Welcome to Alone at the Holidays

This year will be a quiet year for me during the holidays. Normally I would be traveling to one of my many relatives’ homes for Christmas and/or New Years, but not this year. There won’t be any parties to attend, no Japanese New Years feasts, and certainly no surprise Christmas trips (I managed to get my mom to jump about a foot in the air when I surprised her last year).

It’ll be just me and my dad...and my cat.

This isn’t the first time I’ll be spending at least part of the holidays alone. I’ve woken up on Christmas morning without any presents to open - granted I flew a few hundred miles and opened presents a few days later - but I still felt a little depressed because there was no one with me. That year, I didn’t even bother putting up a tree.

But as I stated before, it wasn’t the first time celebrating a holiday all by myself. And I technically won’t be alone this year - unlike a lot of people who will be separated from their friends and family.

How celebrations have changed have been all over social media. This one guy posted about celebrating his first Christmas ever (he said he’s Muslim) and how his roommates were including him in every “mandatory” activity - I feel a little bad for this guy because his roommates seem positively Christmas crazy. While one of my friends posted about celebrating Kwanza. My friend mentioned feeling a little odd celebrating by herself, which I totally understand.

A few years ago, I began celebrating the witch/Wiccan sabbats (basically holidays). Since I wasn’t part of a coven and was a little self conscious about my practices, I didn’t have anyone to celebrate these holidays with. And these holidays are meant to be shared with friends with all the food I end up making.

I’m a solo witch. And a lot of people who I talked to regarding my shift in spiritual practices had a lot of misconceptions about my beliefs. (A side note: I’ve mentioned how I’m a Christian in previous blog posts. I’m still a Christian, but also a practicing witch. Believe it or not the two don’t have to conflict with each other. I am not a Wiccan, but there is some crossover with how witches practice.)

To understand how best to celebrate the witch/Wiccan holidays, I had to do a lot of research. Once I had more information than I knew what to do with, I began to figure out which parts of the celebrations made sense for me. There were a lot of little things I could do to celebrate like taking a walk in nature, baking or cooking food with herbs and spices symbolic of the season, and meditating.

I’m still adjusting my celebrating and practices. This year was the first time I made soul cakes for Samhain as an offering to the dead who were visiting and shared some with my dad (who absolutely loved them and was disappointed when I said I wouldn’t make more until the next year.). My dad sort of rolls his eyes at my witch practices, but he seems to like the food I make for the sabbats.

Tomorrow is Yule. 

I plan on building a fire in the fireplace. I’ll toss in some holly to burn up my woes from 2020 and burn bay leaves with wishes for 2021. I’ll have a feast of root veggies and heavy meat stew in honor of the food that’s readily available at this time of year. Hot wassail will warm my insides. Pine and Frankincense incense will purify my home. Green, white, and gold candles will be lit since it’s the longest night. Oranges will be stuck with cloves to welcome back the sun. And I might try to do some star gazing.

Oh and I’ll make cookies.

Each activity I plan to do has been researched and has meaning. A couple of things were borrowed from my Christian roots (the oranges and the cloves for example), but flow well with my intentions for the celebration. 

Because what matters most in how I practice witchcraft is the intension.  It’s a practice of mindfulness and living in harmony with nature.

I walked a little with my friend about how she plans on celebrating Kwanza. She plans on doing some research and doing a few of the holiday’s rituals. It might not be a lot, but she’s excited to explore this side of her heritage.

A lot of people will probably be celebrating a holiday or five alone this year. Some might be putting in all their free time into it and have a “magazine ready apartment” to post on Instagram. Others might be planning on marathoning Star Wars and that’s it.

However you plan on celebrating the last two weeks of the year, I hope it’s wonderful.

And if you have the opportunity, toss a sprig of holly into a roaring fire to burn the woes of 2020 away.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Until next week.

Welcome to Ghost Sightings

Ghosts are real. 

They exist at the edges of our minds to help us deal with the reality that one day we will die and no longer exist as we do right now. We might go our whole lives without ever seeing a ghost, but that doesn't mean we aren't followed by them.

I've never seen a ghost. I probably never will. But I know they're there to keep histories and memories alive for just a little longer.

About a month ago, I wrote a blog post about how ghost stories (at least the best ones) are rarely about the ghosts. You can read that blog post by clicking this link. 

That post primarily focuses on fictional stories and the ones that get passed down from generation to generation as a way to preserve culture or history. It wasn’t my first post on ghosts, nor was it the first time I brought up the fact that ghost stories are a good measure to discover what a culture values. This post will likely not be the last either.

Today I was feeling under the weather. Thankfully nothing COVID related (at least I haven’t heard of a crumbly stomach being associated with the virus). I ended up spending most of the morning under a pile of blankets with a cat curled up next to me and Unsolved Mysteries on in the background. I came back to full awareness when the episode playing was entirely in Japanese.

The episode in question was on the aftermath of the 3.11.2011 earthquake and tsunami. At first I was a bit confused as to why this was on Unsolved Mysteries as I hadn’t heard of anything unusual happening after the tragedy. Then ghosts were mentioned and things began to fall into place.

The episode wasn’t about a murder or disappearance that occurred in conjunction to the day, but about the trauma that happened to the people after over 15,000 were swept away by a wall of water. People began to see ghosts.

I don’t think this is all that unusual after such a horrific disaster. Though the episode does mention that ghost sightings are a rare occurrence in Japan after incidents of mass death (natural or man made), there is a cultural explanation for why this region of Japan had a high number of ghost sightings in the months and years after 3.11 (as the day has become known as).

Mass death isn’t normal. Sudden mass death is traumatic and leaves a gaping impression like a bullet hole.

The amount of death going on right now because of the pandemic feels so much worse. It's like a stab wound that hasn't closed properly and became infected. It'll likely leave a massive scar, if the wound ever heals.

I’ve been lucky. I haven’t seen the mobile morgues. My family has managed to avoid the worst of COVID. I’m still incredibly stressed by the situation.

We’ve seen how humans of the past dealt with pandemics and it was filled with images of death. The great plague that ravaged Asia and Europe in the Middle Ages left us with tons of paintings which featured dancing skeletons and iconography we still closely associate with death. The Dance of the Macabre is familiar enough to most modern people - even if they aren’t aware of its exact origin.

That particular disease really did look like something out of a zombie movie. COVID doesn’t have the tell tale disfiguration or gross puss filled boils like Bubonic or one of its similar plague buddies has. It’s not flashy and easily hidden away from the public eye. 

But the stress and trauma is all around us. I do wonder how our modern world will deal with it.

In the mid-2000s there was a huge uptick in paranormal investigative shows. I won’t deny that I enjoyed them back then. Although, now I much prefer seeing the story unfold rather than watch 40 of people wander around in the dark and then spend 10 minutes trying to tell me that there was a “ghost” on a recording. I like to think I’ve matured in taste since then, but it’s unlikely.

I’m not saying that the trauma of 9/11 was the reason for this sudden splash of TV shlock, but the timing is there. Kind of like how it wasn’t necessarily the counter culture of the 60s and 70s that led to the satanic panic of the 80s and 90s. 

But after traumatic events, we as humans seem to be drawn to what comes after life. Many times the trauma takes the form of ghosts.

I think there’s a reason Gettysburg is known for its battlefields and ghosts more than any other US city. The town and surrounding area was bombarded for three hot days in July. It’s the bloodiest battle to take place on US soil. And the town is filled with ghost stories about those three horrific days.

Will COVID correlate to another surge in live action ghost shows? Will we get more shows or movies like The Haunting of Hill House or Bly Manor? 

If anything, I do hope that the pandemic brings the end of the zombie. For years zombies were equated to disease and that we could fight our way out of it. Nothing remotely like the zombie apocalypse has happened. Please creative types, make zombies go away.

I’m still feeling a little queasy. The only other time I’ve felt like this and didn’t actually get sick was when I had a horribly stressful month at work while I was still new to my career. I couldn’t eat for a couple weeks. COVID has wrecked my nerves in a similar way - don’t know why this was the week for my body to freak out.

I have never seen a ghost - though I wouldn’t mind the experience. I think it’s important to understand that ghosts are very real. Whether or not seeing them is a response to trauma or a suggestion of the mind to rationalize the unknown or they are in fact real is up to you the individual. Right now my body is physically responding to the stress of the pandemic. Years from now, my mind might process the trauma differently.

And boy has my generation lived through a lot of traumatic events. 

If you enjoyed this post or it really (pissed you off), please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y’all like hearing from me.

Stay safe everyone.

Welcome to Mindful Writing

How easy is it to take out your phone or tablet, pull up your social media of choice, word vomit 250 characters (if there's a limit), hit enter, and then promptly regret whatever it was you wrote?

Thank goodness I'm not famous or a few thousand people would have screen shot me misspelling the word six.

Though I find that the ability to type on a keyboard is a skill unto itself, I don't find myself worrying all that much when writing on my phone or tablet. Heck I rely so much on autocorrect when I fat-finger a word that I don't always notice when it corrects to something ridiculous. 

If there wasn't a standardization for submitting fiction and poetry to different journals, I probably wouldn't even notice that there were font options. (Granted I use comic sans for my webcomic - but that's a joke unto itself.) 

I don't notice the individual letters on the screen I'm reading from, just the words. And the words are important, but someone had to create the template that the program pulls together the letter images to form those words.

Last Christmas, my sister and brother-in-law gave me a beautiful glass pen which requires ink from an inkwell to use and a calligraphy book. I've only recently started trying them out.

And I love it!

An example of my work... it's not perfect, but I'm getting there.

There is something so satisfying gracefully crafting each letter into existence. I have to think before and during each stroke I make. The calligraphy book I'm working in describes the act as drawing instead of writing. I'm inclined to agree.

This isn't my first time trying out calligraphy. I grew up seeing the beautiful work from Japanese and Chinese writers and artists in my relatives homes and in museums. In middle school, we had a calligraphy section in my art classes where I epically failed at trying to draw Japanese kanji (my Japanese cousins had fun pointing out how I kept poorly writing the days of the week).

Eventually my interests drifted elsewhere, but I held on to some of my art work from that period in my life (until I left home and then it was lost - most likely - to the trash bin). However, that didn't lessen my appreciation of the artform when I came across it.

I have a few friends who have absolutely beautiful handwriting. It's almost enviable. One of my friends sends me letters and I almost want to frame them because her penmanship is unbelievable. Another of my friends actively wrote with a pen and inkwell during writing critique sessions. Though his critiques could be a blow to my ego, they always looked amazing.

As someone who struggled with writing for a long time, I never thought of my handwriting as "pretty". I remember my aunt once saw my penmanship while I was working on my travel journal to Japan. She was appalled and had me practice each letter every day at the kitchen table. My 11 year old self spent 6 weeks in Japan and for 6 weeks my aunt made certain I'd be able to read that journal nearly twenty years later. 

(I still have that journal. That handwriting is still awful. I was obsessed with food. I can see the improvement over the weeks.)

I would argue that my current journey into calligraphy is more meditative than anything. Unlike when I write a letter to a friend or type up my latest blog post, I'm completely focused on each movement I make with the pen. Each stroke must be carefully made or the ink might stain or the letter might look deformed. I relax and block out the outside world.

I do something similar when doing yoga, shooting a gun (at a designated target range), or actually meditating (there I'm usually focused on breathing). My problems melt away and I am in the moment - enjoying the moment.

If you're struggling to find something new to do or want to develop mindfulness, why not try calligraphy. It will be tough at first, but don't worry about what your work looks like at the beginning. The beauty will come with time. What you might find (or at least I hope you do) is the peaceful feeling that comes when focused on one task while the rest of the world doesn't matter.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me.

Until next week...maybe.

Welcome to the Holiday Season with COVID

 Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away. Despite my stubborn vow to never travel during Thanksgiving after a disastrous incident with my flights in 2014, I often find myself scrambling to make travel arrangements for the winter holidays. 

I hate am not very fond of it.

Maybe I'll find some flying reindeer to help me out.

Don't get me wrong. I love traveling and have no problem getting on a plane, train, or bus any other time of year. It's just the period between mid-November and the first weekend in January that sets my teeth on edge. 

And if I am going to travel, I'm going to do my best to make sure its by car. I have a lot more freedom that way.

This year has really thrown a wrench in my usual holiday plans. COVID is no joke and there has been a serious uptick in cases in recent weeks. Though I understand that my risk of having complications - if I catch the disease - are minimal, that doesn't mean I don't worry. Especially because I do check in on people who could be devastated by COVID.

Though I have really wanted to, I haven't gotten on a plane since February (for a work trip) and I don't plan on getting on a plane any time soon (unless there's an unavoidable work trip). There are so many places (mainly Maine and Arizona to visit my cousins) that I have wanted to go to. I'm going crazy being stuck in Northern Virginia, even if there are a lot of things to do. I'm a wanderer. I need to wander.

Already airlines are starting to see an uptick in travel plans, though not nearly to the point they would be any other year. People have been away from home and their families for a long time. The time between Thanksgiving and New Years is a major family gathering time in the United States. There's even a Christmas Song dedicated to this annual migration ("Oh There's No Place Like Home For the Holidays").

If you can, stay home this year. Plan a small(er) celebration. Create some new traditions. Maybe have a celebration on Zoom or Skype. 

If you can't...please stay as safe as you can. Most hotels are doing a fantastic job social distancing and cleaning. Restaurants in my area are fanatical about cleanliness and mask wearing. 

And I'm not saying that you shouldn't visit or welcome family who want to see you. Two of my aunts just came down from Michigan to visit me and we had a lovely time. Before they came, they made sure they didn't have COVID and took a lot of precautions while driving down. They didn't fly.

Telling you guys not to travel would be hypocritical of me (especially since I've already mentioned that I was in a wedding about a month ago).

COVID is serious. The unrest in some major cities over the results of the election are serious. Your mental health and wellbeing are serious.

Any travel you plan, plan it carefully and safely. Wear masks, carry hand sanitizer, travel by car instead of plane or train, and pack lots of snacks. Your family will want to see you next year and the year after that too.

Happy Start of the Holidays everyone!

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me.

Until next week.

Welcome to a Dancing in the Streets

 When I hear the phrase "dancing in the streets" my mind typically jumps to the David Bowie and Mick Jagger version of the song from 1993. However, the song is much older. Originally sung in 1965 by Martha & The Vandellas. 

The top comment right now on the video I linked is about dancing in the streets once the pandemic is declared over. I kind of hope it happens - especially after the past few days. 

I'm not gonna lie. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when the US election was called. Things have been tense since 2016 and the past 10 months have only exacerbated the cracks that had formed in our country's foundation. There's a part of me that still can't relax despite the election being called because there are still three months before there's a transition of power. 

I wasn't dancing in the street, but I saw a lot of people out there. 

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about the epic saga that was the battle between the "Trump House" and the rest of the wealthy residents of Lewinsville Road. Well yesterday, I can report that the saga somewhat ended when the residents of the Pride House took to the streets to dance and let everyone passing by know who won.

I didn't see many others in my area taking to the streets - at least not in person. 

Part of me did want to drive into DC to see the celebrations at Black Lives Matter Plaza. The sane part of me also remembered that there is pandemic and parking is a pain in the butt (especially with the new wall around the White House). 

But I haven't wanted to dance. 

Or maybe I don't want to dance yet. 

There's so much going on in the world right now and I've been feeling exhausted - even when I don't feel like I've been doing anything. The stress of the pandemic, making sure my family stays safe, and the monotony of spending everyday at home has started to get to me. I'd like to go out and meet new people (I did just move back to NoVa in March), maybe try dating again, take a trip overseas, or at least spend time with my old friends I haven't seen in years. 

So much has happened to me in a year. So much has changed. I like to believe that I'm doing alright, but there's always a slight worry that everything's going to fall apart if I let my guard drop too much.

The videos out of Philly, Detroit, DC, and LA have been amazing to see. So many people - particularly young people - outside celebrating. It's inspiring.

I'm not ready to dance yet, but I hope to someday soon.

Until next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me.

Welcome to the Tragedy in Horror

 This past week, I watched the Netflix original The Haunting of Bly Manor. Based on the classic gothic horror novel, The Turn of the Screw, and a spiritual successor to the fabulous The Haunting of Hill House, I was excited to see how this mini series was going to do. 

I wasn't disappointed. 

Though I don't think The Haunting of Bly Manor is nearly as good as The Haunting of Hill House, I did enjoy watching it. And like the first miniseries, it left me crying my eyes out by the end.

Ghost Stories are Never Just About the Ghosts

At least good ghost stories are never just about the ghosts. 

At their heart ghost stories are about people. Their actions, their emotions, and what they leave behind. My favorite ghost stories not only scare me, but also leave me in tears. The tragedy is part of the horror. 

One of the first ghost stories I remember watching as a kid was The Others (2001). I'd seen other horror movies as a kid (Arachnophobia might have hindered my interest in spiders for a few years), but not many serious ghost stories.

And boy did I have an interest in ghosts and haunted houses as a kid.

One of my favorite shows as a kid was the History Channel's Haunted History series. They'd go to cities, visit some haunted locations and explain the history with some ghost stories thrown in. It wasn't like the ghost hunting shows that are on now. You can find a lot of them on Amazon Prime (though it takes some digging to find them) and a few channels on YouTube.

So, when I watched The Others, my kid self was expecting a haunted house story. I was not ready for the twist ending or how much I was going to cry (and I was one of those kids that cried at the drop of a hat). 

I freaking loved it.

The Others is a ghost story about ghosts not knowing they're dead and their need to come to terms with that. Their feelings of isolation, hopelessness, and guilt permeate the film. The horror isn't that there are ghosts haunting a house, but how they handle the stressful situations they are in. 

Going back to The Haunting of Hill House and The Haunting of Bly Manor, much of the horror is realizing who was fated to die, how they were unable to prevent it, and the response to those deaths. Nell's death in particular ticks all of these boxes. 

We learn that Nell is dead in the first episode of The Haunting of Hill House. Her spirit is waiting in her brother Steve's apartment when he gets home. He grumbles to her for a bit, then he gets a phone call from his dad stating she's dead, and finally we get that awesome jump scare. Much of the rest of the series that takes place in the present focuses on how her death brought her family back together.

However, we do get a full episode dedicated to Nell's life. We see her falling in love, getting married, and then losing her husband to an unforeseeable health problem. We see her pain and deepening depression as she struggles with her husband's death. I wanted to see her get better. I wanted her to be happy.

Throughout the episode, we also see the bent neck lady haunting Nell. She shows up at some of the worst moments of Nell's life - including the death of her husband. Right before going back to Hill House, Nell sees her again. I don't know if this vision was the final straw for Nell to go to the house or if she would have gone regardless of seeing her, but she goes back to the house. And she relives some of her happiest moments with her family. She even dances with her husband again like she did on her wedding day.

She seems so happy, even though we, the audience, know it's not real. We want Nell to be happy. But she's destined to die. We've known this from episode one. When she does die (and we find out who the bent neck woman is) we're horrified. I was so upset that I burst into tears. 

Same thing happened at the end of the series, when Steven is learning the whole truth of his mother's death. The ending of Bly Manor also left me in tears between the lady of the lake (though I honestly didn't need an entire episode dedicated to her), Hannah, Rebecca, and the inevitable death of Dannie.

I was horrified and full of sorrow.

I seem to like these types of horror stories a lot.

A couple of nights ago, despite knowing that I was going to cry again anyway, I decided to put on the movie Paranorman (2012) after finishing Bly Manor. Paranorman is one of Laika studio's best all around animated films. It's got horror, humor, and one of the biggest tear-jerk moments in a movie about witches and zombies. 

If you haven't seen the movie, I recommend going and watching (because I might spoil a couple of key plot points) it. Norman is a little different - mainly because he can talk to dead people like the kid in the Sixth Sense. He's given the responsibility of reading the spirit of a witch a bed time story to keep her asleep for another year. He fails, zombies rise from their graves, and the town descends into chaos.

The resolution and ending is so sad.

(Spoilers - next paragraph)

Nothing bad happens to Norman. It's the witch's story that's depressing. Because of course the witch wasn't actually a witch. She was a little girl like Norman - a little different. She was killed because they were afraid of her.

(Spoilers - ended)

No matter how much I'm enjoying the movie, I know that I'm going to be in tears by the end. That doesn't stop me from watching, but I do have to prepare myself for it.

Go watch Paranorman, it's great. Plus there is this hilarious scene where you find out one of the characters is gay and it's one of the best reveals I've ever watched. 

But this is my opinion on horror stories. I can't just be terrified or in a state of anxiety the whole time. Tragedy rounds out the story and adds depth to characters' back stories...especially if they're ghosts. 

Why are some of my favorite horror movies also ones that make me cry?

Probably because I like ghost stories, where the ghosts aren't what's really doing the haunting.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Until next week.

Welcome to Weddings in the Time of COVID

 This past month, I participated in two weddings. For one I attended in person as a bridesmaid. For the other, I was able to watch the ceremony via a Zoom video link. 

I was equally thrilled to attend both. 

I've seen a number of my friends celebrate major mile stones on Facebook recently. I've seen posts about engagements, marriages, baby showers, major birthdays, graduations, and, unfortunately, even a few funerals. Some of these events are in-person, some are only over the internet, others are a mix.

The wedding I attended in person was outside and everyone (except the bride, groom, and officiant) wore masks the entire time. We were able to dance, but, again, masks were always on and we kept our distances. The favors included hand sanitizer and another mask. 

No flowers were thrown. Sparklers couldn't be lit. But the wedding planner provided everyone a stick with colored ribbon to wave as the bride and groom left the ceremony. It still felt like a normal wedding, just with a lot less people and a few minor changes that Instagram or Pinterest might list as a new wedding trend.

Which a lot of this might become. 

Weddings (well any event really) can be expensive and a lot of personalities can cause unnecessary drama. Only allowing a limited number of people at the actual event would likely help the happy couple out a lot. 

Attending a wedding ceremony via Zoom is also really nice. 

I felt included and honored to be a part of my friend's big day. I'll admit that the lack of stress trying to get to the wedding on time was really nice (I've been late to many weddings, coming in just as the bride walks down the isle). Certainly, I'll miss seeing them in person, but I can call them later and mail them a present.

I did something similar for a baby shower I was invited to (though there I was having some technical difficulties and missed most of it).

We as a society want things to go back to "normal" - whatever that means to you - but the reality is, "normal" isn't coming back any time soon. We likely adopt some of these new practices for future events (especially the Zoom stream option).

It's good for us to have these celebrations, even if there are a number of limitations. 

Many years into the future, we'll be sitting down with the next generation or the one after that and looking at our old Facebook timelines when a memory will annoyingly pop up. The kids will see the pictures and they might ask us why everyone at the wedding was wearing fancy masks that covered their mouth and nose. And we'll tell them about the virus that stopped the world in it's tracks and likely changed the course of history.

These pictures are going to end up in history books. They'll be right next to the ones showing the doctors and nurses working hard to save lives. Adjacent to the protestors in masks marching in the streets demanding justice and change. Below the ones of long lines at the polling stations. 

COVID-19 isn't the end of our way of life, but a new beginning that allows new adaptations when we are faced with the toughest of times.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me.

Until next week.