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Sunday, November 24, 2019

Welcome to a Tragedy

Why do we listen sad stories? Why do we retell the tragic tales? The whole world is filled with tragedy, so why do we feel a need to put pen to paper and end the happily ever after?

I saw Hadestown this week on broadway. A friend was nice enough to take me. If you don’t know this beautiful musical, it’s an American retelling of the story of Orpheus and his trip into the underworld to save his lady love. Hades and Persephone are there having some martial problems (unusual for their myth as they have the most solid marriage of the Greek gods). The Fates are spinning around and around. Then there’s Hermes narrating the journey.



The band is on stage. The story told as a series of songs. Seems right for a story about Orpheus. Though the setting has been changed to the hard times of the early nineteenth century America. My friend and I weren’t sure if it was New Orleans, Tennessee, or West Virginia, but the atmosphere felt southern, poor, and like the old mining communities we have a bad habit of romanticizing.

Do you guys know the story of Orpheus and his lady love Eurydice?

The original tale is cautionary, about how the dead should stay with the dead. This telling is a little different, has a different message to give. But the ideas are still there and the ending stays the same, no matter how much I or anyone else might wish it would change.

Why do we tell tragic stories? Why do we like tragedy?

History is full of tragedy. There really aren’t happy endings in real life. Nothing falls into place like how our modern fairytales go. Everybody dies. Everybody has a perspective and the popular one might not be all that right.

If we live in constant tragedy, why do we keep telling these stories? Why tell the story of Orpheus and Eurydice again and again like Hadestown? What do we get out of it?

A lesson?

An emotion?

A warning?

I love the music of Hadestown. It’s very American - jazz and blues. Perfect for many reasons, first and foremost because of the subject matter. I think it’s also appropriate that the 20s are just around the corner and it’s time to bring back jazz.

One song in particular seems like it was written for this this year, but it was actually written in 2006. “Why We Build the Wall” is intense, creepy, and cultish. Hades leads the song by asking his followers why “they build the wall, my children” and his children answer that they “build the wall to keep [them] free” and keep out the enemy. And who is the enemy? Poverty.

They make a few changes here and there to the myth. Traditionally Hades isn’t hell, but in this musical it is. And Hades doesn’t tempt people with death, he doesn’t really have much to do with the act of dying at all (that’s Thanatos for the most part). He just rules the underworld and keeps the dead where they ought to be.

The myth of Orpheus and Eurydice doesn’t have much to do with poverty or have any capitalistic analogies. It’s actually about how the poet and artist Orpheus goes into the underworld to retrieve his dead wife. The play has Eurydice’s selling her soul to Hades because she’s hungry. In actuality she dies. Hades allows Orpheus the chance to rescue Eurydice (both in the play and myth) after he proves himself as a musician. In the myth it’s to bring Eurydice back to life, whereas in the play it’s to free her from slavery.

But the changes, like the music and the setting, are appropriate for the overall feel of the play. It’s very American. Did I mention that? It’s a new incarnation of an old story, an old song that’s been told again and again and again.

Tragedy.

The one change not made is the ending. The myth and play end the same way. Orpheus fails.

No matter how many times or different ways we tell the story, Eurydice doesn’t escape the underworld. The dead stay dead and Eurydice is never free.

We hope to never experience it. We wish for happiness, but there can be no happiness without the biting taste of despair at the back of our minds. We hear a tragic story and we’re just a little more grateful for the good things in our lives, as short as they are. We might even learn what not to do or learn that there’s nothing we can do to prevent tragedy.

Is there a sad story that you keep coming back to? Do you go back and watch a movie like Titanic or read The Fault in our Stars? We know how these stories end. Why read about a doomed relationship or watch a terrible series of events?

Because we tell stories to help us deal with the emotions we feel and tragedy is one of the hardest to process.

We hope for the story to change. It never does. Yet we tell the story again anyway.

Until next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like herding from me.

Sunday, November 17, 2019

Welcome to an Accomplished Decade

Between a series of unfortunate events (not related to the book or Netflix mini-series sadly) and some bad timing, I completely neglected to notice that my last blog post marked my 300th entry in Starting Out In Wonderland. 300 topics that I have written about - occasionally repeated. 300 weeks where I hit "publish" and hoped that people enjoyed reading my inner thoughts (or how much I dislike traffic).

One of the many rainbows of Iceland
300 is a big number.

When I started this blog, I didn't know if it would last or not. I thought I'd write some advice to young adults who had just left home. If anyone reads this blog for advice after all these years, the only lessons you might be learning is what not to do in life.

To further add to the significance of my 300th post is the sense of change floating which hovers like a dark cloud over my head as well as the end of a decade. Between my insecurities and seeing people post their decade of accomplishments on social media (*cough Twitter *cough), I want to take a moment to reflect on some of the things I accomplished, for better or worse.

It's probably not going to be a comprehensive list and it's not meant as a place for me to brag. In fact some of the things I accomplished only happened because of my dogged stubbornness, others out of a lack of decisiveness, and a few from sheer dumb luck. There were a lot of tears, a few angry fists shaken at the sky, and a lot of happy moments.

But these are things that have shaped who I am and had a direct influence over since the start of 2010. I hope you read this list and think of your own accomplishments from the decade. Maybe reflect how you've changed as a person.

Because I know I'm not the person who I was in 2010. Heck, I'm not the same person today that I was last week.

So in no particular order:

  • I voted for the first time
  • I graduated University
  • I got my first full time job and moved away from home
  • I moved four times in five years (which included moving to and from three different states)
  • I changed jobs once
  • I was laid off
  • I started taking my writing more seriously
  • I published my first short story
  • I had my first poem accepted for publication
  • I fell in love (twice) and fell out of love (also twice)
  • I played in my first rugby game
  • I broke my first bone
  • I made a lot of new friends...and left a few behind
  • I attended my first convention (it was Bronycon)
  • I cosplayed for the first time
  • I was the person of honor at my sister's wedding and even got to wear a suit and bow tie
  • I might have accidentally become a goddess
  • I sang in the church choir
  • I learned how to travel by myself...and probably will never stop
  • I went to Iceland, Hong Kong, Oregon, and Washington for the first time
  • I finally went back to Japan
  • I learned and grew as a person outside of school
  • I started a blog, and then another one about food
  • I started a webcomic
  • I learned how to be an artist...and a writer
  • I started taking my mental health as seriously as my physical health
  • I wrote my first novel (and promptly hid it from the world)
  • I built a butterfly garden
  • I learned how to accept myself...which is a lot easier said than done
It might not seem like a long list for a decade of accomplishments, but I think it's a nice list. You, my readers, have been around for much of it (I did start this blog in 2013). I written about my travels, cosplaying, publications, and explorations. I might have mentioned a time or two about the craziness of moving and how to make new friends in a new place. 

It was a fun first convention.
If you're wondering about the goddess thing...it's a joke, I swear, and has to do with one of the writer's groups I attend. 

And looking at this list, I feel a little bit better. I've been in a bit of a slump and it's easy to slip into an over-critical mindset when this happens. Looking over my accomplishments - good, bad, and down right ugly - makes me feel a little less low, as though I can get through this current tough time. 

I hope my list inspires you to reflect on this past decade, but don't compare what I've shared with your accomplishments. We all have different life experiences and circumstances. We all have different things that are important to us. What you've done today, this month, this year, or this decade is your accomplishment. It's awesome because you think it's awesome.

My drawing style has greatly improved since this.
Things are always changing. I'd be surprised if you said you felt the same way today as you did back in 2010. I like to think that everything that happens, that shape us to the person we are today, creates a positive outcome. My life is currently all over the place (I'd like to blame Mercury being in retrograde, but that's just nonsense), but I hope it gets sorted soon.

If you feel that this decade wasn't the best, that's okay too. The 20s are just around the corner and wouldn't it be awesome if we brought back jazz and swing just in time?

Hopefully until next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

P.S. always keep duct tape in the glove compartment.

Sunday, November 10, 2019

Welcome to the Another Reboot

I recently finished watching the first four seasons of the original Sailor Moon anime. The one from the 90s that was recently re-dubbed with an excellent voice cast (don’t hate me for liking dubs, it depends on how well they’re done whether or not I’ll watch them). So, while I wait for the fifth and final season of the of the original show to be dubbed, I decided to check out the reboot version: “Sailor Moon Crystal”.

The first episode is a nearly prefect replica of the original series’s first episode, right down to the dialogue. Updates have of course been made. The animation is a lot cleaner and smoother, the 90s soundtrack and opening theme has been done away with, and the story moves a lot faster than the previous series. I think they even use the same voice cast that they for the re-dubbing.

All in all, a solid first episode.

However, if I had one complaint, as petty as it might be, it’s that the style is too pretty. Usagi is supposed to be fourteen in the series. She definitely doesn’t look fourteen. She looks like a mid-twenty something with way too much eye makeup. It’s a little distracting to be honest.

Original on the left. Reboot on the right.
Actually all the characters, even the boys, have been given a serious glow-up from the 90s version. I know animation and drawing styles change, but holy crap is it weird to go from seeing characters looking childish and with a little puppy fat (the original had their faces a more circular shape) to the sharp, doe-eyes that’s the new series’s style. It almost falls into the uncanny valley.

It’ll take some getting used to that’s for certain.

But that’s how these things go. Remakes, sequels, and reboots all require changes to draw in a new audience. Though I’ll definitely miss the 90s pop soundtrack of the original, the new soundtrack isn’t bad. At least the voice acting is still on point.

It’s not like Sailor Moon is the first show from my childhood to get a reboot or remake. There are tons of versions of Scooby Doo with a lot of different art styles (some better than others) and Bugs Bunny has gone from shorts, to full 30 minute TV shows, to a super hero reboot, to getting the baby treatment that the early 90s loved (remember “A Pup Named Scooby Doo” or the seriously awesome “Muppet Babies”?).

Once a show, story, or character has reached a level of iconic that even people who’ve never seen the original concept can recognize it, I should just expect to see a reboot or remake. Personally I prefer the reboot to the remake.

I know I’ve written about this before in my blog posts about “Child’s Play”, “Suspiria”, and “The Haunting of Hill House” (see here and here). But when a show or movie gets redone, I sometimes feel like sharing my thoughts on the changes. And if my only complaint is the different art style, then the new series likely improved everywhere else on the original.

I actually like the updates made to the Sailor Moon story that I’ve seen so far. It’s more streamlined and cuts down a lot of the filler from the originals. We get to meet all the main characters at lot faster. Plus they updated the ages of a few of the characters so their relationships aren’t quite as..cringe.

None of this nonsense.
I just can’t get over how unnatural the characters look. I mean this isn’t the first anime to have characters look different or jarring from how I expect. “XXX-Holic” has an art style which gives all the characters oddly proportioned limbs (manga does this too) and “Black Butler” characters really like wearing extremely patterned clothing.

I’ll either get used to the changes or I’ll stop watching the show. But if I want to share Sailor Moon with the next generation, then updates and reboots need to be done to keep the character and story in the pop culture consciousness. That’s why a lot of kids know The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Optimus Prime. And their character designs have changed a lot since their original airings in the 80s.

Plus it's cool to hear lines like "we'll live like Jack and Sally" or "Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon/Cause that cartoon has got the boom anime babes" in the songs I listen to. Okay maybe the Barenaked Ladies didn't need to go that far in "One Week".

Do you have a show or movie that had a reboot or remake that you’ve loved or hated. Maybe there was one you saw and were fairly indifferent to. Just because a new piece of the cannon has been created, doesn’t erase the other incarnation(s). I mean I still re-watch the old Star Trek episodes and movies on occasion.

Until next week.

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me.

Sunday, November 3, 2019

Welcome to the Hauntings of the World

Please note that this blog posts includes sensitive topics including but not limited to: violence, murder, and suicide. If any of these topics make you feel uncomfortable please read with caution. 

Yesterday, I decided to roll myself into a blanket burrito and not move from the cocoon I’d made on my couch all day. Okay, that’s not entirely true. I had bills to pay and food to make, but otherwise I was nice and toasty under some of my warmest blankets. I was perusing the family’s Amazon Prime Video account when I came across the show “I Wouldn’t Go In There”.

Now I’m all about TV shows and documentaries that take a peek at the paranormal or include a good ghost story. However, I’m not all that interested in watching people wander around with night vision cameras looking for proof of ghosts (unless it’s Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural with Ryan and Shane - I will watch Ryan freak himself out until the end of time). What I am interested in are the stories themselves.

The host of “I Wouldn’t Go In There” is a blogger and urban explorer named Robert Joe. He takes a much different approach to the paranormal stories he hears while traveling around east Asia. For one thing, he doesn’t believe in ghosts. What he does believe in is that ghost stories are a type of oral history keeping the memory of lesser known or generally forgotten events alive. At the beginning of each episode, Robert interviews someone with a ghost story. He then goes to the site in question (if he can) to explore a bit. Then, he digs into the history of the site to determine what could be the cause of the haunting,

More often than not the stories he dug up were about violent or traumatic events that the people in the area where still processing, sometimes centuries after the inciting incident occurred.

Robert Joe would also go to local experts to understand the culture and customs surrounding death, superstition, and ghosts. This information helped give better context of how the stories started and why people were experiencing these hauntings.

Overall I enjoyed the show and binge-watched all ten episodes while wrapped up as a blanket sushi roll. It was a Saturday well spent and it made me long to explore the same countries Robert was visiting, or at the very least learn more about their history. I think the episode that stuck out the most was the episode about a haunted house in South Korea. I won’t spoil the ending, but the emotional story that is presented at the end about a battle during the Korean War is heart wrenching.

And to be honest, this is the kind of show that got me interested in history and learning about other cultures as a little kid.

Back in the 90s and early 2000s there was a show on the History Channel called “Haunted History”. They tried to reboot it a few years ago and it wasn’t nearly as good. The original had multiple episodes about hour long, focusing on the spooky stories from one city and how these stories tied into actual historical events. It was a little cheesy and dramatized at times, but it was entertaining and somewhat educational.

You can watch episodes from this show on both Amazon Prime and YouTube with a little search savvy ingenuity.

This show led me to picking up books on hauntings, which then led me to doing my own research into the subject. As this was going on, I became less sensitive to horror movies and book featuring ghosts and hauntings (gory horror movies are still a bit hard on me), eventually leading to me becoming a horror writer mostly interested in the paranormal (insert shameless plus about the anthology I’m featured in).

During this obsession to understand the unknowable, I came to a couple of conclusions. Now these are my own personal conclusions and in no way reflect how the world may actually work nor do I have a degree in anthropology, sociology, or history (I do in fact have a fancy Math degree written in Latin, but I don’t think that counts here). My conclusions are these:

1) Places, people, and objects can all be haunted.

2) Ghost stories, superstitions, folk lore, and legends often reflect the emotional needs and values of the community they come from.

3) The reason ghosts exist isn’t to frighten the living, but to help deal with death, trauma, cultural norms, and the unknown.

A lot of ghost stories are traumatic. Some aren’t. There is the occasional sweet ghost story about someone’s grandma or great uncle visiting them or haunting their home because of how much they loved the place, but those aren’t the majority. And those touching stories help people grieve and recover from the loss they suffered.

I find that a lot of hauntings deal with violent or sudden deaths. They might also occur because someone disturbed a grave site or because they weren’t given a (culturally recognized) proper burial.

And culture matters a lot in what causes a haunting.

Take for example Salem Massachusetts and the ghost stories surrounding the Salem Witch Trials. There are a lot of ghost stories and plenty of ghost tours you can pick from when you visit. I personally prefer the tours that focus more on the history and the whys of the story versus the actual ghost parts and Salem has a lot of history full of explaining those whys.

Salem is haunted by the trauma of the Witch Trails, even over three centuries later. In fact, for a long time the town of Salem didn’t want to even acknowledge what had happened, but the community did remember. Nathaniel Hawthorne’s book “The House of the Seven Gables” is full of allusions to the community guilt plaguing Salem. The author even changed his name to distance himself from an ancestor who was one of the main leaders behind the Witch Trials.

Salem of today embraces what happened. It’s become one of the witch capitols of the world. People come far and wide to learn about one tiny piece of Salem’s history and to possibly see a ghost specifically from that time. The trauma of innocent people imprisoned and being put to death hasn’t gone away, but it is being processed (even if a lot of it is for financial gain).

I’ve never personally experienced a haunting. I’ve been to places that people say are haunted or that I thought should be haunted, but aren’t. My grandfather’s house comes to mind. As a child I really wanted it to be haunted, so my grandfather concocted a story about a chocolate eating ghost in the kitchen. There was no ghost, it was just my grandfather messing with me.

I currently live in a house that’s over a hundred years old. My sister insists that it’s haunted. The only haunting I’m aware of is the grumpy twenty-something job hunting on the second floor and maybe one or two squirrels trying to break into the attic. Because of the house’s age and somewhat spooky disposition (the floor’ uneven and a couple of the doors don’t like staying shut), it seems like an excellent spot for a ghost or two.



Seriously, it’s not haunted. No ghosts reside in my house.

However I did attend a college full of ghost stories. All of which have been passed from student to student over the years. In fact many of the stories I know, I learned from another student attending the college.

The two stories I am most familiar with from my time on campus deal with some of the darker history of my school. In some ways I think these stories continue to be told as a reminder that our school wasn’t perfect for everyone.

The first story has to do with colonialism and the shameful history of kidnapping Native American children and forcing them to conform to European standards. It’s said that on cool nights in the dead of winter, if you’re walking by the sunken gardens you might catch a glimpse of a (possibly) murdered Native American boy running a good five feet off the ground. The sunken gardens didn’t exist when the child was forced to attend the school and would often escape to run free in the surrounding woods (which also no longer really exist). One night he never returned and is thought to have been murdered by someone near where the sunken gardens now are.

Pretty spooky, right? But this story also keeps the shameful memory of an often overlooked period of American history. Native American children were kidnapped and “civilized” well into the 1900s throughout North America. The fact that my school participated in this practice is an uncomfortable truth that should be acknowledged more.

The second story is a lot more gruesome in my opinion and speaks on one of the lesser well known reputations about my beautiful alma mater. To give some background , when I first applied and was accepted, one of my friends (who went to an equally prestigious but rival school) said this: “Oh, you’re going to Suicide U”. I was a little taken aback by this comment. Why did my dream university have such a reputation. I knew it was a tough school, but I didn’t think it had that kind of reputation.

Until I heard this story:

One year, during finals, a young woman was studying in the top most classroom of one of the older academic buildings. Things weren’t going well. In fact things were going down right bad for this woman, so she left all of her thing in the room, walked into the lady’s room across the hall, and killed herself.

A year passed and it was time for finals again. A different student decided to study in the same location as the woman who committed suicide the previous year had. It was getting late and this student was really getting into the study groove when there was a knock on the door. The student looked up to see a woman sticking their head into the room. The woman looked around, saw the study materials and asked how finals were going. The studying student said that everything was going great. This angered the woman. She stormed in, ripped apart all of the study guides, and left as quickly as she came.

Soon other sightings of this woman started being shared. If the woman showed up and things weren’t going well while studying she would try to tempt the other person into killing themselves. However, she only ever showed up at this one classroom and only if a person was studying alone late at night. From what I heard people stopped studying there all together unless they had a group, so the ghost turned to tempting the lady’s who used the restroom where she died instead. According to the stories I heard, the hauntings in the bathroom got so bad that the school switched the genders with the idea that guys didn’t need to use the restroom as often as the ladies, so they’d avoid that one all together.

I have no idea how true this story is or isn’t. But it was one of those stories whispered about on campus. Personally, I think it spoke to the very real anxieties the students had as well as the stress and mental health problems not being addressed on our campus (I’m hoping things have gotten better, but that’s an entirely different post). We all wanted to be the prefect student. Most of us had been so in high school. Our university, though, was tough and proud of the academic rigor, which knock a lot of us down a few pegs (or in my case down an entire level of the multiverse).

And the truth is, my campus wasn’t unfamiliar with the pain of suicides. There were at least three suicides that I can remember happening while I was a student. Each suicide was sudden, shocking, and traumatic.

I can’t help but wonder if the story about the girl studying for finals is also a warning to the students to take care of themselves or if it’s is a way for the other students to deal with the shocking loss of suicide. It seems morbid when phrased that way, but we humans need closure and explanations for when things like this happens.

Ghost stories, hauntings, myths, legends, they stick around because we as humans need them to. They offer explanations for the unknown and help us deal with the raw emotions that come with living in a dangerous world. These stories keep the very human tradition of oral history alive.

What do you guys think? Do you know of any ghost stories that might tell a bigger story?

I know this was a long post and I took it to a bit of a dark place, but I wanted to give some insight (and maybe review my own thoughts) on what makes a places haunted. Because places, people, and even objects can be haunted. They carry the memories and emotions of past events. The stories are a way for us to remember the past and process the difficult emotions and traumas that occurred. I recommend checking out “I Wouldn’t Go In There” if you’re interested in learning about hauntings, the supernatural, and historical events in Eastern Asia.

I also recommend watching Buzzfeed Unsolved with Ryan and Shane, but mainly to see Ryan freak out and Shane be so done with Ryan.

Until next week.

Before I give my usual closing please know that if you or a loved one is suffering from mental illness your not alone. Don’t ever hesitate to reach out for help. If you ever feel suicidal please remember that there is a national suicide helpline (1-800-273-8255).

If you enjoyed this post (or it really pissed you off) please like, share, and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from my readers and I hope you guys like hearing from me too.