overlook this fact because "patriarchy" and "he gets away with [spoilers]". I feel that his quick romance with the narrator is a bit of a read flag, but the narrator is so nonthreatening that Maxim might have felt safe for the first time in decades. 

Patriarchy...

Rebecca is often interpreted as the antithesis to Maxim's traditional patriarchy. She's bold, outspoken, sexually liberated, possibly queer (we only have that one declaration from Mrs. Danvers that doesn't verify anything), and knows what she wants out of life. This isn't a bad or wrong interpretation, but I do think it minimizes the horrible things she did (and is implied to have done) to Maxim and some of his friends (like Frank, Beatrice, and Giles).

Daphne du Maurier once admitted that she is bisexual - long after she published "Rebecca" - and that admission seemed to have made Rebecca the character look more sympathetic to the casual reader. 

However, I don't think Rebecca is a feminist character or a foil for the patriarch. She's an interesting character and seems to defy the patriarchy, but also feels comfortable moving within and weaponizing it against other characters - especially Maxim. There's a moment during Maxim's confession where divorce is brought up and Rebecca (according to Maxim) tells him that it would be far too scandalous for him to divorce her after four days of marriage; such a thing would ruin him (but weirdly not her).

Also her implied treatment of Ben (as suggested by Ben) should really put a stop to people's rosy analysis of Rebecca.

Queerness...

Is "Rebecca" a queer novel?

Yes in the sense that at least three characters might be queer. The first two characters are obviously Rebecca and Mrs. Danvers. Though never explicitly stated that the two are queer (Rebecca would be bi and Mrs. Danvers a likely lesbian), Mrs. Danvers at one point does declare that Rebecca never loved a man. This could be interpreted a few ways such as Mrs. Danvers being so in love with Rebecca that she is in denial about her many affairs with men (including her cousin Jack) or that Rebecca was such a narcissist that she only loved herself. Either way, Rebecca is likely bisexual like du Maurier and Mrs. Danvers only has eyes for her.

The third possible queer character is Frank Crawley. I haven't seen Frank come up as much in the queer discourse about the book - some people seem to think he should have paired up with the narrator. However, I'd like to make an argument that Frank is in love with Maxim.

1. Frank is a bachelor and implied to be a similar age to Maxim - being a bachelor isn't a sign of being queer in the early 1900s, but it is a hint. 

2. Frank seems to already know the big bad thing Maxim did and is perfectly happy to help cover it up as best he can - I know his job is on the line, but his actions are a little more over the top than an employee-employer implies.

3. Frank is completely devoted to Maxim in a healthier way than Mrs. Danvers was to Rebecca. He maintains healthy boundaries with Maxim and the narrator. When he is with the narrator, I get nothing less than platonic vibes (such great evidence I know) from him.

4. Frank is completely repulsed by the memory of Rebecca. There's a conversation between the narrator and Frank where he all but confesses that Rebecca made a pass at him and Giles (who is Beatrice's husband and brother-in-law to Maxim). Giles either enjoyed it or was very confused by the encounter (it's not really made clear in the text), but Frank implies he nearly jumped out of his skin. Based on what we're told about Rebecca and her conquests, she wasn't used to being rejected by anyone. This was the moment I started questioning if Frank was gay.

And that is why I think there are actually three queer characters running around the pages of "Rebecca". Rebecca is the "bad" queer representation, while Frank is the "good" queer representation. Mrs. Danvers is the queer representation that should have been "good", but ended up getting beaten down by the powers that be and had a break from reality. 

However in the movie, since Mrs. Danvers is implied to be a lesbian, she has to die in a house fire. Thanks Hayes Code. She is the only character "punished" for their actions during the course of the story.

That's also not the only change made between the 1940s movie and the book that's due to the Hayes Code interfering with the adaptation. There are a couple of other changes - one really big as to change the morality of the text - that happen. There's a great YouTube video about the adaptation if you're interested and are familiar with the book and/or movie.

Gothic Romance...

I love a good gothic aesthetic tale, but gothic romances are a toxic mix of red flags and tragedy. Though I did enjoy "Rebecca", I can't say that I was rooting for any of the characters other than Frank (he's a good guy). It was a bit more to my taste than "Bluebeard's Castle". I wouldn't call "Rebecca" a feminist book, but it is a critique on the patriarchy, class, gender, and social issues. "Rebecca" is a book full of queer subtext that can be overanalyzed to literary scholar's hearts content.

Do I recommend "Rebecca"? Yes, it's a good classic read. 

Wow, I spent like two hours getting all my thoughts out about this book. I hope this doesn't come back to haunt me...

Until next week. 

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off), please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me.

Autumn in France

For the record, I have never seen "Emily in Paris", nor do I want to. I know of it's existence and that many people find it hilariously inaccurate to the real experience of living in France - not to mention the stereotyping. My first trip to France certainly wasn't a reenactment of "Emily in Paris". My life might be an occasional comedy, but a romantic one, it ain't. 

This was my first trip to France. I went with a group of relatives and a friend. I took a ton of pictures, ate a lot of great food, and had a wonderful time seeing the sites (and shopping). I didn't drink any wine - my life has had to be alcohol free for almost a decade at this point and I don't miss it...much. I went to Paris and Bordeaux. 

Paris was filled with people - kind of like New York City. Paris occasionally smelled bad - kind of like New York City. Paris had a lot of cool things to do - kind of like New York City (you get the point). 

What makes Paris unique is it's history, architecture, and style. Often all three of these elements meet in the many churches, museums, and landmarks haphazardly scattered throughout the city. And though the Olympics had blown in over the summer, the only remains of the event were the interlocking rings children were climbing for pictures in front of the Eiffel Tower. 

Speaking of the Eiffel Tower, I don't think I've ever seen so many people taking selfies or with a professional photographer to get that perfect Parisian shot of the world's most famous tourist trap. Apparently, it's a big deal to hire people for those idealized Instagram shots to make you look like it's just you and an admittedly beautiful tower. You just have to navigate that sea of people and hope the well armed cops don't mess up your shoot.

Despite what the painters and photo filters might suggest, Paris wasn't all decked out in fall colors this October. Temperatures ranged from the 50s to 70s F (or 12 - 22 C for you non-Americans) and, though I did see some people bundled up, I was usually in a light jacket or simple long sleeves. The trees were mostly a shade of pale green to light orange and hardly any leaves were on the ground. It felt like early fall instead of the mid-season it should have been.

Many a French person commented that it was climate change to blame for the odd weather.

Halloween isn't really celebrated in France - at least not like how it is in the UK, let alone the US. There were a few decorations here and there in shop windows, but no one had their balconies done up. Pumpkin spice could only really be found in American chains like McDonalds and Starbucks. Speaking of Starbucks, their menu is so much more fun in France. They have a range of donuts that we don't have and I just barely missed out on the pumpkin spice flavor (it was already sold out).

Not that I was eating in American chains while in Paris (there was a stop at Starbucks in Bordeaux for a quick drink, but that was it).

Mostly, I ate in one of the many cafes that line the streets of Paris. The best (and cheapest) ones are typically further away from the main tourist attractions. Less people to watch, but a relaxing experience. And even if the food isn't great, you're still in Paris and it's better than eating back home - or so my family kept saying.

By the time we reached Bordeaux, I was craving a little something different and politely asked to try French Chinese food. Oh boy did we luck out with the cafe we found. I'd never tasted Mapo Tofu so fresh. It wasn't mouth tingling spicy like how we serve it in the US, but it had a lot of flavors. The dumplings were also wonderful and served with black vinegar instead of soy sauce.

Bordeaux could be much more easily be compared to Washington DC if DC had winding alleyways instead of large avenues. Bordeaux is a World Heritage Site City and has strict building codes to maintain its status. This means that many of the roads are made of cobble stone that are roughly the width of a single car, buildings aren't allowed to get much higher than Saint Andrew's Cathedral, and several old buildings that survived World War 1 and 2 have been converted into museums and art experiences. It is also home to the longest pedestrian shopping street in Europe - Rue Sainte-Catherine.

I found Bordeaux to be a little on the spooky side with it's winding alleys and dark cathedrals. St. Andre (or Andrew's in English) was very dark - only lit by candles and what remaining light slipped through the windows in the early evening. There were a few electric lights in one area for a late Mass, but the overall space was eerie. It probably didn't help that there was an organ concert going on while I was wandering around. 

Early morning fog rises from the river and blankets parts of the lower city - which is of course where the older sections are. It's an easy set up for a horror story about vampires or werewolves - maybe a cat person if the writer is feeling original. It's less crowded than Paris and the streets tend to clear out much earlier - with the exception of the houseless population and their dogs (I only ever say them keeping to themselves). There aren't a ton of street lights either. I think there should be more horror stories set in Bordeaux - with a romantic leaning of course (we're still in France). 

I was unable to see a lot of the city's green space since they had a fair going on in the main park near where I was staying, but when I left the city for a tour of the nearby vineyards (with wine I couldn't drink) it was clear that fall was just arriving to the region. Bordeaux is South of Paris - about 2 hours by the high speed train (can we please get some America) - and is close enough to the ocean that submarine factories existed on the river going through the city. 

Bordeaux is most famous for its Bordeaux wines. As the city and surrounding area are World Heritage Sites, the wine makers are under pressure to maintain the culture and practices that make the region famous. 

Unfortunately, climate change is throwing a wrench into the system. 

Yes, even wine is being threatened by what we humans have been doing to our planet. The heat that ripens grapes and makes them sweet, also make them more alcoholic. While that may not bother some people, it does change the composition of the wines being produced. This requires changes in harvesting, processing the grapes, and maintaining the health of the vineyard. For a region that's been making wine for over 2000 years, this is a lot of changes to juggle in a short amount of time.

Climate change is actually pretty well talked about in France. They openly acknowledge the changes and how its affecting everything from the weather to agriculture. A small comment on how warm the city is for October will sometimes lead a French-person to respond with "well, that's climate change". 

But the best spooky thing to do in France is to trek down into the Paris Catacombs. The were originally built because the city started falling into itself - a disturbing fun fact I was completely unaware of. The official city tour takes the curious well below the metro and sewers into an underground maze. Though the original purpose of the catacombs was to help stabilize the city, it quickly became clear that it was also a good place to store dead people. I say clear, but really I mean that one of the kings declared that cemeteries could no longer be within the city limits of Paris and dead people had to go somewhere, so into the stabilizing tunnels they went.

The audio guide tells visitors that there are millions of men, women, and children lying in rest under the city of Paris. Literally, the current citizens of the city are walking over the bones of their ancestors. This underworld even includes the French Revolutionaries that ended the monarchy. There are more dead bodies in this space than living above it.

And an underworld it is. The passage leading into one of the many viewing areas of Paris's dearly departed is etched with the famous phrase "Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here" in French. Past that entrance you'll find low ceilings, winding passageways, and human remains. 

What could be creepier?

Oh right, there's literally no barrier between you and those human bones.

Yeah, I was expecting the public area of the catacombs to have the actual human remains behind some kind of glass or plastic wall to prevent people from being able to touch them or accidently back into them - the bones line both sides of the walls and the passages are kind of narrow. They politely ask that you don't touch the bones, wear your backpack on your front, and have cameras everywhere. I still wonder how often someone accidently touches a dead person. 

At the end of the tour, the grand finale includes a brief description of a concert that took place in the catacombs in the late 1800s. I think it would have been pretty cool, until I remembered that they wouldn't have had electrical lights. Candle light, plus Mozart's Funeral March, plus dead bodies equals a nope situation for this adventurer. 

Autumn in France is very pretty. The food is excellent, the weather mild, and there's plenty of tourists around to people watch. I enjoyed my time back in Europe - it's been almost a decade since my last trip. Fall is a beautiful season to go. 

Until next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a message. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you like hearing from me.

Welcome to the Kid’s Made For TV Halloween

 I honestly can think of a better title.

When I was still in elementary school (nearly thirty years ago…shivers), I took an early October trip to Disney World. This was before Halloween had really taken off into the phenomenon at theme parks it is today and Disney World was focused on its 25th anniversary celebrations (yes, I saw the Pink Castle).

While on that trip, I first road the Tower of Terror…and didn’t like it. I was pretty young and it was before Disney had changed the ride to its modern (less intense) setting. I much preferred the spooky Haunted Mansion.

However, since it was close to Halloween, Disney played its first (made for TV) movie about one of its park ride, The Tower of Terror (1997), on one of their channels. It starred Steve Gutenberg (whom I knew from Three Men and a Baby) and a very young Kirsten Dunst. Did it scare me? Yes. Did I enjoy it? Much more than the ride. 

For a long time I thought the movie was a fever dream. It was rarely shown on TV and might have become part of childhood lore without the advent of the Internet. In the early Wild West days of YouTube, I found someone who uploaded the whole movie - in multiple ten minute parts. It was eventually taken down (like many of those early YouTube bootlegged movies) and I struggled to find a copy, even through Amazon, until I found a bare bones DVD at Target. I grabbed a copy.

Guys, this movie still hasn’t been added to Disney+. 

The Haunted Mansion has TWO theatrical movies! Why can’t we get a new Tower of Terror. The ride has as much of a cult following as Haunted Mansion.

I digress.  

The Tower of Terror isn't the only made for TV movie that shaped my childhood. It especially isn't the only Halloween themed made for TV movie that I anxiously hoped to see year after year. So today, I bring you a list of made for TV and direct to video/DVD movies that shaped younger years during the month of October. 

This list will not include long episodes of shows (sorry "House of Villains" fans) nor will I include anything I can't fully prove existed (I guess this means I have to leave off the "Are You Afraid of the Dark" TV movie I swear existed). All of these movies were made in the 1990s to early 2000s. These are in no particular order. 

1. The Tower of Terror - since I started this post with a rambling explanation on my early memories and quest to find this movie, I might as well mention it first. This movie is spooky with a few intense scenes (spoilers: the elevator falls at a couple of points in the plot). Though there isn't any reference to the TV show "The Twilight Zone" - which the ride supposedly lives in - it keeps a lot of the same plot points in the ride's story. Kids over the age of 7 or 8 should be okay to see it. Sadly, Disney has given this movie the "Disney House of Mouse" treatment and pretends it doesn't exist.
2. Halloweentown 1, 2, and High - Nothing says Halloween more to a 90s and 2000s kid than one of the Halloweentown movies. I'm particularly fond of the first two movies (maybe because I really liked Marnie and Luke as a couple). I'm including Halloweentown High because it's one of my sibling's favorites. I'm glad Debbie Reynolds was in these movies as she brings a bit of cozy class among all the fun camp. No Halloween is complete without watching at least one of the movies. We do not acknowledge Return to Halloweentown. 
3. Don't Look Under the Bed - Disney Channel Original Movies are going to pop up a lot on this list and this is one of the best in their horror category. Though not scary for adults, this movie was eventually pulled from the October rotation because of parents complaining about how the movie scared their kids. There are plenty of intense scenes, especially when Boogeyman/Boogey-person shows up. This movie is primarily about how forcing kids to grow up too fast is bad for their emotional development (it's not explicitly stated, but it is heavily implied) and that children shouldn't have to step into an adult role when they are clearly not ready for it. It was one of my favorites as a kid and I honestly thought it was lost media until Disney+ finally added it to its library. 
4. Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet the Wolfman - if ever there was a love letter to the Universal Wolfman movies, this is that movie - which might surprise some of you. Alvin, Simon, and Theodor are in a school production of "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde", but when Alvin is banded from all things spooky due to nightmares, Theodor steps up into the Mr. Hyde role. At first timid, Theodor's attitude changes overnight after getting bitten by a "dog". Alvin and Simon visit Madam Raya - an Elvira like character - who tell them to bop Theodor on the head with something silver to save him. Luckily, their next door name, Mr. Lawrence Talbot, has a cane with a silver wolf head that was originally a bullet that killed his great grandfather. Are you seeing where this plot is going? I still enjoy this movie and watch it every year (I have it on DVD). The songs are kind of catchy and there's plenty of fun chaos with only a couple of intense moments. This is a good introduction horror movie to little ones. 
5. Scooby Doo on Zombie Island/Scooby Doo and the Witch's Ghost - technically these are two separate movies, but I'm counting them together because they are part of the four movie series that kicked off the 2000s revamp of Scooby Doo. They are not long episodes. They are stand alone movies that share a universe. Zombie Island is a straight up horror movie. As the name implies there are zombies roaming an island. Many a parent thought they were putting on a fun Scooby Doo movie only to scar their kid for life with Zombie Island. Witch's Ghost isn't as scary as Zombie Island, but this movie is all about the fall. It takes place in a small New England town haunted by a witch who reminiscent of the Salem witch trials. This movie also introduced the Hex Girls - an eco goth band with witchy vibes. Witch's Ghost takes some liberties with witchcraft as a modern religious movement (um, no Wiccans are not a hereditary group and popped up in the early 1900s). I'd recommend these movies for older kids. 
6. Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire - part of me still finds it funny that Mr. Sheffield from "The Nanny" played a vampire trying to date Sabrina the Teenage Witch's Aunt Hilda in this 2000 Disney Channel Original Movie. When a divorced mother of three is set up by two of her children on a date with a mysterious man to get her out of the house (because she had rightfully grounded them), craziness ensues when the mysterious man turns out to be a vampire. Lizzie McGuire's dad...I mean...Malachi Van Helsing comes to help the kids save their mom. I haven't rewatched this one recently, but I do remember being very worried for the mom while she was in a trance. Also, seeing all these actors I was familiar with from other shows I enjoyed was a lot of fun. Good for a family movie night.
7. Twitches/Twitches Too - I can't leave two of my favorite witches off this list. Tia Mowry and Tamera Mowry star as two long lost twin sister and heirs to a magical kingdom, sent to the non-magical Earth (our world) to be kept safe until they are unexpectedly reunited around their 21st birthday. Together they learn of their magical and royal roots while working to fulfil a prophecy that might turn deadly. It's a fun fantasy story that is light on the scares, but qualifies as a part of the Halloween lineup. Alex/Artemis was my favorite growing up because of her awesome writing powers and her association with the moon and all things nighttime. This movie is particularly good for your more feminine leaning kids. 
8. The Scream Team - apparently this movie was supposed to be a backdoor pilot to a TV show that was never picked up, which means I can include it on this list. Scream Team has a great cast including Kat Dennings, Eric Idle, Tommy Davidson, and the great Kathy Najimy. This movie is about death and accepting when a loved one leaves us unexpectedly. Idle, Davidson, and Najimy are ghosts helping two kids, who recently lost their grandfather, find their grandfather's ghost and get him to cross over to the next life - all while avoiding a fire welding angry ghost named Zachariah Smith. It's a heartwarming and fun take on a serious and sad subject. 10 out of 10, I recommend, though maybe for kids over the age of 7.
9. Phantom of the Megaplex - I love this Disney Channel Original Movie and was disappointed when Disney stopped showing it regularly in October. Not only is Micky Rooney a great addition to the cast, he brings a certain charisma and nostalgia for older movies that elevates the story from simply silly to meaningful. The movie roughly follows the plot of Phantom of the Opera (if you think of oldest brother, Pete, as the Christine of the story...that might be giving too much away). There's a phantom running around causing mayhem on the night of a major movie premiere. Siblings, Pete (who actually works at the Megaplex), Karen, and Brian are on the case to find out who the mysterious phantom is. Hopefully they can dodge the cinema sitter, love rivals, and actual responsibility to catch the phantom in the act. It's just a shame that Pete's manager is MIA for most of the night after "firing" the previous theater's owner, Movie Mason (he didn't actually work at the Megaplex, but "volunteered" to help with the premiere preparations). This movie is all about the love of classic cinema and how movies themselves are magic. One of my all time favorite lines comes from Movie Mason: "When we arrive in this world, magic is all around us. You simply have to see a baby discover a butterfly or a toddler splash in the bath for the first time. Yet, as the years pass, simple pleasures aren't quite so simple to find. Myths and legends fall away. Santa's secrets are revealed. Card tricks lose their fascination. True wonder is hard to come by. But there's always... magic at the movies". It's sweet and not really that scary. Good for kids all ages. 
10. It - Yes, I'm talking about the 1990 Steven King TV miniseries. Yes, I'm counting it. There wasn't a kid in the 90s or 2000s how didn't know someone who saw this movie way too young and swore it was the scariest thing they had ever seen. It was a staple of Halloween sleepovers and caused a generation of kids to be wary of clowns. But let's be real, the 1990 It isn't scary. The 2017 and 2019 movies are much, much better. The 1990 version is campy and funny. Not that I recommend showing a ten year old this movie (because that's how it's now advertised as). However, this made for TV movie was a staple of my childhood - not that I wanted my parents to know I'd seen it. I also didn't find it scary as a kid (probably because my first actual horror movie - which I was also way too young to watch - was Arachnophobia, which set the bar high for spider horror). I do think that it's a good intro horror movie for the more mature preteens to Steven King. Plus it has Tim Curry in it and he was a major part of any 90s kid's childhood.

Are there any made for TV movies you remember for the Halloween season? I have some vague memories of TV movies on ABC Family that I swear existed (like the "Are You Afraid of the Dark" movie), but can't remember the names or plots of - just that they were scary. Are there some modern TV/direct to streaming movies that you enjoy during the Halloween season? My sibling loves Under Wraps (2021). Let me know in the comments. 

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me.

Until next week. 

Welcome to Non-Horror Fall Movies

 Happy October everyone!

Spooky season is in full swing (even if it unofficially started in August - sigh). I've started compiling my horror movies and Halloween decorations. I'm buying all things pumpkin spice and everything nice. And I just saw Clue at the Kennedy Center.

Wait that last one doesn't scream October movie. It's not scary. It's funny...even with all the murder and mayhem. 

Clue isn't a Halloween movie (or in my case a fun play), but it's aerosphere is full of horror cliches without the scares. A group of people are having a party in a big spooky mansion, a thunderstorm is raging outside, murderer (or seven) are on the loose, and there are secret passages galore. The mansion looks is decorated and lit in a way that invokes warm oranges and dark velvet greens that are associated with a fall color palate. 

The Clue play is very similar to the movie - with about 200% camp and physical comedy. Mr. Green totally steals the show, but Wadsworth and Miss. Scarlett get some great zingers in there too. I also loved their interpretations of Colonel Mustard, with his ability to mix up words, and Mrs. Peacock's "old woman" act. Professor Plum, Mrs. White, Evette, and the Cook are also great performances. Each are given their iconic scenes to reenact. The motorist and the cop, though briefly on stage, have great presence. And the singing telegram girl is perfectly hilarious (her body keeps moving every time the front doors open - I swear this is not a spoiler).

It is also similar to the movie in that it's time at the Kennedy Center was at the start of the Fall season - similar to it's TV run in the 1990s and early 2000s. Many of us 90s kids first saw the movie version of Clue either while flipping between channels in late September or as a rental during a back-to-school sleepover. Seeing Clue on TV meant that school was back in session and Halloween was just around the corner.

Much like Clue, there are several other movies that may not intuitively be seen as part of the Fall season. Either they were often on TV during the month of September or their atmosphere is like a warm apple cider on a crips day. So, here are some of my non-horror fall movies to get a bit cozy with.

1. Clue - I already wrote a bit about this movie and the new play. Clue is such a nostalgia cult classic with a subtle fall feel. 10 out of 10, would recommend.
2. The Princess Bride - for the cult classic romantics out there, the Princess Bride is the perfect movie. For those of us who spent a lot of time watching ABC Family in the 90s and 2000s, the Princess Bride was often shown on a lazy Sunday afternoon. It was one of the first movies my generation learned all the lines too.
3. Matilda - a perfect back-to-school movie for my elementary school self, this movie actually scared me quite a bit as a kid. However, it was guaranteed to be on TV multiple times on multiple weekends during the start of a new school year. I find myself reaching for Matilda right after Labor Day every year, since I don't go to school anymore myself.
4. Jumanji - I'm talking about the 90s version, not the 2010s one. The original Jumanji is full of the same fall atmosphere as Clue, but likely actually takes place in the summer/fall transition period. The style is very 90s Fall fashion and it also was shown quite a bit in September. But this isn't the only Robin Williams entry.
5. Hook - I'll admit that Hook actually takes place in the winter time while everyone is in London. However, much like the previously mentioned movies, this was on all the time in September in the 90s and 2000s. As soon as September hits, I start thinking about Peter and Wendy growing up into adults. I also never fail to cry when Peter starts talking about when he ran away as a baby (not sure why they chose to have him run away as a baby, but it's sad). Hook is one of my favorite fall movies about never growing up and believing in yourself.
6. Dead Poet's Society - one of the few "mature" films on this list, I saw Dead Poet's Society in my 20s. The atmosphere is 100% back-to-school fall. This is another with Robin Williams, but this time its a much more serious role. "Oh captain, my captain" I will never forget this movie during the Fall season.
7. Labyrinth - don't be surprised by this entry, I love Labyrinth. I've always thought of this movie as a coming of age story for a girl trying to navigate the pressures of being a teenager in a world that hates teen girls. You've got a labyrinth built like a maze (a true labyrinth only has one path that takes you to its center and then leads you back out) symbolizing the confusing emotions and feelings teen girls are feeling. You've got the pressure to complete tasks you probably shouldn't be responsible for (saving her brother could symbolize parentification, and creepy old guys creeping on you (hello Jareth). There's a lot to love about this movie and it just looks like fall. From the orange and brown Labyrinth walls, to the Bog of Eternal stench set, and even the puppets this movie looks like something a farm with a corn maze might have.
8. Practical Magic - this is not a horror movie, but it is one about witches, ghosts, and sisterhood (it also takes place in March, but who cares). I love Practical Magic during the October season. It's all about how to be a witch without any of the (extreme) terror. There's even a bit of romance. 
9. Knives Out - this movie's aesthetic is all about fall. The leaves are on the ground, everyone is in sweaters, and hot drinks have been poured. Also there's a mystery afoot. This one isn't a product of nostalgia (at least not right now it isn't). Knives Out is a fall movie minus the Halloween horrors.
10. The Fantastic Mr. Fox - technically this could be considered a Thanksgiving movie (they do have a Thanksgiving dinner at one point), but this movie just looks and feels like fall. The color palate is reds, oranges, and warm yellows with leaves on the ground and the young foxes are in school. This movie is all about the Fall. 

So these are some movies that I consider fall classics without the horror elements (Practical Magic has some, but not enough to qualify as a horror movie). So if you're not a horror fan, check out these movies during the spooky season. They'll put you in the mood for cozy sweaters, apple cider, and pumpkin spice with everything nice tasting.

Let me know your favorite Fall movie in the comments. I know I missed a few. Until the next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me.

Welcome to Social Anxiety Horror

September has rolled in and hasn’t decided which season it should be yet. This means pre-spooky season is in fully swing. Halloween candy lines grocery store shelves, the craft stores have fake pumpkins galore, and pumpkin spice nonsense as far as the eye can see.

Naturally, I’ve already started hearing buzz around horror movies.

Yesterday, at art club, we all had an in-depth discussion around which horror movies we prefer, which we find comforting, and which we won’t touch with a ten foot pole. Naturally, the recently released Speak No Evil, came up. If you’ve managed to escape the trailers for this one, let me briefly explain the premise: an American family meets an English family on vacation, the English family invites them to their house in the middle of nowhere, and procede to be as creepy as possible. It’s technically a remake of a Dutch movie by the same name or also known as The Guests (likely made because Hollywood thinks Americans are allergic to subtitles) with a few changes.

It’s also an example of the subgenre social anxiety horror (a subgenre so rare that it doesn’t seem to have a TV Tropes page).

Normally, I’d have ascribed this movie as just a psychological horror, but there a few elements that push it into the lesser recognized social horror subgenre. TV Tropes defines psychological horror as “subgenre of horror that aims at creating horrific, paranoiac, suspenseful, or unsettling effects through in-depth use of mental and emotional states or psychological conditions.” From what I’ve come to understand, social anxiety horror differs in the use of social norms to drive the building tension. 

I was first introduced to this subgenre by the YouTube video essayist Super Eyepatch Wolf. His hour and twenty minute video covers several examples of social anxiety horror including literature (Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery”), movies (The Guests which I am using instead of the other name to differentiate), and real life social experiments preformed on actual people. As I mulled over the concepts brought to my attention in the video, I came to realize that social anxiety horror is one I am easily disturbed by.

Just because I enjoy horror and have published multiple short stories and poems in the genre doesn’t mean that I love every aspect of it. My preference for horror typically contains some element of supernatural, cosmic, fantasy, or science fiction in it. This is so I have a buffer between what I’m enjoying through media and the possibility of something happening in my real life. I’ve never seen an extra terrestrial (doesn’t mean they don’t exist), but I have had a stalker. 

The closer the horror is to a possible experience, the less likely I am to enjoy it. I recently wrote a blog post about my thoughts on Anna Biller’s gothic romance/horror (horror is the section I found it in at Barnes & Noble) “Bluebeard’s Castle”. I found the book difficult to read at times (spoilers: not just because a cat dies) because I found my anxiety was being triggered. The main villain of the story uses psychology and social norms to manipulate the protagonist, which set off my flight responses. Putting the book down and walking away for a few days was the only way I could finish the book. 

The same response also happened to me for the horror novels “Such a Pretty Smile” by Kristi DeMeester and “A History of Fear” by Lucas Dumas (I made a post about this one). Though those novels contain an element of the supernatural, they also play on social anxiety fears. I could handle the dog creatures and flying devils. I couldn’t handle the homophobia and creepy situations with (fictional) people who were more or less real.

And that’s probably because I realize how easy it is to fall into a bad situation through the manipulation of social norms (see previously alluded to stalker). I’ve been in situations with other people that started out as seemingly normal and then escalated to terrifying. 

Thankfully, I’ve never been physically hurt in these situations, but they have taken a mental toll. It’s likely one of the many reasons I hate dating so much. I feel a lot more comfortable in a group social setting than going off with a person I just met for a one-on-one.

So let me know what you think of social anxiety horror? Should it have a TV Tropes page? What movies, shows, books, stories, or games do you think fit as examples of the subgenre? Did you go see “Speak No Evil” or watched the original “The Guests”? Let me know in the comments.

In you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y’all like hearing from me. 

Until the next week.

Welcome to a Wild World with Mushrooms

Guys, mushrooms are weird.

But, like, weird in a cool way.

Mushrooms are neither plant nor animal. They belong to a different living organism kingdom known as fungi (like that gross itchy thing growing on athlete's feet). Some are small, like the tiny Mycena subcyanocephala, while some are really freaking big, like the world's largest living organism Armillaria ostoyae. Yes, you read that right. The world's largest organism is a mushroom in Oregon. You can insert a joke about Oregonians and their recreational activities here. 

Some mushrooms are edible and some are happy to eat you...after you die that is. Some are used by trees as a network for communication known as a "woodwide web" (a pun I can't take credit for, but am happy to use. There are even some mushrooms that apparently eat plastic. 

With such a wide variety of mushroom species with unique looks, uses, flavors, and hallucinogenic properties, I think it's safe to say that mushrooms are really cool and really weird.

Growing up, I was never a big mushroom fan. I thought they looked like aliens and had a slimy texture (like what I thought aliens might taste like). I would often turn my nose up at dishes that blatantly had mushrooms in them. 

That was, until I went to Japan at 11 and was told that I would have to get used to eating them (or as the rule went: two bites before I could say "no thank you"). This is when I learned to love enoki mushrooms. At first I thought they were noodles and enjoyed the way they'd get stuck in my teeth. I quickly learned otherwise and would ask for them all the time - alone with the more well known shitake mushrooms.

However, it still took a while for me to really enjoy the culinary options that came with mushrooms. This was mainly due to the fact that I can't stand portabella mushrooms and they were everywhere (along with the button variety which I find marginally more appealing). 

That is until I started going to farmer's markets with people who cultivated mushrooms. Suddenly, I had my whole world opened to new mushroom flavors. My current favorites are king oyster and maitake (otherwise known as hen-of-the-woods). Both have distinct flavors that require different cooking styles. King oyster can be used as a substitute for a lot of seafood, but especially scallops. Maitake have a stronger flavor that I prefer to roast in the oven. 

Also fun fact about oyster mushrooms: they might not be strictly vegan or vegetarian friendly as they will consume live worms while growing. This is similar to the grey area that figs (require the death of a wasp to grow) and honey (no bees die from the production or cultivation of honey if done properly) fall into.

But those are just a few of the many culinary mushrooms humans are able to eat. 

However, there are even more mushrooms that will instead cause agonizing death and a few look like the yummy kind of mushroom. 

You know those red and white mushroom's Mario and Luigi use to upgrade their bodies? They're deadly in real life. 

Since the 2020 pandemic, mushroom foraging has become a popular hobby. This is good for getting people outside and looking for their own food. This is bad because people are over picking mushrooms that are needed in the environment. Nature is a delicate balance...one that humans are constantly messing up in the modern era. Also, with the onset of AI book writing, there are a number of badly written mushroom foraging guides for sale on Amazon that have (at best) misleading information and (at worst) seriously bad you, will die if you eat that information. Be wary of AI written work in general, but this is just criminally bad.

There are also the getting high kind of mushrooms that will take you on a hallucinogenic trip...or might be useful for therapy for people suffering from severe PTSD and depression under the right circumstances (and government approval). I first learned more about this in a Netflix 2019 documentary called Fantastic Fungi, which was truly fascinating. It was also where I learned that if you're going to do mushrooms, maybe don't be in the woods while a thunderstorm is going on - you might climb a tree. 

Most recently, mushrooms have been popping up more and more in the horror genre. From the video game, turned TV adaptation The Last of Us to the seriously creepy novel "Mexican Gothic". Mushrooms are everywhere (literally and figuratively) and since we don't know a whole lot about every single species, they make for a great horror story. Especially since there exists and actual mushroom known as the Ophiocordyceps unilateralis that turns ants into zombies.

You're welcome for that fun fact.

Well, I'm off to make my dinner of roasted mushrooms. Hopefully, you still have an appetite. What are some of your favorite mushrooms - either to eat or stair at, doesn't matter. Until next week. 

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me.

Welcome to a Character Tragedy

Have you ever read a book and wanted to smack the main character upside the head?

I have - very recently in fact. It was tough to get through some parts of the book, but I persisted (mostly out of a sense of completion pride). I’m glad I did because, though I found the main character frustrating, I was interested to see how her story would end.

I’m not going to spoil the book for you guys (though I doubt most of you will read it). I picked it up because I liked some of the other author’s work - as eccentric as it is - and the cover art was very 1970s pulp. It was in the horror section and claimed to be a gothic tale - one of my favorite sub-genres. It was advertised as a feminist retelling of a grisly fairy tale.

The book : Bluebeard’s Castle.

The author: Anna Biller.

My first introduction to Anna Biller was a YouTuber’s review of her movie “The Love Witch”. It’s a movie I greatly enjoy for its aesthetic. The plot is also interesting as it focuses on a witch looking for her ideal man. There’s some magic and murder and tons of camp. I recommend it for people who like campy movies and a healthy dose of 1970s influence. Sadly they couldn’t edit out all the modern cars.

Bluebeard’s Castle is still very clearly an Anna Biller creation, and the camp is still there. The difference are the characters. Judith is not Elaine and Gavin is definitely not Griff. Actually, Gavin doesn’t feel like a character for most of the book. He’s more of a paper thin dreamy wish fulfillment that suddenly turns into a nightmare.

It’s very clear early on that Judith is easy to manipulate when given the opportunity to live out a fantasy. She rejects the more interesting and complex (actually developed) character of Tony early on because he is too safe and boring. Honestly, Tony is the best character in this book, aside from the cats.

Gavin love bombs Judith into running away with him to Paris. They then get married in about a month and buy a castle together. Oh, and did I mention that Judith writes gothic historical romance fiction? I’d almost call her a self insert for Biller except that I’ve seen her interviews and she’s a lovely person. 

Judith is insufferable and frustrating. She claims to be a feminist - and on surface level she kind of is - but it’s a white woman’s feminism. She still gets jealous and takes it out on the wrong people. She thinks that her problems can be solved by loving a (really quite terrible) man enough. She refuses to listen to people who actually care about her well-being (see my note about Tony). The woman needs therapy and doesn’t consider it once in the whole story. There are so many mommy issues.

I could go through all her faults (oh my god the alcohol abuse), but that’s not the point of this post. I’m also probably making the book sound terrible with my descriptions. It’s not a bad book. Heck, I even liked it.

Not that I’m putting it in my top ten anytime soon, but the book does suck you in and you hope for the best, even though you’ll know it’ll end for the worst.

I still don’t want to spoil the book for the (very) few of you interested in checking it out. However, near the end of the book we finally get a few points of view changes that add more context. One is from Gavin, and we do see that he is a real character, not a product of Judith’s imagination. The second is from an omnipotent narrator which wraps up the story in a neat little bow and drives home the message. Honestly, I think this book could have used more of this type of narration - not a lot - but enough to break up some of Judith’s inner thoughts. And boy does she have thoughts - chapters upon chapters of thoughts. Biller could have benefited from a few writer’s group critiques to tighten up the story.

The third and final point of view shift is to a character in one of Judith’s books. The character is in a similar situation to Judith and based off the fairytale Bluebeard. However, this character’s fate is different than Judith’s. It is the final wish of the tragic author after the last one turned out so wrong.

I may have just spoiled the ending…oh well.

Somewhere in the universe Judith exists in, there is a monkey paw that curled its finger anytime Judith truly wanted something. Maybe Biller is planning on having some of these characters show up again and she’ll do a retelling of The Monkey’s Paw. 

Did I enjoy the book? Not really. Am I satisfied with its ending? Yes. Do I recommend it? Maybe…I’m not really sure.

I still really like “The Love Witch”, but Bluebeard’s Castle is an entirely different story. Elaine would have had her fun with Gavin. Griff would have been too boring for Judith.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please, like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y’all like hearing from me.

Until next week.

Welcome to Love Letter Events

This weekend marked the beginning of a big event. This event so big and monumental that it might bring people together to celebrate the past and potential future.

I am of course talking about the theatrical release of “Deadpool and Wolverine”…

…and the Paris Olympics.

Let me explain…or at least gush.

I’ve been in a funk the past little while and a doctor’s visit hasn’t helped much. So, Friday night, I got home from my evening walk and realized that the Paris Opening Ceremonies were going on. I missed maybe the first half hour (which is fine, I can look up what I missed). I thought the big performance was over and I could watch the barges (an experiment this year with mixed results) with the athletes make their way through Paris.

And then I saw the parkour Assassin’s Creed* cosplayer carrying the Olympic torch and realized that the performance was still going on throughout the parade of athletes. Lady Gaga then took stage right on the river and performed admirably as it started to rain. 

All of the performers did an amazing job. They weren’t able to do a full dress rehearsal on stage due to the secrecy around the performances, which is an amazing achievement, but then they turned it up by 1000x because it poured. And those performers didn’t bat an eye (well I’m assuming they didn’t), they kept it up and put on a great show dedicated to the history and culture of Paris.

The choreographer and director clearly wanted to write a love letter to Paris and France and they succeeded. 

My personal favorite was the transition from Les Mis to the screaming beheaded body of Marie Antoinette  which heralded the start of a heavy metal opera mashup that I was not expecting. It was fabulously camp with just a hint of tasteful gore.

I also really liked the love story section in the library that ends with an implied threesome. It just was nowhere near as amazing as an entire building with shrieking beheaded Marie Antoinettes. 

Surprisingly, the Paris Opening Ceremonies paired well with “Deadpool and Wolverine”as a double feature. (Technically, I watched them on two separate days, but it’s my life so I’m counting it.)

I’m going to do my best here to NOT spoil “Deadpool and Wolverine”, but I can’t help you if you read past this sentence.

You have been warned!

“Deadpool and Wolverine” is a love letter to the 20th Century Fox era of Marvel comic book hero movies. It accepts that that era of movies is over, but it goes out with a bang. It is a fans dream gift wrapped in references, cameos, and so many Deadpools.

Yes, there are other references. The Avengers get a shout out and there are some questions that are left unanswered (if you know, you know). Also, I loved the montage of Wade trying to find a certain someone for very noble reasons and messing it up.

Do you need knowledge about everything Marvel to understand the movie?

No.

But knowing that certain things that happened in other movies helps. The ending of “Logan” (2017) might be required background knowledge, but it’s not necessary. Wade in all of his Deadpool-ness knows that the audience may not have seen everything Marvel in the past 30 odd years (oh man…when did that movie come out?). He’s also aware that some people have, and read all the comics, and can quote every cartoon that popped up on Saturday morning, and all the video games…you get the picture. 

Wade is good at balancing the wink, wink nudge, nudge with the “I have no idea what’s going on”. He’s like the commentators at the Olympic Opening Ceremonies trying to explain everything we’re seeing. They might not know everything, but they know more than the average viewer and might also admit when they too are confused.

Is it a perfect movie?

No.

There were a couple of cameos I was hoping for that didn’t happen and there were a few things that were left open that I didn’t think needed to be. Plus not enough of Wade’s main team.

But it is a solid mood lifter and I’d watch Deadpool fight with Wolverine against the TVA any day (if you know, you know). I also liked that Deadpool and handle the ridiculous, mix it with the dramatic, and spit out God’s Perfect Idiot. 

Definitely stick around for the credits. You can tell that the film makers grew up with the 20th Century Fox movies and wanted to give them one final send off. It was a total throw back for me.

So go watch “Deadpool and Wolverine” if you want and check out the Paris Opening Ceremonies performances if you feel like it. I’m not going to tell you what to do.

But if you do watch both or one or the other, please let me know what you thought. Because…

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y’all like hearing from me.

Until next week.

*I don’t actually know if they were cosplaying Assassins Creed, that’s just what it looked like to me.

Welcome to Assateague Beach

There isn’t anything better than going to the beach on a sunny summer day. 

Unless you happen to be in the path of five galloping wild horses being herded away from beachgoers. Then you might feel time slow down while you debate the best way to get out of these beautiful yet massive animals’ way. My response was to freeze and hope the horses chose to not go into the waves.

Assateague Island is part of the National Parks as a National Seashore. It’s one of the barrier islands on the east coast of the United States - especially it runs from Ocean City, Maryland to Chincoteague, Virginia. The island is divided by the Maryland State Park, the Maryland side National Seashore, and the Virginia side National Seashore.

It is also most famous for its wild horses. 

About 300 horses live on the island. Most are allowed to roam freely (on the Maryland side), while the Virginia side horses, or ponies as they are sometimes called, are behind fences as they are “owned” by the Chincoteague fire department. Last year, in April, I went to both ends of the island for the first time and wrote a post (which you can view here).

This year, my sibling decided to come visit me and go on a bit of an adventure. We stayed at a historic and supposedly haunted hotel in Berlin, Maryland - “the coolest small town in America”. The movie “Runaway Bride” had been filmed there and we stayed in the room Richard Greer had stayed in (sadly 1999 Richard Greer was not included). Another movie, “Tuck Everlasting” had also been filmed near the town. There’s a mermaid museum in town that I would call quaint and the book store is run by a woman who used to be an undertaker…and wrote about her experience as one. Ocean City, Maryland (not to be confused with the far superior one in New Jersey), is about 20 minutes away. 

We did not see or experience any ghosts on the trip.

Unfortunately, it rained most of the trip. So we explored the town and enjoyed the different restaurants. Though today was nice and sunny (and I got a bit crispy). Which is why we ended up going to Assateague Beach. 

Sure, Ocean City is also close by, but if you want something a little nicer, so to Assateague.

Plus you have the horses. They are really cool. Just don’t get too close as they will bite, charge, and stomp on anyone who gets too close. I saw a lot more horses (and babies) this trip than back in April last year.

The beach is very nice and decently guarded. There’s a long sandbar, so the water doesn’t drop off too quickly. Surfing is allowed, but I’ve never tried it and the east coast just doesn’t seem like the place to surf. The horses hang around the parking lot, so you’ll need to dodge the horse poo, but the actual beaches are very clean of human and animal debris. You can even bring your dog.

It was foggy when we arrived at 9:30am. The tide was coming in and you could hardly see ten feet out. The water was cold, but refreshing once the sun broke through the haze. Other than the horses, I saw deer, different birds, a horseshoe crab, and a mermaid purse (which are shark, ray, or skate eggs - depending on the species).

My sibling and I would have been happy to spend all day on the beach, but sadly we did have to drive the three hours home. 

Oh and the horses did in fact turn away from where I was standing. They ran along the water edge until they were safely away from people. It was really cool, but a bit nerve wracking to see and experience.

I’m happy to recommend Assateague beach to anyone who wants a unique beach and wildlife experience. Just stay at least 40 feet away from the horses. They bite.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a message. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y’all like hearing from me.

Until next week.

Welcome to Two Grumpy Old Men

Please note: this blog post contains spoilers for the movie "Up" (2009). If you haven't seen the movie, go watch it. I bet you'll be crying within ten minutes.

Have y'all seen the movie "Grumpy Old Men" (1993)?

I did a long time ago with my parents. It was on TV, though I think we did have it on VHS (if you know what that is, you know what that is). I thought the name was funny and I remember enjoying it. I think it was the first movie I saw with Jack Lemon in it (I love him in "Some Like It Hot").

Grumpy old people bickering is a funny trope in movies and TV shows. It's usually between two people who have known each other way too long and know each other way too well. They're usually friends, though sometimes siblings or a married couple, or their relationship has descended into frenemies. It's comedy gold when well written.

I hope to some day have a person like that in my twilight years. 

Some notable works of media with grumpy old people arguing with each other include "The Princess Bride" (Miracle Max and his wife), "Mary Poppins" (the bankers), Disc World Books featuring Granny Weatherwax and her gaggle of companions, and, of course, Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets.

Maybe Sesame Street will one day do an episode where they show Bert and Ernie as grumpy old people...or Zoe and Elmo. Honestly, I would pay to see a grumpy old Elmo arguing with an equally elderly Zoe about Rocco.\

On Thursday, I had the opportunity to watch two grumpy old guys on a big screen outside my apartment complex. 

No, these aren't the two grumpy old guys you're thinking of.

I'm talking about the movie "Up". 

My apartment complex was hosting a resident appreciation day, which included turning part of our parking lot into a mini campsite with theater space complete with popcorn machine and s'more makers. The movie they opted for, likely trying to stick with the theme and draw a larger audience, was "Up".

And "Up" has some amazing characters from Russel and Doug to Kevin and Alpha to, of course, Carl Frederickson (voiced by Ed Asner) and Charles Muntz (voiced by Christopher Plummer - I think he had a lot of fun with his last decade of roles he chose). 

Carl Frederickson is the quint essential grumpy old man. One of my favorite scenes is when the house is flying through the air and Russel knocks on the door, begging to be let inside. Mr. Frederickson just says "no" and slams the door shut before opening it again and ushering Russel inside the flying house. I laugh every time and it is peak grumpy old man. 

Some might argue that Muntz isn't a grumpy old man, he's just a crazy old man. However, I'd argue that if I'd been stuck in an isolated location looking for a mythical "monster" with a bunch of talking dogs for decades, I'd be a bit grumpy along with the crazy. 

The ending showdown between Muntz and Mr. Frederickson is hilarious because of their physical comedy and snipping one liners. I'd almost feel bad for Muntz, except that he was a crazy murderous loner who was relentlessly hunting Kevin (who's a girl by the way). Mr. Frederickson saves the day and ensures that Russel gets his helping the elderly badge, gives Doug a loving home, and gets Kevin back to her babies. He also becomes just a little less grumpy.

"Up" is a family friendly grumpy old people movie and I love it.

Kevin might be my favorite character...

It's also a movie I can only watch every once in a while. I cry every time within the first ten minutes and then again when Mr. Frederickson find's Ellie's Adventure Book. I was also bawling my eyes out when the credits rolled - not because of a sad scene, but because I'd recently experienced a loss of a loved one. "Up" just hits me right in the feels. I love the story and it's one of the movies I watch (like "Coco") when I need an uplifting movie that will also make me cry (it's a rare combo, but the need does sometimes strike me).

It was certainly a better Thursday night watch than what was happening on CNN.

Have you guys seen "Up"? What movies do you guys like with grumpy old people bickering away? Are there any movies you guys love, but find hard to watch because they also make you feel feelings you might not have felt in a long time?

Let me know in the comments. 

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me.

Until next week.

Welcome to Everest 1996

It's the hottest week of the year in my area and I want to write about a place known for being inhospitable because of it's height and cold.

Why?

Well, it starts back a few months ago...on YouTube.

I've had a lot going on for the past nine months and things have only recently started to settle down - not by much, but started. When I'm in a melancholy mood, I often find myself listening to YouTube videos and documentaries (sometimes really old ones uploaded onto YouTube) about tragic events. For about a month, this included the 1996 Everest disaster.

If you are unfamiliar with the events that took place high on Mount Everest on the 10th and 11th of May, 1996, I've linked the Wiki page here. On the dates in question, multiple teams were racing to the top of the world's highest peak. Two of these teams were lead by experienced mountaineers Rob Hall and Scott Fischer. In total, eight people died trying to descend the mountain after a surprise weather event trapped the majority of the climbers in an area known as the "death zone". 

The "death zone" is an area on mountains taller than 8000 meters (26,000 ft) above sea level. At this altitude the pressure of oxygen in the atmosphere is too low to sustain human life. As soon as a person enters the "death zone", they are already starting to die and are on a limited time to leave the area before their body stops working entirely. Often climbers carry supplemental oxygen in tanks with them to mitigate the effects of oxygen deprivation. 

But if the oxygen tanks run out or there's an accident, no one is coming to help you down the mountain from the "death zone". 

Most climbers on Mount Everest who die, do so on the descent and within the "death zone". Some say that it's easy to reach the "ceiling of the world", it's getting back down that's no guaranteed. 

After dozens upon dozens of videos of the specific 1996 disaster I learned that one of the biggest sources of information was Jon Krakauer's Into Thin Air. It's a fairly well known nonfiction account of journalist and author Jon Krakauer's actual experience on Mount Everest during the disaster. Spoilers, he lives. 

Krakauer's account is very well known...and heavily criticized. 

My own takeaway reading Into Thin Air was that Krakauer was deeply traumatized by the events that took place, was struggling with a severe case of survivor's guilt, and was using the writing process as a way to process what he lived through. It's really well written, hard to put down, and incredibly interesting. I didn't feel that Krakauer was trying to villainize one person on the mountain, nor did I think he cast blame on anyone.

At least not in the book.

Apparently, Krakauer was a lot more vocal outside of his book and with his first publication in Outside Magazine right after the disaster occurred in his criticism of Anatoli Boukreev, a world famous Russian climber who was one of the guides on Scott Fischer's team. Krakauer was a client on Rob Hall's team. Both Hall and Fisher were in a bit of a competition with each other to get as many clients as possible on Everest's peak to showcase their amazing guiding services.

Boukreev is an extremely important part of the 1996 story. Without his courageous efforts (and there is no denying that what he did was courageous), more people would have likely died. On May 10th, Bougkreev climbed up and down Everest faster than anyone else. Though he was a guide, his understanding of his role was to ensure that clients had all the equipment necessary to summit and return by themselves. He was insistent that Scott Fischer approved of his plan and methods to return to Camp IV (the last camp and relatively safe haven before the race to the summit through the "death zone") before everyone else in case there was an emergency and he needed to return with more oxygen or provide rescue support.

Part his reasoning for not staying with clients is that he climbed without supplemental oxygen. He claimed that by acclimatizing himself and not using supplemental oxygen, he'd be able to better react if all oxygen supplies were completely used up. It's a controversial method and argument, and one that I don't have much of an opinion on as I am not knowledgeable enough on the subject.

Krakauer's (likely) misplaced anger towards Boukreev, inspired the Russian to cowrite his own take on what happened those fateful days in May. His account, The Climb: Tragic Ambitions on Everest and cowritten with G. Weston DeWalt, is a much more technical account of what happened. Boukreev and DeWalt provide insight into the mountain climbing sport and industry that Krakauer's account lacks. Though not as smoothly written, The Climb is a must read for anyone interested in the tragedy and mountaineering as a whole.

Sadly, Boukreev passed away while climbing another 8000 meter mountain, Annapurna, shortly after his book's release in 1997. Boukreev continues to be an icon of the mountaineering community and was awarded the David A. Sowles Memorial Award by the American Alpine Club for his role in rescuing climbers during the 1996 disaster. However, he is still a controversial figure for his role and some of the questions Krakauer raises are valid.

Naturally, I had to read both books.

But there was one more story I wanted to check out before I went on my book ordering spree. That was the miraculous story of Beck Weathers who, despite all odds, survived a night in the "death zone". 

Beck Weathers was thought dead multiple times on Mount Everest. He was an experienced climber who ran into some trouble with his eyesight, becoming blind in the high altitudes after having corrective eye surgery - something doctors didn't know would happen until his experience. He waited for Rob Hall to retrieve him on the descent, but Hall never came. Weathers had to be guided down the mountain when the storm struck. He along with several other climbers huddled in a group, trying to stay warm until either help arrived, the storm ended, or the sun rose. During the night, he started suffering hallucinations and ended up separating from the group. He doesn't remember falling unconscious, but evidently he did.

The miracle was that he woke up.

Having been left again, this time because others thought he was past the point of being saved, he staggered his way into Camp IV. He was placed in a tent and again left alone because everyone thought he would be dead soon. 

Weathers didn't die.

He was discovered to still be alive in Camp IV and carefully brought down to an area on the mountain known as the Western Cwm (Cwm, pronounced koom, is Welsh for valley) near Camp II. Here he, along with another climber, "Makalu" Gau Ming-Ho, were airlifted (it was the highest helicopter rescue at that point) to safety. He lost his hands, nose, and toes.

Left for Dead: My Journey Home from Everest is Weathers's account of his survival on Mount Everest, even when most people thought he was past the point of saving. The smartest thing Weathers did his book was to discuss the events of 1996 in the first forth. The rest of his book was dedicated to his background, how he got into mountain climbing, how his wife and friends helped save him, and his mental health and marriage problems. It's a very interesting look at a person's life and how it changed because of the disaster.

The 2015 movie "Everest" is primarily based on Weathers's account.

I couldn't not read what happened to Weathers. He defied the odds in multiple ways. I'm glad his story included his background, marriage issues, and struggles with mental health both before and after his trip to provide an insight into the clients who want to climb these tall mountains. It's not a book for everyone. It's more of a biography than a true account of what happened in 1996. 

If you haven't already concluded, I ordered all three books and read them in the same order presented above. Krakauer's Into Thin Air is the best written of the three (him being an award winning journalist probably helps). However, the story isn't complete with just his work. If you only have the option to read one, go with Krakauer's, but you'll miss a lot if you don't read Boukreev's.

Weathers wasn't the only other person on the mountain or who survived the the descent that day to write a book. Lene Gammelgaard (client for Scott Fischer), Lou Kasischke (client for Rob Hall), David Breashears (documentarian and climber on Mount Everest in 1996), Ed Viesturs (experienced climber on Mount Everest in 1996), and Michael Groom (guide for Rob Hall) all have books that discuss what happened in 1996.

There were multiple reasons why the events of the 10th and 11th of May were so deadly. The storm is the biggest factor. Without the storm, more people who have survived - full stop. However, some blame should be laid at the feet of Hall and Fischer. Both men were experienced climbers who should have followed their normally strict rules. For reasons only known to both, neither stuck to the turn around time of 1:00PM - the latest time anyone could summit without risking a more dangerous descent in the dark. Fischer was less experienced in the commercial guiding and seemed to have not provided enough instructions for his guides. Additionally, it was fairly clear that he was falling ill and, with everyone knowing he was an incredibly gifted and experienced climber, no one talked him into turning around.

We will never know the whys of the actions committed by Hall and Fischer. Both men tragically died in 1996. Fischer was the only member of his expedition to pass away. Four members of Hall's team died on the mountain. The other three fatalities were from an Indo-Tibetan Border Police team on the opposite side of the mountain.

In total, 12 people died on Everest in 1996. Most of the fatalities are mentioned in all three books. It is currently the third deadliest season of Mount Everest - the first two deadliest season were in 2014 and 2015.

I don't know why I became fixated on this one disaster. My blog post doesn't even scratch the surface of the events that occurred and the stories that are told. There's so much I don't understand and never will. I can watch every documentary, read every book, and listen to people analyze the events over and over and still I wouldn't be able to understand it all. Some things just aren't understandable.

Maybe it's because I just lived through a personal tragedy that I'm still trying to process.

Now, after reading all of this, you might be wondering if I would ever climb Mount Everest. The answer is a solid no. 

The odds just aren't in my favor to make that kind of a climb. It would take a lot more time, money, and energy than I have to even attempt. Additionally, I have little to no interest in seeing any more dead bodies, especially not ones frozen to a mountain that are used as landmarks. Everest is also very crowded and polluted, which is causing problems for the people who live closest to the mountain.

I don't plan on climbing any mountains higher than 8000 meters.

Though I am willing to try Kilimanjaro.

But what about you guys? Would you want to climb up to the highest peak of the world? Would you want to be higher than every other living being? Do you think you'd survive?

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Until next week.