Welcome to a Wild World with Mushrooms

Guys, mushrooms are weird.

But, like, weird in a cool way.

Mushrooms are neither plant nor animal. They belong to a different living organism kingdom known as fungi (like that gross itchy thing growing on athlete's feet). Some are small, like the tiny Mycena subcyanocephala, while some are really freaking big, like the world's largest living organism Armillaria ostoyae. Yes, you read that right. The world's largest organism is a mushroom in Oregon. You can insert a joke about Oregonians and their recreational activities here. 

Some mushrooms are edible and some are happy to eat you...after you die that is. Some are used by trees as a network for communication known as a "woodwide web" (a pun I can't take credit for, but am happy to use. There are even some mushrooms that apparently eat plastic. 

With such a wide variety of mushroom species with unique looks, uses, flavors, and hallucinogenic properties, I think it's safe to say that mushrooms are really cool and really weird.

Growing up, I was never a big mushroom fan. I thought they looked like aliens and had a slimy texture (like what I thought aliens might taste like). I would often turn my nose up at dishes that blatantly had mushrooms in them. 

That was, until I went to Japan at 11 and was told that I would have to get used to eating them (or as the rule went: two bites before I could say "no thank you"). This is when I learned to love enoki mushrooms. At first I thought they were noodles and enjoyed the way they'd get stuck in my teeth. I quickly learned otherwise and would ask for them all the time - alone with the more well known shitake mushrooms.

However, it still took a while for me to really enjoy the culinary options that came with mushrooms. This was mainly due to the fact that I can't stand portabella mushrooms and they were everywhere (along with the button variety which I find marginally more appealing). 

That is until I started going to farmer's markets with people who cultivated mushrooms. Suddenly, I had my whole world opened to new mushroom flavors. My current favorites are king oyster and maitake (otherwise known as hen-of-the-woods). Both have distinct flavors that require different cooking styles. King oyster can be used as a substitute for a lot of seafood, but especially scallops. Maitake have a stronger flavor that I prefer to roast in the oven. 

Also fun fact about oyster mushrooms: they might not be strictly vegan or vegetarian friendly as they will consume live worms while growing. This is similar to the grey area that figs (require the death of a wasp to grow) and honey (no bees die from the production or cultivation of honey if done properly) fall into.

But those are just a few of the many culinary mushrooms humans are able to eat. 

However, there are even more mushrooms that will instead cause agonizing death and a few look like the yummy kind of mushroom. 

You know those red and white mushroom's Mario and Luigi use to upgrade their bodies? They're deadly in real life. 

Since the 2020 pandemic, mushroom foraging has become a popular hobby. This is good for getting people outside and looking for their own food. This is bad because people are over picking mushrooms that are needed in the environment. Nature is a delicate balance...one that humans are constantly messing up in the modern era. Also, with the onset of AI book writing, there are a number of badly written mushroom foraging guides for sale on Amazon that have (at best) misleading information and (at worst) seriously bad you, will die if you eat that information. Be wary of AI written work in general, but this is just criminally bad.

There are also the getting high kind of mushrooms that will take you on a hallucinogenic trip...or might be useful for therapy for people suffering from severe PTSD and depression under the right circumstances (and government approval). I first learned more about this in a Netflix 2019 documentary called Fantastic Fungi, which was truly fascinating. It was also where I learned that if you're going to do mushrooms, maybe don't be in the woods while a thunderstorm is going on - you might climb a tree. 

Most recently, mushrooms have been popping up more and more in the horror genre. From the video game, turned TV adaptation The Last of Us to the seriously creepy novel "Mexican Gothic". Mushrooms are everywhere (literally and figuratively) and since we don't know a whole lot about every single species, they make for a great horror story. Especially since there exists and actual mushroom known as the Ophiocordyceps unilateralis that turns ants into zombies.

You're welcome for that fun fact.

Well, I'm off to make my dinner of roasted mushrooms. Hopefully, you still have an appetite. What are some of your favorite mushrooms - either to eat or stair at, doesn't matter. Until next week. 

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y'all like hearing from me.

Welcome to a Character Tragedy

Have you ever read a book and wanted to smack the main character upside the head?

I have - very recently in fact. It was tough to get through some parts of the book, but I persisted (mostly out of a sense of completion pride). I’m glad I did because, though I found the main character frustrating, I was interested to see how her story would end.

I’m not going to spoil the book for you guys (though I doubt most of you will read it). I picked it up because I liked some of the other author’s work - as eccentric as it is - and the cover art was very 1970s pulp. It was in the horror section and claimed to be a gothic tale - one of my favorite sub-genres. It was advertised as a feminist retelling of a grisly fairy tale.

The book : Bluebeard’s Castle.

The author: Anna Biller.

My first introduction to Anna Biller was a YouTuber’s review of her movie “The Love Witch”. It’s a movie I greatly enjoy for its aesthetic. The plot is also interesting as it focuses on a witch looking for her ideal man. There’s some magic and murder and tons of camp. I recommend it for people who like campy movies and a healthy dose of 1970s influence. Sadly they couldn’t edit out all the modern cars.

Bluebeard’s Castle is still very clearly an Anna Biller creation, and the camp is still there. The difference are the characters. Judith is not Elaine and Gavin is definitely not Griff. Actually, Gavin doesn’t feel like a character for most of the book. He’s more of a paper thin dreamy wish fulfillment that suddenly turns into a nightmare.

It’s very clear early on that Judith is easy to manipulate when given the opportunity to live out a fantasy. She rejects the more interesting and complex (actually developed) character of Tony early on because he is too safe and boring. Honestly, Tony is the best character in this book, aside from the cats.

Gavin love bombs Judith into running away with him to Paris. They then get married in about a month and buy a castle together. Oh, and did I mention that Judith writes gothic historical romance fiction? I’d almost call her a self insert for Biller except that I’ve seen her interviews and she’s a lovely person. 

Judith is insufferable and frustrating. She claims to be a feminist - and on surface level she kind of is - but it’s a white woman’s feminism. She still gets jealous and takes it out on the wrong people. She thinks that her problems can be solved by loving a (really quite terrible) man enough. She refuses to listen to people who actually care about her well-being (see my note about Tony). The woman needs therapy and doesn’t consider it once in the whole story. There are so many mommy issues.

I could go through all her faults (oh my god the alcohol abuse), but that’s not the point of this post. I’m also probably making the book sound terrible with my descriptions. It’s not a bad book. Heck, I even liked it.

Not that I’m putting it in my top ten anytime soon, but the book does suck you in and you hope for the best, even though you’ll know it’ll end for the worst.

I still don’t want to spoil the book for the (very) few of you interested in checking it out. However, near the end of the book we finally get a few points of view changes that add more context. One is from Gavin, and we do see that he is a real character, not a product of Judith’s imagination. The second is from an omnipotent narrator which wraps up the story in a neat little bow and drives home the message. Honestly, I think this book could have used more of this type of narration - not a lot - but enough to break up some of Judith’s inner thoughts. And boy does she have thoughts - chapters upon chapters of thoughts. Biller could have benefited from a few writer’s group critiques to tighten up the story.

The third and final point of view shift is to a character in one of Judith’s books. The character is in a similar situation to Judith and based off the fairytale Bluebeard. However, this character’s fate is different than Judith’s. It is the final wish of the tragic author after the last one turned out so wrong.

I may have just spoiled the ending…oh well.

Somewhere in the universe Judith exists in, there is a monkey paw that curled its finger anytime Judith truly wanted something. Maybe Biller is planning on having some of these characters show up again and she’ll do a retelling of The Monkey’s Paw. 

Did I enjoy the book? Not really. Am I satisfied with its ending? Yes. Do I recommend it? Maybe…I’m not really sure.

I still really like “The Love Witch”, but Bluebeard’s Castle is an entirely different story. Elaine would have had her fun with Gavin. Griff would have been too boring for Judith.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please, like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope y’all like hearing from me.

Until next week.