Welcome to a New Year New You

I don't buy it.

I am absolutely certain that a new year will NOT automatically turn me into a new person. There's no magic spell or fantastical event that will change me from the person that I was at 11:59 PM on the 31st of December to a brand new person on 12:00 AM on the 1st of January.

The new year is not only a metaphorical change, but a social marker signifying that a change has happened. Gym and dieting ads are constantly popping about keeping up with your New Year's Resolution.

Instant change doesn't happen - no matter how much I sometimes wish it would.

Though I do think I've changed since the 1st of January 2018. The amount of things that can happen in 365 days is astounding and each event impacts my life in different ways. Whether that change has been for the better or worse is yet to be known (though typically upon reflection I'm more inclined to be annoyed with my younger self).

Change requires commitment and a plan of action. Resolutions are one way people try to establish that things will be different in the upcoming year. I've tried making New Year Resolutions in the past and I've stuck to them or remembered them by the time February rolls around.

Instead of making a resolution, I've desiccated that I'm doing trying a different tactic, one I am less likely to forget. I'm setting goals. Why am I setting goals rather than making resolution?

To put it bluntly, there isn't as much as a perceived pressure on me with setting goals as there is with making a resolution. A resolution bares a connotation that it is going to happen, a goal is more like an idealized destination that requires some sort of journey to get there. I don't necessarily have to meet these goals, but I'm going to have fun trying to meet them.

I have three main, somewhat easy, goals:

1. Read as much as I can - I've always been an avid reader, but lately I've been wanting to branch out into new genres and authors. 
2. Explore New York - I live near one of the greatest cities in the world. I haven't even scratched the surface of all the cool and unusual things I can do. My first adventure - seeing Wicked 
3. Live in the present - this one is going to be a lot harder than it sounds. I have this compulsion to plan things out. I'm always planning on what's going to happen in the future and it can cause me to miss things in the present. That's why I want to focus on mindfulness and being present in my day-to-day activities

Some of the books I plan on reading this year. One I've already finished.

Finally, I have set a reach goal for myself. It's not anything special, nor do I feel any pressure to attain it.

• Reach Goal - Have an adventure worth reading about

What do I mean by that?

I don't know yet, but I hope it's fun.

For many years I have lived under the assumption that I am the author of my life. However, I'm beginning to rethink this idea. 

An author/writer has complete control of the narrative. They are the gods of their creations. They can decide anything and everything from how a character reacts to bad news to the weather on a particular day. The only things I can control are how I react to the situation I am currently in. Ergo, I am not the author of my life at all, just another character on a fantastical journey who doesn't know how, when, or where the story will end.

Which is why if I'm going to have adventures, they might as well be worth reading about.

I hope all of you have had a wonderful holiday season and are ready for 2019.

Until next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Welcome to Tis the Quiet Season

Tis the season for people and parties galore, that by the end of it all it might feel like a chore. I'm not one for many major social events. I prefer to sit by the tree with a hot drink, wrapping presents.

I'll visit with friends on a few weekends. I love to see everyone and never want for fun. It's just sometimes it gets overwhelming and I need to find a quiet dwelling. Thankfully my family likes to spend our holiday together, curled up inside because of the cold weather.

On Christmas mourning we wake up slowly. Enjoy breakfast, then presents, and finally a nap - nice and cozy. The dogs are happy for a few good pets. Even the cat is as pleased as she gets.

Later, as the sun goes down, the whole family likes to gather round. We might watch a movie or read a few books while waiting for Christmas dinner to cook. It's perfect and quiet and just right for us (plus it's great no one is around to raise a huge fuss). Though we do fight the dogs for a space next to the roaring fire in the fireplace.

It's beautiful at night with all the holiday lights. They twinkle and glow, standing out against the ever growing snow. We might drive around to the many displays, to see the whole world look ablaze.

After dinner we clean up and get ready for bed - happy to think of the New Year ahead.

Christmas is a grand occasion. One that everyone has a different celebration. Going to parties is tons of fun and holiday events are second to none. But I'm happiest to be with those I love most, even when we aren't physically close.

And as I watch the snow gently fall, I feel as though there's peace on Earth and good will for all.

Merry Christmas to my may many readers. I hope you enjoyed this post's rhyming features. And let's all give a great big cheer for a Happy New Year!

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a message. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

I'll probably post again before New Years, but next week I'm off. Safe travels everyone!

Welcome to the Fluidity of the English Language

For those of you who don't frequent the same sides of the Internet that I do, you might have missed this holiday treat from PETA. This year, PETA wants us to stop using phrases that are cruel to animals and instead use non-violent language in our idioms (I've included the list below).

I'm half tempted to write this off entirely, but it's possible that 30-40 years down the line someone might find my comments and turn it into a "you're for animal cruelty" argument. The thing is, a cultural shift in how we discuss violence towards animals could happen. My generation might become completely confused as to why the younguns don't like real meat and instead want premium meat substitute (it tastes just like real meat, but without the actual meat).

All joking aside, I highly doubt that PETA's above suggestions will take hold in main stream American culture anytime soon. For one thing, some of the new suggestions don't hold the same meaning as the original idioms (bagels aren't as highly prized as bacon). Yet, that doesn't mean that some people won't adopt these phrases.

I have purposefully created some of my own words and phrases to help me better communicate. For example, I use the term Sig Fig (or significant figure) to mean a person's significant other (i.e. boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, etc.). I've also started using the pronoun they/them for anyone whose gender I am unfamiliar with. This one sprang out of my annoyance at constantly being mis-gendered in emails, even when my gender is specified in earlier communications (though it can be amusing to watch someone profusely apologize for this).

I'm not opposed to changes in the English language. Far from it. English has changed a lot in the last three centuries, let alone the time of early English and the first written accounts of Beowulf. I even struggle to read Shakespeare and that's considered to be written in Early Modern English.

Oh English, you really are the garbage disposal of European languages.

I mean this with as much love in my heart as possible (given the season and all). You're a language with over 500,000 unique words, more irregular verbs than regular, and enough flexibility for a guy called Shakespeare to invent 1,700 new words without everyone freaking out. There are dozens of regional dialects and more accents than I can distinguish.

Why couldn't my native language be easier to learn - let alone read and write?

I lived with a linguist for about a year in college. She once explained to me that English is a living language, therefore its constantly changing. This is why we dropped our informal second person form (thy/thou) around the early 1800s and how the phases "may I" and "can I" have become interchangeable in modern English.

I think there was more to her explanation, but me and the English language only get alone so well. Ergo, I've only remember so much of the conversation.

That doesn't mean I haven't noticed shifts in how our language is used.

There have always been words that have been taboo or extremely hurtful (none that I will type out here). As a kid, it's easy to accept the reasoning from adults that some words just aren't nice enough to say...ever...and a lot of them have four letters.

The level of how horrible a word is tends to be in correlation to societal attitudes at any given point in time. An example might be the word "gay". "Gay" at the turn of the 20th century was synonymous with words like "happy" or "joyful", hence it's use in the Christmas carol "Deck the Halls" which was written in 1862. Eventually, the use of the word shifted to mean a man who is attracted to other men.

However, in the early 2000s, I didn't know what the meaning of the word "gay" actually was. Other than the few times I'd heard it in Christmas carols, the only other time I'd heard the word "gay" used was as an insult or to mean "that which I do not like".

Boy, did I get a lesson in why I was wrong from my cousin who heard me say it in a negative way.

Because even though we teach that "sticks and stones may break our bones, but words can never hurt us", it isn't true. Words can hurt, a lot.

Language in many ways shape our perception of reality. Associating a negative connotation to a word can shape how we describe objects, places, and people. By thinking that the word "gay" meant something negative, I was starting to shape my future understanding of when a person was described as "gay". It wouldn't have been good and could have lead me to have an internal bias against gay people.

I was recently reminded at one of my writer's groups that I am often the first to point out problematic or non-politically correct language in a person's writing. It's not that I want to police language or how a person thinks, it's more that I want them to realize how their use of language will effect their perspective and their reader's assumptions. They, as the writer, might use words and phrases that a reader hasn't come across. They might write about ideas or subject matter that a reader is completely unfamiliar with.

And even if the author doesn't intend to, they do help shape their readers' sense of reality.

Do I ever feel bad about challenging someone's word choice or phrasing? Sometimes.

Do I know everything there is to know about problematic language or cultural linguistic shifts? Nope, can't say that I do.

The whole idea of what is or isn't offensive is incredibly subjective (so much so that I'm not certain I can say "Happy Holidays" without someone getting mad and demand that I say "Merry Christmas" instead). However, that doesn't excuse the fact that the words we pick and the phrases we use can be hurtful with or without intention.

I'm not perfect. I'm not always right (though I'm really good at pretending to be).

Is PETA being ridiculous to ask the English speaking world to make changes to their idioms (and also deny certain cultural aspects of the language itself)? In 2018 I think they are. But if you ask me this question again in 25-35 years, I might have a different answer.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me.

Until next week.

Welcome to Holiday Overload

Thanksgiving is over and it's December, I now give the people of the United States of America permission to start celebrating Christmas.

Not that the people of the United States of America really care when I want them to start celebrating the holiday season, it just makes me feel better to pretend that they do. For the next 20 some odd days, I'm going to be pulverized by Christmas movies, Christmas lights, Christmas commercials, Christmas shopping, Christmas etc. It's not the worst thing in the world, until it is.

And Christmas isn't even the only holiday this month. It just gets top billing.

I happen to also celebrate Yule (i.e. the Winter Solstice) and many of my friends celebrate Hanukkah/Chanukah, Kwanzaa, and other holidays. I can only imagine how tiresome it is for people who don't celebrate Christmas to hear I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus over and over again in every store they go into.

Personally, I get sick of hearing all the pop Christmas songs about a week into the holiday season. There are only so many times I want to hear Santa Baby or My Grown Up Christmas List before I want to rip my ears off my head. I'm even known to scream if the dreaded Christmas Shoes song starts playing on the radio.

This isn't meant to be a blog post complaining about Christmas or put a damper on people who are obsessed with the holiday. It's just that this season feels a bit...much at times.

I don't know if it's all the parties, my incessant need to please everyone, or my introvert nature that makes me feel on edge at this time of year. I just know that by the time New Years Eve rolls around, I'm so over stimulated I can't figure out how to relax at all. It's like this season is designed to exacerbate my anxiety.

That's why this year, I'm going to try incorporating more self care into my routine. These are things that I know are doable for me to incorporate into my schedule. Some things I plan on including:

Do at least one random act of kindness per day - Though this item doesn't feel like part of a self care routine, I personally like doing an act of kindness for someone once a day this season. It can be as simple as giving a stranger a complement or helping a confused tourist with directions. I do this because I like helping people and seeing their thanks. The mindset of acting kind to another person puts me in a better mood and I like to think that that that person will pay the act forward.

Connect with friends and family - One of the nicest things about the holidays is that everyone wants to get together. I love seeing friends and family, especially since this season can feel isolating. I might not be able to see everyone, but getting together with people (especially for tea or over lunch) is wonderful this time of year.

Scheduling quiet time - I naturally need a lot of down/quiet time already. However, the holiday season is full of parties and social events. I tend to overbook myself and forget to set aside time to recenter myself.

Remember that I can say "no" - Oh boy is this a tough one. I always feel the need to say "yes" to people's requests, but sometimes it's just too much. Like the first item in my list, it's important for me to not feel obliged to do everything this season. If I try to, I'm going to either get very sick or get really grumpy. That's why I need to remember to say "no" on occasion.

Have a quite place - When I know that I'm going to be surrounded by people for long periods of time - either because I'm going into the city or visiting family - I like to have a quiet place I know I can escape to if I feel overwhelmed. It can be hard to find one (especially when I'm visiting the city), but feeling that there is a place somewhere that I can retreat to makes me feel less stressed out.

This is my list of holiday self care. Yours might be different or you might not have created one. I think having a plan in place is better than getting grouchy because I haven't had time to recharge.

So say your "Happy Holidays", your "Merry Christmas", or any other seasonal greeting. Let the radio play Winter Wonderland twelve times a day. Plan a party or curl up with your sig fig. The holidays are supposed to be a time of magic and joy. If you start to feel like there's so much holiday cheer that you want to throw up candy canes, you're not alone.

Don't forget that you're mental and physical health is important. Take care of yourself this season.

Until next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Welcome to Early Holiday Cheer

Thanks, I hate it.

Yesterday marked the first instance of me hearing a Christmas song on the radio. Couple that with the unexpected snow storm on Thursday (or not so unexpected if anyone in the east coast had been paying attention to the forecast) and I am already done with this whole holly jolly season. People were putting up their Christmas lights while taking down their Halloween decorations for pete’s sake!

Am I salty about this?

Maybe.

Am I thoroughly annoyed?

Most definitely.

It’s the same every year, Halloween ends and Christmas takes over. Thanksgiving has turned into the holiday to get ready to shop for Christmas. Black Friday isn’t any fun anymore when store open on 4:00pm Thanksgiving Day.

Granted it’s still a lot of fun to watch people fighting over the latest trending toy when their four year old is probably more interested in the box anyway.

I'm just kind of done with the early holiday celebrations. I may love Halloween, but I don't want my pumpkin spice latte in August...it's too hot for a latte in August anyway. It's like we're trying to make up for the lack of major holidays in the last three months of the year.

Sure there's Valentine's Day, Easter, May Day (if your city celebrates it), St. Patrick's Day is fun, and there's always a ton of stuff going on for Independence Day, but do we as Americans really celebrate those holidays the same way we do Christmas?

No...though I'd make an argument for Halloween.

What draws us to the Christmas holiday season?

It's not like everyone in our country even celebrates Christmas. There's Hanukkah or Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Yule, and Festivus (for the rest of us) that are also celebrated in December. Some families even celebrate more than one holiday.

But we're not inundated with Festivus songs and movies. It's Christmas. We don't get Yule ads. It's Christmas.

Not to mention it's all so dang happy!

I don't mean to be a Scrooge or a Grinch, but can't we enjoy Thanksgiving without hearing the dreaded ballad that is The Christmas Shoes. I beg of the Universe - not the song A Christmas Shoes!

I actually do like Christmas songs...though I prefer the religious ones to the more secular pleas to Santa. I like seeing the holiday lights, especially if there's snow on the ground. I like buying gifts for my family and giving to the people who might not have as much as me. I like the flavors. I like the feasts.

I have a lot of fond memories of Christmas.

Which might be what everyone is trying to invoke.

As a child Christmas and the holiday season was exciting and magical. Anything was possible because of a baby being born and a jolly man dressed in red leaving us gifts under an evergreen tree. A mean nasty man could have his icy heart melted to become the best of us.

Christmas and the holiday season now isn't as magical. In fact, I'm more apt to fall into a depression than I am to feel cheerful or happy at this time of year. Instead of feeling strongly connected to my loved ones, I feel disconnected and set adrift. My emotional needs are no longer simple, but more complex than ever.

And I'm not alone in these feelings. Lots of people experience holiday or winter blues.

I sometimes think it would help me if the world outside my personal bubble was a little less holiday crazy. No Christmas music before December 1st. Keep the decorations down until Black Friday. Less focus on shopping and more time spent volunteering.

So to everyone who has their holiday cheer ready the day after Halloween.

Thanks...I hate it.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Until next week.

Welcome to an Engaged Populace

Happy Veterans Day. I hope everyone had the time today to remember what our veterans fought and died for.

If you've been on any social media site in the past few weeks, you've probably been inundated with dozens upon dozens upon millions of tweets, posts, and shares about the US Midterm elections. I've honestly never seen this much interest in an election that didn't include casting a ballot for the president.

It was wonderful.

Politics and the government, whether we want them to or not, influences our lives in ways we don't even think about. Certainly everyone is aware of the laws meant to keep us safe and the stress that comes with paying taxes, but so much of what happens in our lives is determined by government policy. Health codes and regulations: implemented by the government. Equal protection under the law: overseen by the government. The reason you can't use firearms to fish in Wyoming? It's likely that someone in the government was trying to stop someone else from getting killed because of their unique brand of stupid.

Knowing and understanding how the government affects our lives is a lot more important than some people think. I've spoken with some people and they've told me how they're uninterested or feel they are too uninformed for politics.

It saddens me that people don't always take the time to utilize their freedom to vote. Not everyone in the world has this right. There are so many people who lack the power to help decide the direction of their country's future.

Voting is a unique type of power that I am grateful to have.

During the 2008 election year, I was still in high school. It was a presidential election year, so the media was in a frenzy and talked of little else. I couldn't vote, but I was incredibly well informed on what was going on.

One day, right before election day, my math teacher started class a little differently. Like quite a few of my other high school teachers, he had served in the military before going into teaching. He looked at all of us and I remember him telling us (though my friends might have different memories) that the most important thing we could do as citizens of the United States was to use our right to vote.

That year the United States elected their first African American president.

Despite my teacher's lesson, I didn't start using my right to vote until 2012. My university tried to increase engagement in the politics. October through early November always had plenty of pamphlets on the dining hall tables detailing what was going to be on the ballot in our area. Our newspaper would put out a special edition on the candidate. Even one of the professors ran (and won) for mayor of our city.

It wasn't that I was disinterested in politics (I'm from DC - we're surrounded by it from the day we're born). I just had a lot of other things to do that got in my way of going out to the polls. I also didn't realize how important local elections were.

Since 2012, I have made it my mission to vote in as many elections as I can (this includes primaries). I make sure I know where my polling place is, what times it's open, and how easy it is for me to get to. I send out texts to my family to remind them that it's election day.

Still a number of people I would talk to would tell me that they hadn't even realized it was election day. Some would shrug their shoulders and tell me that it didn't really matter all that much.

It wasn't until this year that things felt different.

Usually midterm elections are treated as an interesting blip on people's radar that fades into the background of other, more pressing matters. Presidential elections are the ones everyone really cares about.

Not this year.

This year, everyone was talking about them.

Turn out was huge. People of my generation, who are notorious for not voting in midterm elections, turned out in droves. Absentee and early voting was at it's highest. Lines were long and people arranged to carpool to polls.

I sent out texts to my family as per usual and so many of the responses I got back were: have you voted yet? Even more wonderful, two of those texts came from younger cousins who had to send in absentee ballots because they go out of state schools.

I'm proud of the people in my country. I'm proud that people my age are aware of how important their right to vote is. I'm proud that we're paying attention to what the people lead us are doing.

But with the good, there comes the bad.

Despite the success in getting people out to vote, there were plenty of reports of horror stories. As I stated earlier lines were long. I hadn't had to wait at my polling station for anything since 2012 (I waited over an hour to vote in that election), but I did this year. There were issues with the polling machines malfunctioning. I heard reports of people being told to go to the wrong polling stations.

And the less said about the situation in Georgia the better.

Our system isn't prefect, but we can work together to keep improving. Having a voice in politics and being able to vote is such a wonderful opportunity. It puts the power of our future into our own two hands. We get to have a voice in how our country is run.

I am incredibly grateful for that.

Thank you America for getting out and voting last Tuesday.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Until next week.

Welcome to the Haunting Horror

Happy belated Halloween! Did you guys have a spooky time? I was suffering from some extreme jet lag as I had spent the past week exploring the Pacific Northwestern region of the United States. Then I decided to take the red-eye home. The only thing scary about my day was the lack of sleep.

When was the last time you felt scared?

The feeling doesn't have to be because of something major. I feel scared for many reasons, some of them even silly. Fear, horror, and terror are all associated with feeling scared. I tend to find myself terrified of some social situations (none I will specify here) or when one of my cousins decides to take a mountain pass road on the side of a cliff...in the rain (“it’s only 8 miles” my foot).

Fear is subjective.

As a child I was always fearful of mysterious monsters in my closet or under my bed. I would build a wall of stuffed animals to keep vampires and ghosts away. Don’t even get me started on zombies. I can’t stand zombies even to today (if only they weren’t a real probability of occurring right?).

Did someone say monsters?

It took a long time for me to be able to watch or read horror stories. There are some stories I still won’t watch (mainly of the torture/slasher variety). I don’t like blood and gore at all. Even in college I wouldn’t watch the show Supernatural after a certain time.

Except things started to change.

It was a slow process. I was always aware of stranger danger, but it wasn’t as big of a reality until I moved away from my friends and family. The idea that I could fail didn’t seem as scary until I was responsible for providing for myself. The future always seemed bright and shiny until I realized there was very little I could do to control it.

My fears went from imaginary monsters to intangible realities. I can’t punch a fear that doesn’t have a physical form.

I also started embracing more of the horror genre as a way to deal with my own nightmares. Slowly at first with kids shows and cheesy movies from the 30s, 40s, and 50s. I became drawn to the beautiful side of horror. Gothic sets with ominous lighting and music scores that could draw out every emotion the characters felt. I really liked horror video games with their intricate stories and emerging the player as both the protagonist and omnipresent observer. Fatal Frame and The Haunting Grounds are two great titles that pull this off.

Now, it’s become a lot harder to horrify me with movies, books, and even video games. It’s not that I’ve seen it all or that I know the genre too well. It’s more that a lot of horror mediums these days rely on cheap scares to jolt their audience into an adrenaline rush.

The type of horror I’m drawn to is subtle. It isn’t a sudden jump scare or loud “boo” to the face. It’s seductive, able to draw their victim in to a beautiful trap that leaves them shaking for days after wondering when the next bout of terror will come. It’s a horror that stalks its prey long after the prey has escaped.

A great example of this horror done well is the new Netflix original The Haunting of Hill House. I was surprised by how off putting and truly terrifying the mini series was. The very few jump scares were on point and not cheap thrills.

The new Suspiria movie that just came out is an equally terrifying experience (though I wasn't so keen on the Epilogue portion of the movie). Much like 2018's The Haunting of Hill House, this remake of the 1977 classic takes things in a completely new direction while keeping the bar bones of the original. It's a slow burn horror movie that draws the viewer in and isn't shy about being upfront with the supernatural aspects of the movie.

However, these examples might not be seen as scary or engaging enough for everyone.

The thing about horror is that its incredibly subjective. A movie like the 2017 It doesn't scare me for a couple of reasons: 1) I'm not scared of clowns, 2) I know that there's a whole other part because I watched the original 1990s miniseries, and 3) the imagery that's supposed to shock me - doesn't. That doesn't mean there weren't a few good scares in the movie. I definitely jumped when I first saw the headless boy following Ben and the scene with Pennywise coming out of the projector was creepy as all get out. I still enjoyed the movie, I just wasn't scared by it.

I may find it creepy, but it's not scary.

As my taste in horror media changed, so too did the things that scared me. I'm no longer scared of ghosts or witches or vampires. Now I'm scared of things that are a lot more abstract and less straight forward to fight back against. I'm scared of the a future I can't predict. I'm scared of hypothetical situations that I can neither control nor account for. I'm afraid of isolation and being forgotten about.

People have different fears, anxieties, and feelings. What one person finds scary another finds invigorating. Some people like being scared, others hate it with every fiber of their body. Fears morph and change as your life does the same.

Just remember one thing: whatever your scared of, no matter how mundane - it's okay to feel that fear.

Just try not to let those fears take over your life.

Until next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.