Welcome to the Lessons of Cinderella

This week, while lurking around the Internet, I came across a news article about how Kristen Bell and Keira Knightly don't like certain fairy tales. More specifically, they don't like the message and, in Knightly's case, out right ban the Disney movies Snow White, Cinderella, and the Little Mermaid. They feel that these stories teach problematic lessons and can have a negative impact on their children. You can read one of the many news articles here.

I can understand some of their arguments.

There's no question in my mind that these stories have problematic tropes and themes. I'm not big on true love's first kiss breaking a spell, especially when it's to wake up a sleeping princess. That's just a little creepy. I'm also not big on how Ariel decides to give up everything for a guy and, in the Disney version, basically learns nothing from her misadventures. Giving up everything for some random guy that you've just met isn't a concept I understand.

Even some of Disney's more solid fairy tale classics, such as Beauty and the Beast and Lion King, aren't free from criticism. Beauty and the Beast has been accused of romanticizing Stockholm Syndrome (it doesn't) and highlights the problems of romance under duress (Belle is literally the captive of the Beast even though she runs off during the first night of her capture). It has been noted that The Lion King has a few issues with how the segregation between the hyenas and the lions is portrayed and then there's the whole "Divine Right of Kings" message that ends the movie.

Then there's Cinderella. This story in particular set Keira Knightly's teeth on edge. To quote Ms. Knightly during her interview with Ellen: "Cinderella, banned because she waits around for a rich guy to rescue her." She isn't alone in her feelings on Cinderella.

Cinderella has basically become the punching bag for everyone who wants to point out the flaws in Disney Princess movies. I often think of the line from the Cheetah Girl's song: "I don't want to be a Cinderella waiting in a dark cold dusty cellar, waiting for somebody to set me free." It basically sums up how a lot of critics perceive the story and character of Cinderella.

Despite the fact that I'm not this movie's biggest fan, I couldn't disagree with this assessment more.

At it's heart, Cinderella is the story about a young woman who is put in a terrible situation, where she is constantly emotionally and verbally abused, and despite all that is still a good person. The YouTube channel ScreenPrism put out an excellent video call "Cinderella: Stop Blaming the Victim" and it's a great explanation on why the criticism surrounding Cinderella is equally problematic. A lot of the points that I'll be covering in my blog post are coming from this video's analysis.

Cinderella is a hard working individual, she is kind to those who need it most (as shown by her relationship with many of the house's animal inhabitants), and very loyal to those she calls friends. In the Harry Potter universe she's a quintessential Hufflepuff.

Furthermore, her living situation is awful. She's basically been reduced to a servant in her own home and is abused by her only family. All Cinderella wants to do is go to a ball. She doesn't want to meet the prince. She certainly doesn't want to marry him. She wants a night off to party like any other teenage girl.

And what does her "family" do?

They mock her. They keep her so busy she can't work on her fixing dress, so the mice help Cinderella out because she's protected them from the nasty cat. Then, when Cinderella appears before her step mother and step sisters, ready for a fun night for the first time in her life, they rip her dress to shreds.

I take that back, they don't just rip her dress to shreds - they rip her dreams to shreds.

That's Cinderella's breaking point. It's the final crack that shatters Cinderella. Her family leaves her in a ruined dress and her fairy godmother arrives to save the day.

I'm not entirely sure why people expect Cinderella to be able to "save herself" in this type of situation. People who are in abusive situations often can't or won't leave for many reasons, the biggest one being that they don't know where to go if they leave.

Cinderella's fairy godmother could have been her kind next door neighbor who saw the whole incident and wanted to help the poor girl out, maybe let her know that there was someone there who would be there for her if she wanted to leave. Abusive people often isolate their victims, like what Cinderella's family does to her. The fairy godmother in the story is literally the person whom decided enough is enough, "I'm letting this poor girl know she has someone around who will get her to that ball".

We the audience don't know what really goes on between the prince and Cinderella during the ball. For the record, they probably were talking the whole time they were dancing. Back in that era that was how people go to know each other and it was perfectly appropriate to talk to your dance partner. You can see examples of this in most Jane Austin novels.

But let's skip the ball. Let's also skip the part where it's the archduke and not the prince who goes looking for Cinderella (I think Disney was just looking for more comic relief there). These aren't really all that important in the grand scheme of the story.

Instead I want to focus on the last part of the original Disney animated movie, the part where Cinderella is locked in her attic room. Cinderella doesn't take her imprisonment lying down. In fact, I would guess that since she's finally tasted freedom and realizes that someone out there cares about her, she's ready to fight tooth and nail to live that kind of life every day. Cinderella claws at the locked door. When that doesn't work, she asks her mice friends for help and again they gladly help her. Finally, when the evil cat has the mice cornered, Cinderella calls on the dog, whom she's told repeatedly not to chase the cat as he might be kicked out of the house, to chase that stupid evil cat.

Cinderella does save herself, but it's not in the way our society wants her to.

Our society and culture wants people who are strong and unafraid of calling other people out. There's a heavy focus on the hero solving their problems for themselves instead of asking for help or using team work. We want action, harsh words, and a strong demeanor, not kindness and friendliness.

Cinderella is resourceful in how she relies on her friends, isn't afraid to ask for help, and takes an opportunity when she sees it. She knows that the archduke, and by extension the prince, is going to get her out of an abusive household that she otherwise hasn't figured out how to escape. She knows that by helping other people out of the goodness of her heart that they are just as likely to help her back.

So stop telling little girls that the story of Cinderella is bad or anti-feminist. It isn't. She doesn't wait around for a prince to come rescue her.

If you really want a feminist retelling of Cinderella that also stays true to heart of the story watch Ever After starring Drew Barrymore, read Ella Enchanted (not the movie version, though its a good update too), or pick up a copy of Nikita Gill's latest book Fierce Fairy Tales: Poems & Stories to Stir Your Soul. Gill has a collection of poems within this book that focus on Cinderella, her evil step mother, her misguided step sisters, and her fairy godmother. They are fantastic and an excellent retelling of the Cinderella story.

By disregarding the story of Cinderella, we are teaching their children that people who suffer from abusive relationships are weak and don't need help to save themselves. That's BS! Everyone needs help sometimes, especially the people who don't know how to escape their situation.

Cinderella teaches us how to empathize and recognize someone who is going through this type of abuse.

I think that's a pretty good lesson to teach someone, don't you?

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me.

Until next week...which will actually be two weeks as I am taking next week off. So see y'all in two weeks.

Welcome to the Darker Side of Things

Halloween is fast approaching! Have you guys picked out a costume yet?

Halloween has always held a special place in my heart. The decorations, the costumes, and the TV specials were always fun this time of year. I loved dressing up for Halloween (still do when I can). I always had to be either something dead or scary. One year, when I was dressed as a vampire, I scared my next door neighbor so bad that he refused to go trick or treating. I think he was barely one or two years old at the time.

Though I love most things about the season, I’m not a huge fan of haunted houses. Don’t get me wrong, the decorations and costumes are fantastic, but I can’t deal with the sensory overload that sometimes happens to me with the flashing lights and loud noises. Plus I really hate jump scares - they’re not actually scary, just startling.

It’s the Halloween aesthetic that I truest find beautiful. The leaves are changing colors, then falling to the ground. The air smells crisp and a little smoky at times. There’s an ever lingering reminder that with life eventually comes death.

I love it.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while now, you’d have notice that I really like witches and the Gothic aesthetic. I’m a big sucker for movies like Sleepy Hallow and Bram Stoker’s Dracula (even with the silly accents and over sexual tones). I read the short stories of Edgar Allen Poe and H. P. Lovecraft over and over again.

Death is the overarching theme of the season with some villainy and chaos on the side. I think there’s a reason the Sanderson sisters are so fondly remembered even though they are planning on murdering children in the movie Hocus Pocus. They’re everything fun and evil about the season. They’re threatening, but not too threatening.

For a while now, I’ve been working on creating a collection of poems that I feel fit into the Gothic style. I’ve written about 30 poems so far and, though I’m n where near close yet, I would like to try to get them published next year. I might even include some ink drawings.

A lot of these poems focus on death and what comes after. I take great joy in playing with expectations such as using limericks, tropically a playful or funny poem style, and use that format as though it were on a gravestone.

I’ve been told by a few people that my work can be delightfully demented.

Or maybe I was using that term to describe my sense of writing style. I don’t always like it when something is scary to be scary or depressing to be depressing. That isn’t how I am always able to work through my emotions. I often twist and bend these expressions to where it might take a bit to realize exactly what I’m writing about.

Death can be absurdly funny, like in the movies Scream, Scary Movie, and Final Destination. There’s a part of me that’s satisfied when the villain is killed off for good to triumph, like in Hocus Pocus or pretty much every Disney Villain ever.

There’s nothing wrong with being fascinated with the darker side of things. True crime stories and ghost hunting shows are still popular. There’s a mortician who hosts a YouTube channel and explains different things about her job (it’s called “Ask a Mortician”. People still visit sites of mass destruction, murder, and battlefields whether as reminders of the past or to satisfy a morbid need.

I’m not sure where my fascination with the darkness in life comes from. It could be that I need to have some kind of exposure to the worst side of nature so that I can appreciate the best.

It’s hard to know what to do with extreme negativity when you’re not regularly exposed to it. How do you empathize with an experience you’ve never lived through, but know that other people have? How is it possible to understand another person’s pain when you can’t comprehend where that pain came from?

Seeking out darkness isn’t bad. I find that it’s just another way for me to make peace with the experiences I’ve witness and lived through.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Until next week.

Welcome to the Witching Hour Part 8: The Power of the Witch

"Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?"

This quote comes from the movie The Witch: A New England Folk Tale when the devil, disguised as the goat Black Phillip, offers to make a pack with the eldest daughter, and only survivor to the end of the movie, Thomasin for her to become a witch.

Thomasin as the beginning of the movie (left) and when she becomes a witch at the end (right)

One would think selling her soul at the end of the movie would equal a bad ending for this movie, but I don't think it does. For most of the movie, Thomasin has been bullied, blamed for things beyond her control, and alienated from the rest of her family. Her brother begins to lust after her feminine form. Her father allows her to take the blame for a theft he committed. She is constantly facing her mother's wrath for things she couldn't control.

When Thomasin joins the witches, whom we've seen commit terrible crimes like murdering a baby, she's smiling and excited. It's the first time in the movie she looks truly happy instead of board, angry, or scared. It's as though Thomasin has found herself as a witch.

Thomasin gains freedom by becoming a witch. There are a few draw backs, like her soul is damned to hell and she has to murder babies in order to fly, but for the first time in her Puritan life she is allowed to make decisions for herself.

Maybe The Witch isn't the best example for this post, but it is a powerful scene. If you haven't seen the movie, I highly recommend it. It's a slow burn horror movie with minimum jump scares and a lot of psychological mind twists. It's on Netflix for the 2018 October season.

Witches are feared. They can curse you to fall ill, hex your farm so that you have a lousy crop, and maybe they'll even turn you into a newt (don't worry, you'll get better eventually). Witches have powers that aren't very well understood. You definitely don't want to anger a witch.

Witches have power.

They're often thought of as independent and self-sufficient, especially when they live far from the village. Witches can heal you with the right potion or poison your worst enemy - for a price. They're knowledgeable and wise.

People don't want to mess with a witch.

So is it any wonder that some people, especially those who don't feel powerful, might find the art of witchcraft appealing?

Modern witchcraft focuses a lot on finding harmony with the world and self-empowerment. It's not derived from the forces of evil or the devil. It's tapping into the natural energy that makes up the universe to do magick.

For women in particular, it's a type of empowerment that doesn't derive from a relationship to a man.

As progressive as the American culture appears to be, there are still a lot of carryovers from bygone eras. One particularly tough cultural paradigm that girls can't seem to shake is how much our society hates anything preteen and teenage girls love. Yeah, a lot of what they obsess over is stupid, but is it really worth the levels of hate the Internet has come up with. I've been a witness and occasional participant in the hate: "Twilight, the worst thing ever", "why does anyone like Justin Bieber", "Brittany Spears isn't even that good of a singer".

Society hates that preteen and teenage girls where clothes that aren't "appropriate", except that's all the stores offer. We hate that they wear makeup, even if grown women are pretty much expected to wear it all the time. We're constantly telling them they are a distraction to boys, despite the fact that boys should have self-control.

It's not like preteen and teenage boys don't have questionable taste in media or dress. Society just doesn't fixate on it quite as much.

Women and girls are still talked about being "someone's ______" when rape is discussed. They're blamed for being in a situation, instead of  supported. Most big budget movies (even if they aren't romance) still have a guy and a girl getting together at the end - the girl's personality and story line need not be included.

So is it any wonder that the idea of becoming a witch is appealing to girls in particular. That little boom in the 90s and (hopeful) resurgence now of powerful women as witches isn't coming from no-where. There's a hunger for powerful women roles that aren't connected to anyone else.

Shared by Chaos Witch on Facebook originally posted by penfairy.

"Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?"

Yeah, I kind of do. Having some illusion of power over my life would be nice. Feeling that I have everything together and knowing things will turn out alright would be great.

Because right now I'm angry, scared, anxious, depressed, confused, and hurt.

My interest in witchcraft originally stemmed from my interest in the unknown. It has since grown for many different reasons. I like a lot of the philosophy, learning about herbal remedies is interesting, and the connection with nature.

Feeling empowered is a nice bonus.

I'm not saying I'm a witch, that's still very much up for debate, and not everything in this series of posts applies to all witches (Wiccans and other witches might not agree with a lot of what I've written). I've been on a journey for spiritual enlightenment and tranquility for a while. This has been a stop on a very long journey that is still in progress.

And part of me still feels like a six year old child reading Harry Potter for the first time and hoping I get a letter to Hogwarts. Part of me still believes in fairy tales, magick, ghosts, and monsters that live under the bed. It's my way of dealing with the real world and everything it has to throw at me.

If you or anyone you know is interested in witchcraft, Wicca, or magick, I have a few books that I recommend checking out. I've already mentioned The Modern Guide to Witchcraft by Sky Alexander, but other books you might want to check out include:

• The Green Witch - You're Complete Guide to The Natural Magic of Herbs, Flowers, Essential Oils, and More by Arin Murphy-Hiscock
• Wiccapedia - A Modern-Day White Witch's Guide by Shawn Robbins and Leanna Greenaway
• Magical Herbalism - The Secret Craft of the Wise by Scott Cunningham

And for anyone who's interested in the less religious and spiritual side of witchcraft please check out: 

• Basic Witches - How to Summon Success, Banish Drama, and Raise Hell with your Coven by Jaya Saxena and Jess Zimmerman

Thank you for joining me on this series. I do hope to one day write a novel or novella (series?) involving modern witches, but until then I'll keep reading and researching everything I can find.

Until next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.